“When God withdraws, if we find satisfaction in anything other than God, we are idolaters‘” (Quote from our study on “Dark Night of The Soul)
Bernard of Clairveaux listed the process of progress in our relationship and for most of us I think we are stuck at numbers 1 and 2. I don’t know too many people that have moved past those stages. If we think we have then we are probably too prideful in our journey.
Stage 1 - Love of self for self
Stage 2 - Love of God for self
Stage 3 - Love of God for God
Stage 4 - Love of self for God.
“And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,” 1 John 2;3-4 This is not just about murder, adultery, stealing, etc this is about pride, selfishness, gluttony, envy, greed, and idolatry - covet.
I have great peace that it will only get worse before it gets better in this country. Strange irony I know. C.S. Lewis made a comment about the church of materialism, and it is our country plus most of our homes; “Satan and his workers are pleased in our materialism and indifference to society.” On Christmas Eve we went to church with my mom. She asked if we had any women pastors and I said no we don’t. Scripture says that women should not be teaching to men. They should not be pastors. They should not be on church boards. They should not have any control in the church and how it functions. Women can teach to other women, but not men (Titus 2). Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden not Adam. She was the cause of the fall. “For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. “ 1 Timothy 2:11-15. I don’t believe women should work outside the home unless they have to. My husband believes the same, because my job is to raise our boys. My self-worth is not based on a career it is based on God. This is self-sacrifice.
My mom immediately said well I don’t read it that way, and most women don’t from her generation and beyond. If we are a woman and a Christian too bad we are wrong. Change the thought process. “The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.” 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
I have been studying 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 for over a year now. These verses are how God loves us, and how we are to love God. We are to remove society and the opinions of others on how we are to love so we love selflessly. This means our families, friends, and society. If we choose to love anything else more than him we have failed; even ourselves. We can’t possibly love correctly. The sins in that verse are us. We think because we love him and others that we have right to control another through our perceptions of how a Christian should be. Paul was the definition of what God’s love and grace can do in our hearts. That is why he is in the bible.
I have read the verses so many times, but never really paid much attention to verses 1-5. The Corinthians had put society first and had become judgmental, pious “Christians” above God. They had chosen to be God themselves. Silly, silly people. I am becoming quite curious about Christians and their thought process. We are not allowed to change scripture to fit our own needs. What is wrong is wrong. We have to accept that. I have no idea what bible, devotionals or books they have been reading that they think that he is not going to ask us why we have thought this.
"People are programmed from early education to believe in their person power, their personal worth, their personal rights, their personal beauty, their personal talent, and to reject the reality that they are corrupt, and fallen, and evil, and sinful, and selfish, and prone to disaster. They are radically depraved." John MacArthur
I love the quiet and I love the peace of not having interference. I learned this from my grandma and my dad. They both are private with their families and friends. My grandmother passed away last year. I have been studying her in my memories. I get it now why she was the way she was. No temptation to fall away God. She was not easy, but I get it. She was removing the pressure of others to be something she was not. I know I never heard or saw her change scripture to fit her needs.
I closed my face book account. One of main reasons was because it just got to be interference in my life that just did not need to be there. I have been writing every morning, but haven’t posted on this blog. I have an issue with worrying too much about what friends and family think of me, and I actually don’t have to do that. Scripture backs me up on it. It is very peaceful not to have the influences of friends and family. I love them, but what we do in our life is no one else’s business. God loves us so much that he wants all of us, so nothing can interfere in that. I don’t think it is possible to love selflessly if we don’t love him first. It is just not possible. People do not need to know what we do for others. That is pride and I am ashamed.
My new course for the next year is that people are going to have to earn my love and trust. I have to do the same for others. I have to earn it with my husband and my children. It is not unconditional. I have to work at that, and vice versa. I am no longer going to be so giving that I damage myself in the process. The women that are to close to my heart have earned that and I have earned it with them. There are two women that know my heart truly, and that is who has my trust, love and respect. I realized that. These are the women that are allowed to step in and care for my family when I am sick. They know who to go to when I need help without even asking, because they know I trust those individuals. I have become very guarded with my heart. This will be the new journey with GOD.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Ingnorance is Bliss
“Thirdly, and just briefly, we are oblivious to our sin. We try to camouflage our sin by covering it up, attempting to justify ourselves as victims or we are oblivious to our sin. In other words, we may sin in absolute ignorance. We're so ignorant, we're so unknowing in terms of God's law that we just sin inadvertently. And that's characteristic of us as sinners.” John MacArthur - Keeping a Pure Mind - Sermon
The below list are the 7 deadly sins we commit one way or another. We just don’t know we do it. The ones that are really bad at it are “Christians” that have been in their journey a long time, due to the false gospels taught of feeling good about themselves in every act. They have become the pretense of what society, or their church thinks a Christian should be. The way to realize that it is false is probably the spiritual” books we read; devotionals, how much god loves us, women’s bibles, men bibles, and the books about how much God loves us. How many us go in to a Christian bookstore and actually pick up the books about the true followers and martyrs of Christ. I can bet that each one of them either died for defending him, were persecuted in their faith, and they have had horrific lives.
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
10 years ago when I started this I had great reluctance to become involved in a church. My husband was raised in the church and that is a lot of pressure for someone that was not. Little did I realize at the time I had a grandmother that was fountain of knowledge regarding scripture. She very rarely said things to you, but when she did she knew what she was talking about. She could discern scripture and was wise in her discernment. When I got married she said remember your husband comes first even above your children. That was hard to hear being raised by a feminist.
Some years ago a friend that is a mentor for so many women suggested a book to me that was suggested to her called “created to be his help meet.” It is a very harsh reality of women and what they can do to damage their marriages without even realizing what they do. My grandmother lived her life exactly this way for my grandfather. God bless the man because I don’t think he could cook anything, but he sure could build a plane. She took care of their home and he took care of her even after his death.
About month I ago I realized that my husband is a lot like my grandfather. Pray for me, because he was tough one. The other side is that my husband cares for me so deeply and protects me that I cherish him even more than I did yesterday. My grandparents knew that about each other and the 2 other women that have influenced me regarding marriage are my aunt (my mom’s sister) and my friend in San Antonio. All 3 are the proverbs 31 woman, and their husband’s love them as they do Christ.
I have a huge confession to make: I really have a hard time with Christian women in churches. Some Christian women are by far the most judgmental women I ever met if they have only read about the love of God and not the wrath of God. I surround myself with women that understand both, and are trying to become more Christ like in their journeys that have chosen the biblical foundation for marriage. They get it.
I don’t believe that we can have a solid marriage without understanding the biblical definition of marriage. I really don’t believe we can see the damage that we do in our marriages without understanding how we love god first. That is why the interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is so important. We read this verse at our wedding, and I bet most of have. This is how Christians are to love one another because God loves us that way, but the problem is we are the sin in that verse. It we are blind to those sins we cannot love another like Christ loves us. That why is Paul confronted the Corinthians with these words. They had forgotten in their ignorance of sin that they did not love God correctly. Last year my husband and I went to a conference called love and respect regarding biblical marriage. We then facilitated a group after that. All hell broke lose after that. We were given a rebuke by a pastor that we respect and love great deal. He told us we had failed and would get a divorce if it continued and we would justified. We both had failed God in our marriage.
