yes, i stole the title of gary chapman's book for the topic of the blog post today. i will probably receive a letter in the mail about plagiarism and copyright laws. my mother and father in law gave my husband and i a copy of this book before we got married. i couldn't put it down, but over almost 9 years of marriage we both have forgotten these languages. in truth i really don't read "self-help" books as i said before, but this is more of book for your marriage. i've gone back to it many times over the years just to look up the languages again and see what i haven't been doing.
the book describes our 5 love languages as acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. i am pretty much all of these mixed now. you can imagine the nightmare this is for my husband. my husband is more of the words of affirmation and physical touch type a guy. really it's almost exhausting having to remember all of these about each other in our stage of life. my husband works a great deal and i am at home with our children, so having time for each other is only a dream some months.
men and women used to have very defined roles in marriage. i think about my grandmothers. they both stayed at home, while my grandfathers worked. this is the way it was, unless something happened where the women had to work to provide money for the family. i've done a few studies on marriage and one that sticks out the most was "created to be his help meet" by debi pearl. i agree with everything in this study biblically, but the reality of the study is that our world does not work that way any longer. ms. pearl sets clearly defined roles in your marriage almost so harshly that it's hard to stomach as a woman.
the bible tells married individuals that GOD comes first, then the husband, then the wife. the husband is the spiritual leader of the home and the wife needs to adhere to this. this is not telling you to be a doormat. you can have an opinion and pray about it with your husband or by yourself for the best solution for your family, but ultimately in the end your husband will make the decision. i fail everyday at this. if you get a sense from these blog posts, i am a stubborn, strong-willed, opinionated individual. i can be rash in my decision making and this has caused problems.
with a 50% plus divorce rate in the united states alone, somewhere along the line we have given up on marriage. i do believe there are strong reasons why individuals should divorce, and that is between your spouse, you and GOD. GOD sets clear definitions for a divorce in scripture. in my opinion there are a lot of people that just don't want to do the work that is involved in marriage. a lot of couples want the honeymoon to last and when it doesn't they run. i have felt this way before and that is one of my sins, but i have to remember the day i stood before GOD and made those vows to my husband - my soul mate. if i feel like my husband is failing me in some way then i need to tell him instead of thinking that he's gonna get it by some telepathic means. my husband of course needs to do the same, because i am not always going to know what i've failed him at, or what he needs from me.
we can't change who we are, because GOD made us that way, but we can change our hearts by letting GOD into our marriages. once we do this we seem to be able to recognize the great blessings of our spouse and why we got to married to begin with. i think we also realize that our spouses are just as human as we are and we make mistakes. you have to learn how to forgive one another, communicate and move on from that rough patch.
"wives, submit to your husbands as to the LORD. for the husband is the head of the wife as CHRIST is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the SAVIOR." ephesians 5:22-23
"husbands, love your wives, just as CHRIST loved the church and gave HIMSELF up for her." ephesians 5:25
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