is it rebuking, or is just being mean

christian rebuking is something that you will have to face in your journey with GOD. if you aren't backing it with scripture and you are just plain, outright being judgemental and selfish. then you are being mean and hurtful. this one is a hard one, because individuals will see it as an attack sometimes, or they will learn from it. i have said this before that scripture is offensive, and we must own our words and actions. if you are speaking about the christian life, but aren't living that life then you are open for rebuking when you ask for guidance, or a trusted individual in life gives you that.

when hurtful things happen to us we usually can only see our side. we don't take the time to put ourselves in another's shoes. i have been called bitter, angry and unhappy with my life. i'm not unhappy with my life, i'm unhappy with situations in my life. there is difference. for most of us we aren't unhappy with the way our life is going, we're just upset by the circumstances that have unfolded around us. it's all apart of the cycles that we go through. their will be months in your life where nothing tests you, and then bam out of no where a test or trial comes our way.

i go to a few friends, or pastors more for guidance then i do my parents now. it's not that i don't trust my parents judgement it's just if it is something about my marriage they don't need to know. they will only see my side and that is a dishonor to my husband. the other problem of course is whether i say something or not to them they know when i am hurting.

paul was a master at rebuking. i don't mean that in a bad way. he just knew what others were to be doing because GOD had told him what they should be doing. i have had to humbly admit when i was wrong in a situation and try to learn from that. when i was in my teens and twenties i would say whatever even more than i do now. which is amazing if you think about it for those of you that know me. my husband has had to make sure i hold my tongue. i am quite grateful that he has done this over the years. i still can put my foot in my mouth, but he has saved me numerous times from causing damage.

a situation occurred a little over a month ago where i put my foot in my mouth and said aloud my judgements about another. i judged everything about this individual and the choices they had made, because i was deeply hurt by them. it's not my life; i had no right do that. i turned my hurt and anger around onto this individual and attacked them verbally. i was rebuked by my husband and he made me see what i had done. i apologized because i knew i was wrong about what i had done. this should have been the end of it.

i have thought about how to handle this and sought guidance from much wiser individuals and scripture. the written words that followed were not true about by my character and they were done to hurt me intentionally. i had caused this person great pain in this situation, but this person also caused me great pain. we were both wrong. i forgive this person because GOD has told me to. i confessed my sin to HIM and to others, now i'm doing it here. if i am to live a christian life then i must learn to forgive.

what we do on this earth and the choices we make will affect our journey to eternal life in heaven. that is not a lie. if we are not seeking guidance from scripture or seeking repentance for our sins, we may not make it to heaven. GOD does not give wiggle room. we all must take accountability and humility for our words and actions.


"We usually think of a rebuke as a bad thing, but when it's used in love to put somebody on the correct path, it can be a blessing to them." 2 timothy 4:2

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." proverbs 11:2

mind games the devil plays

for years i have tried to read "the screwtape letters" by c.s. lewis. i have started reading it over and over again, but can never finish because i know that it is the mind game that the devil plays with each of us. i didn't always believe that he could so easily penetrate your life, but he can and will always try to find a door to slip through.

the games he plays with your mind and heart can destroy you if you're not careful. the way he always gets me is to feed on my insecurities and low self-esteem. i am quite an emotional person by nature. my heart breaks very easily. i used to be much better at putting a wall up around myself that was hard to break, not always, but most of the time. now that i have let GOD in the devil is trying harder to get in and since i have been writing this blog he is constantly at my door knocking.

the misconception that most christians believe is that if they sin they will be forgiven. you have to confess your sin and then try you damnedest not to do it again. that is hard, because some things are hard to stop. anger is probably his greatest ally. when you are angry about something he feeds on it and makes you fester about it. in our anger we sometimes become something we're not and lash out. i have failed at this many, many times. i have a terrible temper.

yesterday, a dear friend emailed me beautiful affirmation about myself and in only my way i had a very hard time believing it. they are beautiful compliments about who i am as a person and a friend. for the last couple of months i have been put through some of the hardest tests that i have had to face in my life; some in my control and some out of my control. i didn't handle the stress of some of them very well and i got sick with all of them combined. GOD JUST PULLED ME RIGHT BACK TO HIM! HE is pulling me deeper into HIS words and what i need to learn from them, but the devil is playing his game much harder now.