God does not make life easier before it gets better; that is myth. He will take it away bit by bit. He is doing very bold acts now out of his anger for what we have done in this country. Every great empire has fallen that has ignored him. We turned our back on him by not understanding the truth of the gospel, or I should saying ignoring it. It breaks my heart that we have turned so far from him and in our ignorance as Christians we think we haven’t. He loves us enough to strip us everything we have to give him glory, because he comes first above all things. If we think in our pride of being a Christian that he won’t do that because we love another we have failed. We use his love to abuse others with it; that is control of another.
I have been trying to figure out a way to put something without being hurtful, but I don’t think that is even possible. The worst part about it is I realized that I do this in my own life and it is very harsh reality of scripture. Marriages are failing because spouses have chosen the world, families, careers, and money above each other. Women are the worst at this. We choose our children above our husband’s needs. Adult women that are married are even worse. We know the term that men need to cut the cord, but women do it far more than men. Ask your husband or wife about it, and see what they say.
Our parents have no business being in our marriage. They try to control us in their love for us. We want no part of it because it not fair to each other. Twice my parents have overstepped; one was wrong, and the other they were justified to do it. It is not fair to my husband if they do that, and it is damaging to him. They were told to back off both times. I love my parents, but my husband comes first then my boys. My parents and I are very close because of this, and they respect our marriage a great deal. Their divorce trained me for this, and thank God they did it.
Women want control, and they use love to do it. Ladies, we were not made first our husbands were. It was Eve that was deceived not Adam. The moment we decided that each other came first things started to get better. It is has been a hard year getting back to where we were before we got married, before I got sick and before we had children. Be careful using love against each other. My husband uses his love for me with guilt, and looks pitiful when I have done something. I get angry and try to make him feel guilty while saying harsh words. We both have finally figured that we do this to each other. I am very blessed to have had my grandmother, my aunt and my friend that have biblical marriages to be influenced by. They are my star women! I want desperately to be a proverbs 31 woman only.
We are damning ourselves to hell everyday when choose everything else above him, and we don’t even know it. He brutally killed his son and made him suffer physically to save us. Who in the hell do we think we are that he does not deserve complete control over our hearts just because we say we he love him and we have trials. Our trials are nothing compared to what Christ went through to save us from his father’s anger.
http://www.esvbible.org/search/Proverbs%2B31/
http://www.esvbible.org/search/Ephesians%2B5/
The below list are the 7 deadly sins we commit one way or another. We just don’t know we do it. The ones that are really bad at it are “Christians” that have been in their journey a long time, due to the false gospels taught of feeling good about themselves in every act. They have become the pretense of what society, or their church thinks a Christian should be. The way to realize that it is false is probably the spiritual” books we read; devotionals, how much god loves us, women’s bibles, men bibles, and the books about how much God loves us. How many us go in to a Christian bookstore and actually pick up the books about the true followers and martyrs of Christ. I can bet that each one of them either died for defending him, were persecuted in their faith, and they have had horrific lives.
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
10 years ago when I started this I had great reluctance to become involved in a church. My husband was raised in the church and that is a lot of pressure for someone that was not. Little did I realize at the time I had a grandmother that was fountain of knowledge regarding scripture. She very rarely said things to you, but when she did she knew what she was talking about. She could discern scripture and was wise in her discernment. When I got married she said remember your husband comes first even above your children. That was hard to hear being raised by a feminist.
Some years ago a friend that is a mentor for so many women suggested a book to me that was suggested to her called “created to be his help meet.” It is a very harsh reality of women and what they can do to damage their marriages without even realizing what they do. My grandmother lived her life exactly this way for my grandfather. God bless the man because I don’t think he could cook anything, but he sure could build a plane. She took care of their home and he took care of her even after his death.
About month I ago I realized that my husband is a lot like my grandfather. Pray for me, because he was tough one. The other side is that my husband cares for me so deeply and protects me that I cherish him even more than I did yesterday. My grandparents knew that about each other and the 2 other women that have influenced me regarding marriage are my aunt (my mom’s sister) and my friend in San Antonio. All 3 are the proverbs 31 woman, and their husband’s love them as they do Christ.
I have a huge confession to make: I really have a hard time with Christian women in churches. Some Christian women are by far the most judgmental women I ever met if they have only read about the love of God and not the wrath of God. I surround myself with women that understand both, and are trying to become more Christ like in their journeys that have chosen the biblical foundation for marriage. They get it.
I don’t believe that we can have a solid marriage without understanding the biblical definition of marriage. I really don’t believe we can see the damage that we do in our marriages without understanding how we love god first. That is why the interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is so important. We read this verse at our wedding, and I bet most of have. This is how Christians are to love one another because God loves us that way, but the problem is we are the sin in that verse. It we are blind to those sins we cannot love another like Christ loves us. That why is Paul confronted the Corinthians with these words. They had forgotten in their ignorance of sin that they did not love God correctly. Last year my husband and I went to a conference called love and respect regarding biblical marriage. We then facilitated a group after that. All hell broke lose after that. We were given a rebuke by a pastor that we respect and love great deal. He told us we had failed and would get a divorce if it continued and we would justified. We both had failed God in our marriage.
God does not make life easier before it gets better; that is myth. He will take it away bit by bit. He is doing very bold acts now out of his anger for what we have done in this country. Every great empire has fallen that has ignored him. We turned our back on him by not understanding the truth of the gospel, or I should saying ignoring it. It breaks my heart that we have turned so far from him and in our ignorance as Christians we think we haven’t. He loves us enough to strip us everything we have to give him glory, because he comes first above all things. If we think in our pride of being a Christian that he won’t do that because we love another we have failed. We use his love to abuse others with it; that is control of another.
I have been trying to figure out a way to put something without being hurtful, but I don’t think that is even possible. The worst part about it is I realized that I do this in my own life and it is very harsh reality of scripture. Marriages are failing because spouses have chosen the world, families, careers, and money above each other. Women are the worst at this. We choose our children above our husband’s needs. Adult women that are married are even worse. We know the term that men need to cut the cord, but women do it far more than men. Ask your husband or wife about it, and see what they say.
Our parents have no business being in our marriage. They try to control us in their love for us. We want no part of it because it not fair to each other. Twice my parents have overstepped; one was wrong, and the other they were justified to do it. It is not fair to my husband if they do that, and it is damaging to him. They were told to back off both times. I love my parents, but my husband comes first then my boys. My parents and I are very close because of this, and they respect our marriage a great deal. Their divorce trained me for this, and thank God they did it.
Women want control, and they use love to do it. Ladies, we were not made first our husbands were. It was Eve that was deceived not Adam. The moment we decided that each other came first things started to get better. It is has been a hard year getting back to where we were before we got married, before I got sick and before we had children. Be careful using love against each other. My husband uses his love for me with guilt, and looks pitiful when I have done something. I get angry and try to make him feel guilty while saying harsh words. We both have finally figured that we do this to each other. I am very blessed to have had my grandmother, my aunt and my friend that have biblical marriages to be influenced by. They are my star women! I want desperately to be a proverbs 31 woman only.
