discerning the heart

by the 3rd chapter of genesis men and women had already decided they could do what they wanted without god; eat a piece of fruit. we could blame the devil himself for saying "he told me to do it; he said we could be like you." every act that god says no to and we do is saying "we think we know better than you." i am sure by the end of the chapter they wished they could go back. from the very beginning men and women believed they could do it better. 

john macarthur has been doing a series on his website about discernment. by far my favorite posting has been about discernment of ourselves. i truly believe that if we do not understand or deny our very nature that came from the fall we don't understand who god is. my first confession to god before i accepted his son was "i hate you for doing this and i hate you for holding me accountable." i was fighting with all of the anger i could come up with and he was saying "bring it on little girl." it was messy and painful. when i finally went i wept with pain and asked for forgiveness. grace was given. it is a hard thing to admit what we have done wrong, and i did a lot of wrong. 

here is a question; does it offend you when god tells you, you are wrong? does it offend you when someone corrects you about scripture? does it offend you when a pastor or friend tells you that you are wrong, and you need to think about that? then you don't understand god. you don't understand that love is accountability. you don't understand that repentance is obedience. you don't understand that every time you deny that you don't do something is an act of disobedience. i would think that we would want to repent, because the blessing that comes from that is him. the blessing and the gift is eternity in heaven. 

my sons learned a hard lesson about repentance last week. they kept giving me hollow, fake apologies. i don't accept those. i wouldn't take them because i told them they were not admitting what they had done wrong. it took about 2 hours of crying and screaming for them to get it right. i told them they were forgiven, that i loved them, and i was sorry that i had lost my patience and temper with them. that is a lesson in repentance, humility, love and grace right there. 

god is not punishing us if things in are life are not easy. he is allowing us to see all of the beautiful things around us in the midst of our trial. repentance is beautiful. it is authentic faith. this past easter sunday was beautiful. the whole day i was in such immense physical pain that every breath i took that day was me saying please help me god. he showed me the beauty of friends and family, of children laughing, and food on the table. he showed me that even in my pain there was great beauty and blessings around. 

search your hearts honestly. jesus knows what it is your heart so what is the point of denying that. 

Scripture is clear that believers must be faithful to examine and judge our own selves: “If we judged ourselves rightly, we would not be judged” (1 Corinthians 11:31). This calls for a careful searching and judging of our own hearts. Paul called for this self-examination every time we partake of the Lord’s Supper (v. 28). All other righteous forms of judgment depend on this honest self-examination. That is what Jesus meant when He said, “First take the log out of your own eye” (Luke 6:42). John MacArthur - Grace to You.org

Remember We Are Great Sinners

Our pastor asked us yesterday to remember that we are great sinners during this holy week. The sins we committed before we were saved and the ones that we are doing daily. Each have been given grace. When he caught us and made us his own he wiped the slate clean. We are reborn in him. Can we remember the day he caught us? Can we remember that day we accepted him?

My grandmother was a beautiful woman of God. She knew the bible inside and out. As she got older she kept hanging onto life out of fear. She feared being held accountable to God for her thoughts. He slowly over a couple of years took her mind so she no longer feared then he took her home. What a beautiful gift he gave her. 

There are some days still that I can hardly breathe at the thought that he wanted me and saved me. I am still in awe that he does. I truly believe that if we don't understand our very nature we become blind to what we are capable of that hurts him and others. We conform our minds and hearts to these rules, because we fear that we may be wrong. He already knows our hearts and thoughts.  We fear change. God is always trying to chip away at the rules; a hardened heart. 

I have been reading a lot about forgiveness and grace the last few weeks. Paul's conversion is incredible to me. He was such an evil man and he became one of God's greatest warriors. I have been wondering how long it took people to trust him. If they were always suspicious of his acts and words. They knew what he was capable of. God used that for his purpose. 

"But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. 14 And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.”15 But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.16 For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” Acts 9:13-16

I have read the above scripture numerous time, but the last verse had never popped out at me. Paul suffered tremendously for him. The idea that we won't is a lie that people have taught themselves. We have to accept that he does allow that and be grateful for it. Paul was grateful for his salvation from his great sins. 

I think we believe that God changed from the wrathful God in the Old Testament to a passive, weak man in Jesus. He did not change - he is the same as yesterday, today and tomorrow. Do not fear repentance from him, because then you miss out on the beautiful gift of grace. 

A friend asked me a couple of weeks ago if I could describe my journey in one word what would it be; grace. After all theses years I finally realized that he made me angry enough with my diagnosis to forget my fear of being held accountable by him. I would have missed out on a lot of gifts; what a sad way to live.