spiritual warfare goes on all day, everyday if we don't know how to fight it. we must be aware of what is going on inside us and let GOD take over to flow freely to help us. age plays a big role in it. i can see things differently than i did 10, 15, or 20 years ago when my mind was still growing to maturity. when we continually seek wisdom and discernment from GOD it may take HIM a while to show you the error of your ways, or what that trial is about over the long term but HE will show you the greater picture.

with that said GOD will show you where you were right also. if you are following his rules to best of your ability then you are right. GOD knows your not perfect, but HE also knows that you are capable of following HIS laws the best way you can.

over the last few weeks i have been reading and studying mostly about paul. his letters and teachings to the churches that GOD instructed him to write were by far in my opinion one of the greatest gifts to the new testament. paul was favored as most of you know by GOD, but at one time he was a murderer of christians. GOD knew his spiritual gifts and HE made sure to pull him back to HIM, so that he would become one of the greatest apostles that world has known.

the devil is betting on each one of us right now to fail to go to GOD. with all the anger in the world he is winning whether you believe that or not. we are losing hope in GOD as a nation, but we are also allowing it. when i continue to let my insecurities take over he is winning in me. it scares me that i would allow that to happen. we all have fight in us. we all have great strength. we just have to use GOD's words and rules to fight. don't ever let someone tell you that you are not a worthy person - GOD thinks your worthy when you follow HIM and that is all that matters.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." james 4:7

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33

GOD told us and tells us to forgive

forgiveness is a hard one. individuals harbor their resentment on how someone has hurt them, or wronged them in their lives. it is probably one of the hardest acts to do in human nature. for most of us, including me, it is sometimes hard to move forward and forgive. GOD told us and tells us that we must forgive, or HE will not forgive us.

the grace of forgiving someone that has wronged you has got to be a struggle. some things are easily forgivable, others are not. i just got done reading a book that really spoke to my heart about forgiving and what that means. this family went through horrific events done to them by a church member and a church member's husband. the surviving family members had to forgive, because GOD told them to and this family's faith is what pulled them through.

we usually want instant forgiveness from the person we have wronged, but that isn't going always to be the case. sometimes we will never get an apology for a wrong that was done to us. the paradox of course is that it usually takes two to create a bad situation to begin with, so you have to look into your hearts and see what you have done wrong also. most individuals don't want to do that, because then they would have to admit their failings. GOD doesn't work that way i have found out through years of studying and seeking wisdom from HIM.

being the bigger person, or just setting aside your pride is something that HE will tell you over and over again to do. growing in HIM isn't just about learning HIS words, it's how you execute those words in your life and by example. a trap you fall into sometimes is that you may know scripture down to the last word and if you use that against someone, you better know your own failures because GOD will hold you accountable for that. when HE says love your enemies as you would yourself HE means that. all of us have demons we just have to be able to recognize that about ourselves before we judge another, so we can learn to forgive another.

i recently read on revive our hearts.com that you can have checklist about what GOD has taught you and if you have executed that throughout the day. it asked the question "did you bring GLORY to GOD today by your actions?" that doesn't just mean if you were pure in your actions, it's how you treated another. it's how you wrote about another. it's how you thought about another. it's about what you gave to another that day.

some of us in our pride will never be able to forgive. i ask you the question then "how can you ask for GOD's forgiveness and grace?" in all HIS glory HE still will not forgive you for it. we have been taught that GOD forgives all and gives grace for all things, but that's not true. you MUST learn to forgive and give grace. you MUST learn to set aside your pride. you MUST do it because HE commands you to - there is no wiggle room.

"43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[i] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." matthew 5:43-48


"9 This, then, is how you should pray:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
but deliver us from the evil one.[b]

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." matthew 6:9-15

a poem

this poem was written by ramona nichols. the book that it comes from is "the devil in pew number seven" written by her daughter, rebecca nichols alonso. the story of their lives is an incredible journey of faith and forgiveness.