We are damning ourselves to hell everyday when choose everything else above him, and we don’t even know it. He brutally killed his son and made him suffer physically to save us. Who in the hell do we think we are that he does not deserve complete control over our hearts just because we say we he love him and we have trials. Our trials are nothing compared to what Christ went through to save us from his father’s anger.
http://www.esvbible.org/search/Proverbs%2B31/
http://www.esvbible.org/search/Ephesians%2B5/
Monday, December 12, 2011
Crazy Bible Lady
Spiritual gluttony; Christians that search scripture to make themselves feel better about themselves. Busy Christians; bible study after study, books about Christianity, daily devotionals for every group. We are studying the Dark Night of The Soul, by Saint John of the Cross in our class. Talk about deep, hard core stuff regarding our journey with Christ and what that actually means.
Saturday I got up and scanned the headlines. I read that we have begun our military cuts while US warships are moving towards Syria, N Korea possibly has a weapon that can reach our soil, and Iran has stolen a drone that they plan to copy to attack those that don’t conform to their laws; Islam. I have a question though is the evil of the world in any of our feel good books, or bible studies that we attend, or do we have such hope that God is not going to allow this to happen to the United States?
I went Christmas shopping, spent too much money on more stuff that no one needs, bought stuff for myself that I don’t need and by Sunday morning felt such guilt about it I thought I was going be sick. This year is the last year I buy Christmas presents for people. I’m not doing it anymore. It is a waste of money and most people don’t need it, they need money, gas cards, and grocery store gift cards. They need to survive. The idea that the economy is going to get better is false. The Euro will collapse and we will sink into a deep economic depression that we will not come out of for a very long time. I do not believe that God is out to save us with more money. He is going to strip all away and the self-proclaimed Christians are really not going to understand what happened to them. My prayer is that Americans have enough strength to go through this. We are definitely not the World War II generation, and we are waiting for an immoral, bunch of thieves in Washington to save us.
I guess we could say I have become the crazy, bible lady. I will wear this title like a badge of honor. I have been trying to remove myself from politics more so I wouldn’t get so angry, but we get a little naïve when we do that. I am over the pretense of what society thinks a Christians should be; loving, empathic, silent, and so happy that you could puke. I have written this blog for a very long time now, and I guess we could say I have gotten over the fear of just saying the truth. I am over the loving, soothing tones of making us feel better about ourselves. That is false doctrine, so I would probably stop reading now if you don’t really want to hear the truth.
Gluttony is the sin of feeding ourselves more to feel good. How many of us are food addicts. We eat to make ourselves feel better. I have an addiction that I have had for years. It is destroying my body along with my MS drugs. I feel shame about this addiction, because it is just an excuse and that is all it is. This is how I justify it; I know that the toxics in the drugs will destroy me physically over time, and they are supposed to keep me well over time. One of my drugs causes seizures. I take it everyday, and hope that I won’t have a seizure. I have extreme pain that is increasing. I have actually cut back on my pain med. I’ve cut back because my pain is a reminder to me of why he was killed on the cross. This is what I have learned over the year. I will continue to sacrifice myself for him and he is giving me strength the take care of my family. Great suffering for him carries us through.
We have a mentor couple that has started a plant church in San Antonio. It has not been easy for them emotionally and physically, but they are doing this for Christ. He will give them the strength. One of my best friends and husband are doing the same thing in Katy. It has not been easy, but it is same thing and Christ will pull them through their suffering. This to me defines followers. All this other crap that we have corrupted ourselves with behind Christ doesn’t matter to me, because it is false doctrine. I don’t think we even know was suffering, and I know I don’t, because we really do is stuff to make us feel better about lives and our choices. How many charities and good deeds do you because you think you have to without really wanting to do it? We do it for ourselves so we look good to others. It makes us proud in how good we think we are.
Maybe we think I am being judgmental and too harsh. I hope that we think that, and it I hope it offends us. I have a friend that is going through a terrible time financially. The family has been affected with Autism. She is working from home and her husband is working odd jobs to feed his family. She feels such guilt that they can not give their children the “stuff” that they want this Christmas. She shouldn’t feel that way, because that it is what this country has taught her; they aren’t worthy because cannot buy their children all of these things. We should be ashamed of ourselves for making ourselves and others feel worthy about the stuff they can buy, and not that they are worthy because God gave them life.
Just read about another family in Katy Texas that is about to lose everything. Both have been ill, and they have to raise their grandchildren because their children can’t do it. They will lose their home to auction in January and their business this week unless a miracle happens that they have $5000 by Wednesday to pay their back rent. How many of us are reading this saying they should get government benefits to help themselves. How many of us will say I am trying to make us feel guilty, and guess what I hope we do feel guilt. Loving our neighbor means going to give another something we have without any regard to what we are giving up. How is this honoring thy mother and father as an adult when we doing this to our parents. Why because we think we are entitled too it, just because we are their child?
The government doesn’t have any money, because they didn’t have enough guts to cut off those that could work. We have been made to feel guilty for not wanting to help people. I don’t believe liberals, democrats, republicans, and conservatives are even Christians really. They may say they are, but guess what God never said we deserved anything without working for it; including food, clothing, and shelter. We need to get over ourselves because we aren’t even entitled to those things without working for it.
I don’t understand what is happening in this country and it makes me very sad and disgusted. I love this country, and what is it was founded on. We have destroyed what was given to us by individuals that had enough courage and strength to fight. We have taken it to disgusting levels of selfishness, greed and envy. I have been sitting in my house disgusted with myself for renovating our house to make it look pretty, buying clothes that I don’t need, or buying stuff to make it look pretty. I am so happy that moving feel through, and the woman that was going to buy our house won’t have a mortgage to support in her retirement years. We got a little too greedy in thinking we needed more space. We can build on to our house for my mom. It doesn’t matter to me if we don’t make the money back, and if I hear one time one more person say that I am going to scream. It is an honor for me to be able to care for my mother as she did for me and my brother. It is not about money it is about making sure that she is safe and cared for when she needs it the most.
I am an addict to face book. I have been praying that I would be on there less. All it is a social network to make us feel better about our lives. I have started to use it more for the purpose of sharing articles, and this blog. Terrible, disgusting notes have been written about me on there about my love of God and country. I am glad that they did it, because it shows how selfish they really are and they know nothing about my heart or my family. I have been de-de-friended because of it, and I think that it is great. I say bring it on. It is just one less person that I have to kiss up to that I have offended. These individuals that have made comments really aren’t the Christians they say are, because they don’t seem to get that the stuff they are saying about God is false. He is not here to make us feel good about ourselves, he came to break us in all our sin to make us his.
The below verse is the United States. He destroys nations that turn their back on him. This is what is happening to us and egos think it won’t. We know from scripture that we will not know the day he returns. I don’t know when he will, but I do know that every great empire has fallen before they died to him. It pains my heart what we are doing. I cry all the time now for this country and for Christians that are so naïve in their journeys. He wasn’t just born for us, but was killed for us. Somehow we think we are entitled to live the lives we live.
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” 2 Timothy 3:1-4
Saturday I got up and scanned the headlines. I read that we have begun our military cuts while US warships are moving towards Syria, N Korea possibly has a weapon that can reach our soil, and Iran has stolen a drone that they plan to copy to attack those that don’t conform to their laws; Islam. I have a question though is the evil of the world in any of our feel good books, or bible studies that we attend, or do we have such hope that God is not going to allow this to happen to the United States?
I went Christmas shopping, spent too much money on more stuff that no one needs, bought stuff for myself that I don’t need and by Sunday morning felt such guilt about it I thought I was going be sick. This year is the last year I buy Christmas presents for people. I’m not doing it anymore. It is a waste of money and most people don’t need it, they need money, gas cards, and grocery store gift cards. They need to survive. The idea that the economy is going to get better is false. The Euro will collapse and we will sink into a deep economic depression that we will not come out of for a very long time. I do not believe that God is out to save us with more money. He is going to strip all away and the self-proclaimed Christians are really not going to understand what happened to them. My prayer is that Americans have enough strength to go through this. We are definitely not the World War II generation, and we are waiting for an immoral, bunch of thieves in Washington to save us.
I guess we could say I have become the crazy, bible lady. I will wear this title like a badge of honor. I have been trying to remove myself from politics more so I wouldn’t get so angry, but we get a little naïve when we do that. I am over the pretense of what society thinks a Christians should be; loving, empathic, silent, and so happy that you could puke. I have written this blog for a very long time now, and I guess we could say I have gotten over the fear of just saying the truth. I am over the loving, soothing tones of making us feel better about ourselves. That is false doctrine, so I would probably stop reading now if you don’t really want to hear the truth.
Gluttony is the sin of feeding ourselves more to feel good. How many of us are food addicts. We eat to make ourselves feel better. I have an addiction that I have had for years. It is destroying my body along with my MS drugs. I feel shame about this addiction, because it is just an excuse and that is all it is. This is how I justify it; I know that the toxics in the drugs will destroy me physically over time, and they are supposed to keep me well over time. One of my drugs causes seizures. I take it everyday, and hope that I won’t have a seizure. I have extreme pain that is increasing. I have actually cut back on my pain med. I’ve cut back because my pain is a reminder to me of why he was killed on the cross. This is what I have learned over the year. I will continue to sacrifice myself for him and he is giving me strength the take care of my family. Great suffering for him carries us through.
We have a mentor couple that has started a plant church in San Antonio. It has not been easy for them emotionally and physically, but they are doing this for Christ. He will give them the strength. One of my best friends and husband are doing the same thing in Katy. It has not been easy, but it is same thing and Christ will pull them through their suffering. This to me defines followers. All this other crap that we have corrupted ourselves with behind Christ doesn’t matter to me, because it is false doctrine. I don’t think we even know was suffering, and I know I don’t, because we really do is stuff to make us feel better about lives and our choices. How many charities and good deeds do you because you think you have to without really wanting to do it? We do it for ourselves so we look good to others. It makes us proud in how good we think we are.
Maybe we think I am being judgmental and too harsh. I hope that we think that, and it I hope it offends us. I have a friend that is going through a terrible time financially. The family has been affected with Autism. She is working from home and her husband is working odd jobs to feed his family. She feels such guilt that they can not give their children the “stuff” that they want this Christmas. She shouldn’t feel that way, because that it is what this country has taught her; they aren’t worthy because cannot buy their children all of these things. We should be ashamed of ourselves for making ourselves and others feel worthy about the stuff they can buy, and not that they are worthy because God gave them life.
Just read about another family in Katy Texas that is about to lose everything. Both have been ill, and they have to raise their grandchildren because their children can’t do it. They will lose their home to auction in January and their business this week unless a miracle happens that they have $5000 by Wednesday to pay their back rent. How many of us are reading this saying they should get government benefits to help themselves. How many of us will say I am trying to make us feel guilty, and guess what I hope we do feel guilt. Loving our neighbor means going to give another something we have without any regard to what we are giving up. How is this honoring thy mother and father as an adult when we doing this to our parents. Why because we think we are entitled too it, just because we are their child?
The government doesn’t have any money, because they didn’t have enough guts to cut off those that could work. We have been made to feel guilty for not wanting to help people. I don’t believe liberals, democrats, republicans, and conservatives are even Christians really. They may say they are, but guess what God never said we deserved anything without working for it; including food, clothing, and shelter. We need to get over ourselves because we aren’t even entitled to those things without working for it.
I don’t understand what is happening in this country and it makes me very sad and disgusted. I love this country, and what is it was founded on. We have destroyed what was given to us by individuals that had enough courage and strength to fight. We have taken it to disgusting levels of selfishness, greed and envy. I have been sitting in my house disgusted with myself for renovating our house to make it look pretty, buying clothes that I don’t need, or buying stuff to make it look pretty. I am so happy that moving feel through, and the woman that was going to buy our house won’t have a mortgage to support in her retirement years. We got a little too greedy in thinking we needed more space. We can build on to our house for my mom. It doesn’t matter to me if we don’t make the money back, and if I hear one time one more person say that I am going to scream. It is an honor for me to be able to care for my mother as she did for me and my brother. It is not about money it is about making sure that she is safe and cared for when she needs it the most.
I am an addict to face book. I have been praying that I would be on there less. All it is a social network to make us feel better about our lives. I have started to use it more for the purpose of sharing articles, and this blog. Terrible, disgusting notes have been written about me on there about my love of God and country. I am glad that they did it, because it shows how selfish they really are and they know nothing about my heart or my family. I have been de-de-friended because of it, and I think that it is great. I say bring it on. It is just one less person that I have to kiss up to that I have offended. These individuals that have made comments really aren’t the Christians they say are, because they don’t seem to get that the stuff they are saying about God is false. He is not here to make us feel good about ourselves, he came to break us in all our sin to make us his.
The below verse is the United States. He destroys nations that turn their back on him. This is what is happening to us and egos think it won’t. We know from scripture that we will not know the day he returns. I don’t know when he will, but I do know that every great empire has fallen before they died to him. It pains my heart what we are doing. I cry all the time now for this country and for Christians that are so naïve in their journeys. He wasn’t just born for us, but was killed for us. Somehow we think we are entitled to live the lives we live.
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” 2 Timothy 3:1-4
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
1 YEAR BABY OF NOT HAVING AN ATTACK!
“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” James 4:1
Today will be a good day. It is a glorious day for me. 1 ago year today I was getting hooked up to an IV. 1 year ago today God broke me, and made me see. Today is about celebrating every blessing, trial, temptation, and joy that gave me back to him. Everything that I have been given by giving up more and more control to him! So many prayers have been answered. Praise HIM.
Last night was the first time I have been in a nursing home since my grandmother passed, because my beautiful 6 year old son wanted to go. My sweet sons want help to others, and we helped them learn that. Thank you God. Friday would have been her birthday. I miss her so terribly. I want to tell her that her life meant something, because she put him first and suffered in her love for HIM above all others inlcuding her husband, her children, and her family. I feel such shame that because of me seeing her in pain that I did not see her more. I miss my uncle, and I wish that I had just gotten in my car and drove to Ohio to have 10 more minutes with him even though he didn’t know me anymore. I got up tonight and did a little dance, smiled big in the mirror and cried with joy that it has been a year. Thank you God.