"has the meditation of my heart been acceptable to my LORD, or have the words of my mouth caused some soul to go astray?
have i shed enough tears to wash my SAVIOR'S feet, or is my hair long enough to dry them with?
have i pointed HIM to the world with judas's finger, and lost my love for HIM because of gold?
have i forsaken all to follow HIM the last mile, or do i prefer the mob that scorned HIM?
could i have watched HIS blood trickle down the stones without a guilty conscience, or stood in silence from of man?
did i hold the nail they pierced HIM with, or did the thorns pain HIM with my sins?
do i, as peter, deny that i ever knew HIM by not confessing HIM to my friends?
do i love my brothers and sisters enough that i would lay down my own life for them, or do i love HIM enough to introduce my SAVIOR to a lost world?
oh LORD, may i be aware daily of thy sufferings for me, for i am not worthy of cavalry.

definitions

i have been thinking about the sisters martha and mary. my first bible study was the book "having a mary heart in a martha world" and their story blessed my heart. i have gone back to this book and these verses trying to remember what i should learn from them today's world. men and women today put too much pressure on themselves to be more physically and emotionally than what GOD created them for.

first of all this christmas was the first time in a long time that i did not get everything done that i wanted to. this was also the first time that i didn't apologize for it. it feels pretty good. maybe people noticed, or maybe they didn't. it doesn't matter. we make the choices that stress us out - no one else does. i started thinking about the term that i hear most often from women and that is "i have been so busy." i am starting to wonder if we are choosing that instead of actually putting what's first, first.

women are powerhouses. we work; inside the home and outside the home. we are wives. we are mothers. we are shoppers. we are chauffers. we are everything. men over the years have started to put these roles on as well. we have told them they have to, because we do. it's interesting when you think about it though most men in the bible did not have the woman's role. GOD clearly defined roles for men and women, but somewhere a long the road in the journey of the world women decided that men should be doing what women do.....why? WE HAVE BASICALLY SAID GOD WAS WRONG!

women are notorious complainers. we ask men to do something and then complain about the way it was done. then why ask? in our household due to my illness, i have to ask my husband to do some things that normally i would do...guess what i complain about it afterwards! no wonder he doesn't want to do it. i am realizing as i a get older and study the bible more that he will do it differently than me and in his time frame. why is that wrong? it's not, it's just that society has told me since the time of my birth that it was wrong. we have totally confused our roles. i think that my grandmother was right when she said "women decided to be men and that is what is wrong with the world."

we can't have it both ways. it is a MYTH that we can. if GOD wanted us to be the same, HE would have made us the same. can you imagine if you stopped thinking that way how much pressure you would relieve from yourself physically and emotionally? there are things that i can do better than my husband and there are things that he can do better than me. for the first time in our marriage it is ok that we do not do it the same way. when you do something that is against your nature, it's only going to stress you out more.

stop getting pissed (sorry for the word, needed emphasis!) about what the other isn't doing in your mind and just let them do what they can do. we are making the choice to be this way - no one else. GOD didn't tell us to be this way and if you are HIS child then listen to what HE is saying to you.

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

one nation under GOD

a story that would normally make me angry, made me sad. when a class of students were sent home a permission to say the pledge of allegiance in class my heart broke with what this country has become. with christmas coming and the true meaning of what that day is i have no idea what our future will hold. i am confused really at why it is become so offensive to some to worship such a beautiful GOD.

at the beginning of my journey i still knew where we came from and what this country believed at the start of it no matter where my faith stood. why in the world did we lose that? i think about those that are celebrating christmas, but say they don't believe in JESUS CHRIST. why are you celebrating then? christmas is the day where we pour our hearts out in joy over the birth of the HEAVENLY FATHER that saved us from ourselves. christmas is about what we give to others that we love and cherish. we learned from GOD that we were to give.

in the coming year i hope that this country returns to something simpler and meaningful. i hope that we learn the value of humility and give up our pride. i pray that we become the nation that we once were and give up our idols. i pray that we return to HIM on bended knee and beg forgiveness for what we have done. it doesn't matter what political views you have, if GOD isn't first then none of that will matter. we can't fix anything if we don't learn from HIS WORDS.

we as a world were given the greatest GIFT by the birth of HIS SON and the death of HIS SON; please don't take that for granted. in the grand scheme of things, it won't be GOD that destroys us, it will be us if we make that choice. i pray for those that don't understand what they are giving up by not accepting HIM into there hearts. it shouldn't be about what you think you are going to lose by doing it, it's about what you will gain by letting HIM in.

let HIM flow freely in your veins, let HIM conquer your hardened hearts, and most of all let HIM show you HIS grace.