I am grateful for a husband that stands by me in good times and bad, sickness and health. I am grateful for two beautiful children that I did not know if I could have. I am grateful for God pulling me back over and over again this year to give him more control. I am grateful for every trial that I have endured. I am grateful for every test of my faith in him. I am grateful that he wakes me up in the middle of the night to teach me so I will know what is in my heart. I am grateful that he wants me to be me no matter what others think. I have peace that people can call me too passionate, too harsh and a crazy bible lady all because I am learning the truth of scripture. 10 years of this glorious journey and it is the first time I have not had an attack. Shame on those that have ever tried to stop that, these writings, and attack me for that.
I went to pick up one of my meds last night and the co-pay had gone up another $15. I am grateful and blessed that I have the money to pay it. I am grateful to have the money to pay my bills without fear that there won’t be enough the next day. I am grateful for a warm home. I am grateful for the food that I eat. I am grateful for the very clothes that cloth my body. I am grateful that men and women fight every day to find a cure through research. I am grateful to friends that ride 180 miles on a bike in April wearing my name to fight this disease because they love me and know that I am going to be at that finish line waiting for them.
Never again will I take my attacks for granted in what he was trying to tell me and show me. Never again am I willing to see the pain and terror in my husband’s eyes thinking that this time she could be in a wheel chair. I praise God that he finally saw what was happening. Never again will I not be able to care for my boys because of interference. That was the last time I would not be able to pick them up when they cried.
Never again do I want to see my mother cry in pain and anger of watching her daughter cripple up before her in anguish because of others, and she could do nothing about it. Never again do I want to watch my father be so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to walk when he should have been mourning his mother and healing from heart surgery a week before. Never again do I want to hear my brother begging me on the phone to protect myself and my heart, so I wouldn’t get sick again. I am grateful that my parents put aside their differences because of their love for me, and are still doing it. I am so grateful for my father, my mother, my stepmother, and my siblings because we love each so much that will fight those that harm us. Never again will I allow myself to be destroyed because of control.
Most of all I praise God that he my healed my marriage from so much bitterness and anger. That he gave me the man I married back and he gave me back to my husband. This illness is my reminder that every day God is in me. That everyday when I allow interference from the world I will fail him. That it takes me from my husband and my children. That I can’t care for them the way he has commanded me to. Most of all I should not feel such guilt for such a blessing as MS. I can get angry and frustrated with him, but it is his gift to keep my path straight. That when I hate I should be really be loving my disease. It is my gift to remind me that he comes first no matter what. I wasn’t feeling so good a couple of weeks ago, and I yelled “oh no you don’t, I’ll get rid of it.”
When I watched the fires burning in this state, and the shear pain and fear of individuals that had nothing any longer a great miracle happened. I made a choice to love my neighbor and truly help them. I watched people that I have known for years from high school bring clothing, water, food or just a little money to help. I met people from all over this city bring car loads and a bus load that I did not know me to fill up my driveway all because they wanted to help.
I watched men and women give up time from their lives to sort items in my home, my yard and my driveway to pack up the trucks late into the night to take these offerings the next morning. I watched my parents work together all because of their love for me. That is what I am most grateful for from that event. I am grateful that during that week two women showed their hearts of how selfish and shallow they are, that just want a good time only, and he gave me peace about them being gone. I am grateful to the women that I know cherish me no matter what. They are beautiful women, and I will not take them for granted ever again.
I am grateful for a new church where we walk in and we can be the people we are; sinners. That we can feel the spirit of Christ working through our pastor, our teacher and the congregation. That there is no shame or fear about following him. That we weep for him to have more control. I am grateful that I am not in a church that turned their back on a woman that was in need because she wasn’t a member. I am grateful that I am not in a church that turned their backs on a member of 20 years because of the power of another. They should be ashamed of that. That is not God that is the pretense of what we think a Christian should be, because she made a mistake.
Today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Look at what we have become; our nations’ prosperity is a lie. So many people died and fought evil and prevailed, and we have destroyed that. We are a shallow, selfish nation that values money more than God. Stuff more than God. Tyranny of another over God. I am so grateful that he is stripping the pretense of our prosperity and reminding us of why we are meant to be on this earth; to be his and his alone. If we have life that is a gift. We are gifts. You are a gift. Please let go of your pride and seek him. We cannot sustain this way of life. It is destroying all of us. All because of the God of money.
Don’t be just watchers. Don’t be afraid to fight. Don’t be naïve in this world to the evil that is overcoming us. Most of all don’t be afraid to say no to another for him. Don’t be afraid to show how much his words through scripture mean. It is not worth it to loose him over something, or someone out of fear and guilt because society has told us to do it. Please know that I pray for your hearts to be whole, and have peace through him. Our pain is a reminder that we must live for him and him alone. I am blessed that I have pain everyday. It took a big act for him to make me his, and I praise him for it.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9
Today will be a good day. It is a glorious day for me. 1 ago year today I was getting hooked up to an IV. 1 year ago today God broke me, and made me see. Today is about celebrating every blessing, trial, temptation, and joy that gave me back to him. Everything that I have been given by giving up more and more control to him! So many prayers have been answered. Praise HIM.
Last night was the first time I have been in a nursing home since my grandmother passed, because my beautiful 6 year old son wanted to go. My sweet sons want help to others, and we helped them learn that. Thank you God. Friday would have been her birthday. I miss her so terribly. I want to tell her that her life meant something, because she put him first and suffered in her love for HIM above all others inlcuding her husband, her children, and her family. I feel such shame that because of me seeing her in pain that I did not see her more. I miss my uncle, and I wish that I had just gotten in my car and drove to Ohio to have 10 more minutes with him even though he didn’t know me anymore. I got up tonight and did a little dance, smiled big in the mirror and cried with joy that it has been a year. Thank you God.
I am grateful for a husband that stands by me in good times and bad, sickness and health. I am grateful for two beautiful children that I did not know if I could have. I am grateful for God pulling me back over and over again this year to give him more control. I am grateful for every trial that I have endured. I am grateful for every test of my faith in him. I am grateful that he wakes me up in the middle of the night to teach me so I will know what is in my heart. I am grateful that he wants me to be me no matter what others think. I have peace that people can call me too passionate, too harsh and a crazy bible lady all because I am learning the truth of scripture. 10 years of this glorious journey and it is the first time I have not had an attack. Shame on those that have ever tried to stop that, these writings, and attack me for that.
I went to pick up one of my meds last night and the co-pay had gone up another $15. I am grateful and blessed that I have the money to pay it. I am grateful to have the money to pay my bills without fear that there won’t be enough the next day. I am grateful for a warm home. I am grateful for the food that I eat. I am grateful for the very clothes that cloth my body. I am grateful that men and women fight every day to find a cure through research. I am grateful to friends that ride 180 miles on a bike in April wearing my name to fight this disease because they love me and know that I am going to be at that finish line waiting for them.
Never again will I take my attacks for granted in what he was trying to tell me and show me. Never again am I willing to see the pain and terror in my husband’s eyes thinking that this time she could be in a wheel chair. I praise God that he finally saw what was happening. Never again will I not be able to care for my boys because of interference. That was the last time I would not be able to pick them up when they cried.
Never again do I want to see my mother cry in pain and anger of watching her daughter cripple up before her in anguish because of others, and she could do nothing about it. Never again do I want to watch my father be so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to walk when he should have been mourning his mother and healing from heart surgery a week before. Never again do I want to hear my brother begging me on the phone to protect myself and my heart, so I wouldn’t get sick again. I am grateful that my parents put aside their differences because of their love for me, and are still doing it. I am so grateful for my father, my mother, my stepmother, and my siblings because we love each so much that will fight those that harm us. Never again will I allow myself to be destroyed because of control.
Most of all I praise God that he my healed my marriage from so much bitterness and anger. That he gave me the man I married back and he gave me back to my husband. This illness is my reminder that every day God is in me. That everyday when I allow interference from the world I will fail him. That it takes me from my husband and my children. That I can’t care for them the way he has commanded me to. Most of all I should not feel such guilt for such a blessing as MS. I can get angry and frustrated with him, but it is his gift to keep my path straight. That when I hate I should be really be loving my disease. It is my gift to remind me that he comes first no matter what. I wasn’t feeling so good a couple of weeks ago, and I yelled “oh no you don’t, I’ll get rid of it.”
When I watched the fires burning in this state, and the shear pain and fear of individuals that had nothing any longer a great miracle happened. I made a choice to love my neighbor and truly help them. I watched people that I have known for years from high school bring clothing, water, food or just a little money to help. I met people from all over this city bring car loads and a bus load that I did not know me to fill up my driveway all because they wanted to help.
I watched men and women give up time from their lives to sort items in my home, my yard and my driveway to pack up the trucks late into the night to take these offerings the next morning. I watched my parents work together all because of their love for me. That is what I am most grateful for from that event. I am grateful that during that week two women showed their hearts of how selfish and shallow they are, that just want a good time only, and he gave me peace about them being gone. I am grateful to the women that I know cherish me no matter what. They are beautiful women, and I will not take them for granted ever again.
I am grateful for a new church where we walk in and we can be the people we are; sinners. That we can feel the spirit of Christ working through our pastor, our teacher and the congregation. That there is no shame or fear about following him. That we weep for him to have more control. I am grateful that I am not in a church that turned their back on a woman that was in need because she wasn’t a member. I am grateful that I am not in a church that turned their backs on a member of 20 years because of the power of another. They should be ashamed of that. That is not God that is the pretense of what we think a Christian should be, because she made a mistake.
Today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Look at what we have become; our nations’ prosperity is a lie. So many people died and fought evil and prevailed, and we have destroyed that. We are a shallow, selfish nation that values money more than God. Stuff more than God. Tyranny of another over God. I am so grateful that he is stripping the pretense of our prosperity and reminding us of why we are meant to be on this earth; to be his and his alone. If we have life that is a gift. We are gifts. You are a gift. Please let go of your pride and seek him. We cannot sustain this way of life. It is destroying all of us. All because of the God of money.
Don’t be just watchers. Don’t be afraid to fight. Don’t be naïve in this world to the evil that is overcoming us. Most of all don’t be afraid to say no to another for him. Don’t be afraid to show how much his words through scripture mean. It is not worth it to loose him over something, or someone out of fear and guilt because society has told us to do it. Please know that I pray for your hearts to be whole, and have peace through him. Our pain is a reminder that we must live for him and him alone. I am blessed that I have pain everyday. It took a big act for him to make me his, and I praise him for it.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Religious Hypocrites
“First of all, let’s see the initial mark of religious hypocrites. They make awkward alliances against the truth...they make awkward alliances against the truth. Satan can orchestrate all the forms of his error against the truth. So you may look around the world and look through history and see all kinds of deceived people in all different kinds of religion coming together against the truth. The truth cannot make alliances with error, but error can make alliances against the truth, and you see that here.” John MacArthur
I read an interesting article that Americans dread the holiday season. They dread having to be nice to their family and others during Christmas. They know they are going to go into debt over it. This year is the first year I have not dreaded it. When my parents divorced we went back and forth. My brother and I hated it and it was exhausting physically, and emotionally. My husband and I don’t travel on Christmas anymore because of this. Neither one of us has any problem saying no. Plus traveling just kills me physically. Also, my oldest is in school now, and doesn’t have much time off. We will travel after Christmas, because my husband’s two surviving grandparents have not been well and we need to see them.
Did we ever think that we could say no? I know what you’re thinking; that would hurt our families and our friends. Are we more worried about that over our relationship with Christ? We have forgotten why he was born, and then murdered on a cross; for us. Read Matthew 10:34-36, and we will get a hard dose of reality about why he came.
I like to observe people. I want to see if I can learn things from them by their actions towards another, or how they say something to another. I love to observe the ones that have been in their walk for awhile. One of the main reasons we left our old church was they were turning a blind eye towards situations. They ignore things that are happening out of the fear of telling individuals that have power in the church no. We were becoming pretenders and not true followers. Paul warned us about this in every letter he wrote that is in the bible. If we know individuals that are doing this in our churches they need to be corrected. They are wrong. They are hypocrites and going against God, and his church. The Sermon on the Mount is our example of what a church should be. It was on a rock and it didn’t matter what we gave in money. It was that we listened, became his, and then we became selfless. It doesn’t matter how much we give to the church he will hold our hearts accountable to being a fake follower, or telling others how much they are supposed to give.
Saturday I was out and a woman told her daughter that she was pretty, but needed to put on make-up. I looked at the woman, and around her neck was a cross. I then looked at her daughter and could see the damage done to her heart in her beautiful face. I looked the woman in the eye, and it took every ounce of control not to say something to this woman. I regret not saying something now, but the damage she caused will be proven later when her daughter resents her for it. She said it in a very loving tone. She is damaging her daughter in the pretense of what she thinks a Christian should look like. I don’t care what we like, I care about what is in the individuals heart. That shows to me how petty and pathetic this woman was. She’s selfish, not selfless.
My oldest was on the playground at school, and he had on one his favorite shirts. A little boy was calling him a baby, because he was wearing it. His teacher called me about the incident, and I asked if he was upset. She said actually no I wanted to tell you what he said to the other boy. He told him that in his house we don’t make fun of people that way. The other boy and he played the rest of the time at recess. His heart is more important in this house not his appearance to others. If he does something he has to admit what he did and apologize there are no excuses for that in this house. My boys have long, beautiful hair. I get looks all the time about their hair, or what they are wearing. Who cares, and I dare someone to say something to me about it. I have started to ignore that more now only because it shows their hearts to me. I feel sadness for them, not judgment because they just don’t get it. They have beautiful hearts. My husband and I have helped in that, because they are God’s children.
My husband always looks perfect. He had a beard some time ago that I loved, and I really wish he still had it. He shaved it off because he didn’t look the part of “a professional man.” It made me sad for him that he worried so much about his appearance instead saying; I am a really good man, I work hard and I have a very blessed life. He worries too much about how he looks to others. He doesn’t do that as much anymore. Actually, that was one of our biggest arguments that we had was because he had so much fear in telling people no. He stopped doing that finally and protects his family’s heart. He has no problem telling me what I need to fix. I want him to do that, because then I won’t know how I hurt him, and he is beginning to accept this from me.
I started coloring my hair because the grey hair bothers me. I don’t think I am going to do that anymore. First all of it is a waste money, and it takes money away from our family. I haven’t quite given up the pedicures yet, but I may even do that. I rarely wear make up. I realized telling I was telling myself “I want to feel pretty today, I will put makeup up.” My hair is craziness there is no other way to put it. It drives me nuts. I get compliments all the time on it. I look at people like they are crazy. Thank you for telling me now, because I do have beautiful hair. My oldest has the same hair, and it looks just like it did when I was little. When he stops liking it that way then he can do whatever he wants with it. I am starting to like my heart more now so when I look in mirror I see a very, beautiful woman. I am starting to see what my husband sees and why he married me. I am starting to see what God sees, and why he has been so angry with me all these years. I’m starting get it.
Do we really believe that Jesus walked around in perfect clothes, saying things in perfect pitch to his followers? It angered him that the people of Israel had become the worst kind of sinners; hypocrites. I would love to be in his presence and Paul’s just to hear and witness their incredible pain and frustration of the world around them. I would love to feel their presence of great joy in their trials, and be shown how beautiful God truly is. I am grateful for what they gave up through the persecution of hypocrites.
We are not a Christian nation, so please stop saying that. We have been teaching false doctrine for years, and now none us can cope with what is wrong in our nation. He is taking all of it away, day by day, minute by minute. I celebrate now what is happening in this country because it is forcing most Americans to realize that what they have is what he promised; food, clothing and shelter. God did not promise us money. He said we must work and he will make sure we have those 3 things. If we don’t have a job, but still have food on the table we should be grateful for that.
I am moving into a different place now in my journey. I pray that God removes people from my life that don’t need to be there. It shows me their hearts and what they are willing to do for God. I praise him for the people he is putting my life now, and the friends that have been here the entire journey to call me out on my crap. GOD BLESS THEM. I don’t fear this anymore, because it does not matter to me what others think. If it goes against God and my family’s relationship with him it will be shown for what it is. What a gracious gift we will be given.
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38 ESV)
I read an interesting article that Americans dread the holiday season. They dread having to be nice to their family and others during Christmas. They know they are going to go into debt over it. This year is the first year I have not dreaded it. When my parents divorced we went back and forth. My brother and I hated it and it was exhausting physically, and emotionally. My husband and I don’t travel on Christmas anymore because of this. Neither one of us has any problem saying no. Plus traveling just kills me physically. Also, my oldest is in school now, and doesn’t have much time off. We will travel after Christmas, because my husband’s two surviving grandparents have not been well and we need to see them.
Did we ever think that we could say no? I know what you’re thinking; that would hurt our families and our friends. Are we more worried about that over our relationship with Christ? We have forgotten why he was born, and then murdered on a cross; for us. Read Matthew 10:34-36, and we will get a hard dose of reality about why he came.
I like to observe people. I want to see if I can learn things from them by their actions towards another, or how they say something to another. I love to observe the ones that have been in their walk for awhile. One of the main reasons we left our old church was they were turning a blind eye towards situations. They ignore things that are happening out of the fear of telling individuals that have power in the church no. We were becoming pretenders and not true followers. Paul warned us about this in every letter he wrote that is in the bible. If we know individuals that are doing this in our churches they need to be corrected. They are wrong. They are hypocrites and going against God, and his church. The Sermon on the Mount is our example of what a church should be. It was on a rock and it didn’t matter what we gave in money. It was that we listened, became his, and then we became selfless. It doesn’t matter how much we give to the church he will hold our hearts accountable to being a fake follower, or telling others how much they are supposed to give.
Saturday I was out and a woman told her daughter that she was pretty, but needed to put on make-up. I looked at the woman, and around her neck was a cross. I then looked at her daughter and could see the damage done to her heart in her beautiful face. I looked the woman in the eye, and it took every ounce of control not to say something to this woman. I regret not saying something now, but the damage she caused will be proven later when her daughter resents her for it. She said it in a very loving tone. She is damaging her daughter in the pretense of what she thinks a Christian should look like. I don’t care what we like, I care about what is in the individuals heart. That shows to me how petty and pathetic this woman was. She’s selfish, not selfless.
My oldest was on the playground at school, and he had on one his favorite shirts. A little boy was calling him a baby, because he was wearing it. His teacher called me about the incident, and I asked if he was upset. She said actually no I wanted to tell you what he said to the other boy. He told him that in his house we don’t make fun of people that way. The other boy and he played the rest of the time at recess. His heart is more important in this house not his appearance to others. If he does something he has to admit what he did and apologize there are no excuses for that in this house. My boys have long, beautiful hair. I get looks all the time about their hair, or what they are wearing. Who cares, and I dare someone to say something to me about it. I have started to ignore that more now only because it shows their hearts to me. I feel sadness for them, not judgment because they just don’t get it. They have beautiful hearts. My husband and I have helped in that, because they are God’s children.
My husband always looks perfect. He had a beard some time ago that I loved, and I really wish he still had it. He shaved it off because he didn’t look the part of “a professional man.” It made me sad for him that he worried so much about his appearance instead saying; I am a really good man, I work hard and I have a very blessed life. He worries too much about how he looks to others. He doesn’t do that as much anymore. Actually, that was one of our biggest arguments that we had was because he had so much fear in telling people no. He stopped doing that finally and protects his family’s heart. He has no problem telling me what I need to fix. I want him to do that, because then I won’t know how I hurt him, and he is beginning to accept this from me.
I started coloring my hair because the grey hair bothers me. I don’t think I am going to do that anymore. First all of it is a waste money, and it takes money away from our family. I haven’t quite given up the pedicures yet, but I may even do that. I rarely wear make up. I realized telling I was telling myself “I want to feel pretty today, I will put makeup up.” My hair is craziness there is no other way to put it. It drives me nuts. I get compliments all the time on it. I look at people like they are crazy. Thank you for telling me now, because I do have beautiful hair. My oldest has the same hair, and it looks just like it did when I was little. When he stops liking it that way then he can do whatever he wants with it. I am starting to like my heart more now so when I look in mirror I see a very, beautiful woman. I am starting to see what my husband sees and why he married me. I am starting to see what God sees, and why he has been so angry with me all these years. I’m starting get it.
Do we really believe that Jesus walked around in perfect clothes, saying things in perfect pitch to his followers? It angered him that the people of Israel had become the worst kind of sinners; hypocrites. I would love to be in his presence and Paul’s just to hear and witness their incredible pain and frustration of the world around them. I would love to feel their presence of great joy in their trials, and be shown how beautiful God truly is. I am grateful for what they gave up through the persecution of hypocrites.
We are not a Christian nation, so please stop saying that. We have been teaching false doctrine for years, and now none us can cope with what is wrong in our nation. He is taking all of it away, day by day, minute by minute. I celebrate now what is happening in this country because it is forcing most Americans to realize that what they have is what he promised; food, clothing and shelter. God did not promise us money. He said we must work and he will make sure we have those 3 things. If we don’t have a job, but still have food on the table we should be grateful for that.
I am moving into a different place now in my journey. I pray that God removes people from my life that don’t need to be there. It shows me their hearts and what they are willing to do for God. I praise him for the people he is putting my life now, and the friends that have been here the entire journey to call me out on my crap. GOD BLESS THEM. I don’t fear this anymore, because it does not matter to me what others think. If it goes against God and my family’s relationship with him it will be shown for what it is. What a gracious gift we will be given.
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38 ESV)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
2nd Week of Advent; Love
I started watching “The Passion of the Christ” yesterday afternoon, and I had to stop right at the point when he had been handed over to the Romans. I haven’t watched it since it came out in theatres. I thought it was time again, but to be honest I don’t know if I can make it through. I want to remind myself of what he did for me and the world. I don’t want to take that for granted anymore.
The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. As it is written in Isaiah the prophet, “Behold, I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare your way, the voice of one crying in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,’” (Mark 1:1-3 ESV)
Tomorrow morning in church I have been asked along with another woman to read scripture in front of the congregation. This is the 2nd week of advent, and it is about love; God’s love. This is a huge deal to me because I never thought I was good enough to do this with Christians. I asked one of our pastors why and, he gave me an incredible compliment that encouraged me to learn even more about God; he said you are an example of God’s love. I have to remember though I am still learning what it means to be his and his alone. I have to accept his love, but I also have to accept his anger and wrath.
He was given to us out of love, and he wanted us to be forgiven. The sad part is in our current society that is where it stops there. We have been taught how to pretend to be a follower and not a true follower. I don’t believe that we can understand the love of God without understanding the wrath of God. If it was meant to just be about the love we would not have the scripture regarding his anger with us. The below verse is why he was born.
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39 ESV)
I have read this verse before, but never really paid attention to it. It goes against everything we have been taught in the church and society. We have been told that God brings us peace, but we haven’t been taught what He is going to do in our lives to bring peace. The hard core truth of this is to truly be your family must not come above him. If we don’t love him the way the scripture reads above we have failed him in how we love others. I don’t believe that we can truly love another without understanding the sacrifice of his son.
God gave us his son. He had him beaten. He had him mocked and belittled. They forced him to carry the very cross that he was going to be hung from through Jerusalem. He had them nail his hands and feet to a cross screaming in pain. He yelled “forgive them father for they know not what they do.” We still don’t know yet do we? How sad it is to really watch our nation and the world. He did not come here to make us feel good about ourselves. He came here to break us so we could be forgiven by God. Christ came to protect us from his father’s wrath.
John MacArthur’s books and website has become a study guide for me now. He is incredible when it comes to understanding what Christ was trying to teach us in the New Testament. “In contemporary Christianity the language is anything but slave terminology. It is about success, health, wealth, prosperity, and the pursuit of happiness. We often hear that God loves his people unconditionally and them to be all they want to be. He wants to fulfill every desire, hope, and dream. Personal ambition, personal fulfillment, personal gratification.” The book Slave
He goes on to describe current “Christians” in society. They seek him as their personal assistant to seek self gratification in their choices; a personal assistant. The New Testament is the opposite of that. He owns us which means the above scripture is very important in how we are to be in our relationships. We are his possessions and we are to submit to him above all others. I often have heard the term “it is how we say it”, or I should say the tone of how we say it. That is a pretense in our minds of what a Christian should be. I am not saying that we should lose our temper and yell, but I am saying that we must be firm in telling another the truth. This has been hard to understand for me, because I have been taught in my journey the pretense of being Christian. We will lose people in our lives and we have to accept that. Also, we will have to remove people for him.
If it is backed by scripture and we are upholding him in our actions or words, we will be valued more by him. This may mean that you will lose job, your money, your family, your friends…everything. The disciples did and that is why he used them as an example to us in scripture. God killed his son, but remember Mary had to do the same. Do not for a moment pretend that we are so worthy that he will not strip of us everything to bring us to our knees and beg for forgiveness. I hope that I lose people in my life when they read this. It shows me that they should not be there and I have more to work on with him. Just another distraction from him. It has already started. The people that are to willing to stand by you are the ones you want in your life no matter what. They are ones that do not fear God in telling us the truth.
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38 ESV)
The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. As it is written in Isaiah the prophet, “Behold, I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare your way, the voice of one crying in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,’” (Mark 1:1-3 ESV)
Tomorrow morning in church I have been asked along with another woman to read scripture in front of the congregation. This is the 2nd week of advent, and it is about love; God’s love. This is a huge deal to me because I never thought I was good enough to do this with Christians. I asked one of our pastors why and, he gave me an incredible compliment that encouraged me to learn even more about God; he said you are an example of God’s love. I have to remember though I am still learning what it means to be his and his alone. I have to accept his love, but I also have to accept his anger and wrath.
He was given to us out of love, and he wanted us to be forgiven. The sad part is in our current society that is where it stops there. We have been taught how to pretend to be a follower and not a true follower. I don’t believe that we can understand the love of God without understanding the wrath of God. If it was meant to just be about the love we would not have the scripture regarding his anger with us. The below verse is why he was born.
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:34-39 ESV)
I have read this verse before, but never really paid attention to it. It goes against everything we have been taught in the church and society. We have been told that God brings us peace, but we haven’t been taught what He is going to do in our lives to bring peace. The hard core truth of this is to truly be your family must not come above him. If we don’t love him the way the scripture reads above we have failed him in how we love others. I don’t believe that we can truly love another without understanding the sacrifice of his son.
God gave us his son. He had him beaten. He had him mocked and belittled. They forced him to carry the very cross that he was going to be hung from through Jerusalem. He had them nail his hands and feet to a cross screaming in pain. He yelled “forgive them father for they know not what they do.” We still don’t know yet do we? How sad it is to really watch our nation and the world. He did not come here to make us feel good about ourselves. He came here to break us so we could be forgiven by God. Christ came to protect us from his father’s wrath.
John MacArthur’s books and website has become a study guide for me now. He is incredible when it comes to understanding what Christ was trying to teach us in the New Testament. “In contemporary Christianity the language is anything but slave terminology. It is about success, health, wealth, prosperity, and the pursuit of happiness. We often hear that God loves his people unconditionally and them to be all they want to be. He wants to fulfill every desire, hope, and dream. Personal ambition, personal fulfillment, personal gratification.” The book Slave
He goes on to describe current “Christians” in society. They seek him as their personal assistant to seek self gratification in their choices; a personal assistant. The New Testament is the opposite of that. He owns us which means the above scripture is very important in how we are to be in our relationships. We are his possessions and we are to submit to him above all others. I often have heard the term “it is how we say it”, or I should say the tone of how we say it. That is a pretense in our minds of what a Christian should be. I am not saying that we should lose our temper and yell, but I am saying that we must be firm in telling another the truth. This has been hard to understand for me, because I have been taught in my journey the pretense of being Christian. We will lose people in our lives and we have to accept that. Also, we will have to remove people for him.
If it is backed by scripture and we are upholding him in our actions or words, we will be valued more by him. This may mean that you will lose job, your money, your family, your friends…everything. The disciples did and that is why he used them as an example to us in scripture. God killed his son, but remember Mary had to do the same. Do not for a moment pretend that we are so worthy that he will not strip of us everything to bring us to our knees and beg for forgiveness. I hope that I lose people in my life when they read this. It shows me that they should not be there and I have more to work on with him. Just another distraction from him. It has already started. The people that are to willing to stand by you are the ones you want in your life no matter what. They are ones that do not fear God in telling us the truth.
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38 ESV)
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