"may the GOD of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in HIM, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of THE HOLY SPIRIT." romans 15:13

mary - the mother of CHRIST

recently i purchased a book of GOD'S promises for women. there is a section that talks about dynamic women of faith. there are 3 scriptures they have included for mary that are beautiful. what a courageous woman that GOD chose to bear HIS son. i can't even imagine what she went through giving birth to HIM and knowing that one day HE would die for us.


"The Birth of Jesus Foretold
26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her." luke 1:26-31

"25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,[b] here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home." john 25-27

"Mary’s Song
46 And Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49 for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50 His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51 He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53 He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54 He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55 to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”
luke 1:46-55

recovery

during the last week of treatment i tend to go through a phase where i really dislike having ms, and i am sad and angry about it. i always think of the "what if" scenario. generally, i try to stay pretty positive about it and bury it at the end of the list. actually, what i do is try to forget i have it and don't embrace it. recently, my mother told one of my relatives that i try to do "normal" things and not think about it. that struck me, not in a bad way, just a "wait a minute" kinda way, and i began thinking why do i do that?

i get pretty down about it. my body is still trying to recover from it and i am trying to get back to some sense of normalcy. sunday and monday were good and bad days emotionally. while sitting in church at the end of service i broke down crying. it wasn't really a sense of fear, or anger it was more a sense of realizing that i was letting go of the overwhelming burden of this disease once again. there are some days where it is just too much to be strong, or gracious about it. you get tired of it always being at the back of your mind and trying to overcome the obstacles with it.

during these times it is by far some of the best reflection i have with GOD. it's the rawness of it. nothing is held back. that is exactly what HE wants from us; to expose ourselves to HIM. this is the time that i feel HIM most in my life and when i let HIM in the most. GOD is so glorious that HE knows when you need HIM the most. this last attack has put a different understanding on my heart about what HE wants from me and to be quite honest it has been a relief to my mind. i didn't realize just how tired i was.

yesterday afternoon my children and i were reading a version of the nativity story from the viewpoint of the animals. every page of the book the animals were saying "someone is coming" and my children kept yelling "JESUS." i kept thinking about how awesome that truly is and that we were given such a precious gift. the biggest gift he has given me in the last month is that i have had to realize that it is not what i need to give, it's what i can only give.

i have been thinking a lot about my grandmother over the last few days and what i could learn from her life. my grandma got it. she did what she could do and did not make apologies for what she couldn't do. she really did live by HIS rules, not society's. GOD always is teaching you something and i love that about HIM. what a great blessing i have to have HIM in my life to go to.

it's taken me since may to really accept my last mri results and realize that now it's time that i move into another stage of my life. with 2011 approaching it's not gonna be about what i think i need to do, it's gonna be about what i can do from now on. it's gonna be ok if i say "i can't do that." what a heavy burden lifted from myself - THANK YOU GOD!

"i applied my heart to know, to search and seek out wisdom and the reason for things." eccelesiastes 7:25

gettin right with GOD

a few weeks ago in church one of our pastors gave a sermon about how individuals feel that they need to "get right with GOD" before they come to HIM. i have been thinking about this and i wonder if the individual is doing it because of GOD, or because of people judging them about their relationship with GOD? guess what it seems to be because of self-righteous christians and not what scripture has told you.

believing in GOD and HIS WORD is not always easy as you learn more about HIM. i have caught myself on numerous occasions becoming obsessed with what GOD has told me to do and not just living. i have caught myself judging harshly of others, when i shouldn't have done that. see that is the trap that at some point most christians do in their journey and the harsh reality is GOD is going to judge you for it - extra hard. to me that's not about faith, that's about trying to control another. see we have to realize that we can only be ourselves and not judge another on how they live their lives. that is a hard lesson to learn.

the simple question to this is "who are we to judge another?" each one of us is a sinner. each one of us has our own demons. where we begin to fail is when we don't have enough humility to lay down our sins and seek forgiveness. sometimes the most humble thing you can do is just say i was wrong whether or not you think you were right. if you are still holding on to the pride of it then you are wrong. with every trial or blessing that we encounter GOD is teaching us something about ourselves and we should be turning to HIM and HIS lessons.

i have trapped myself over the years worrying about what others think of me. i have to stop this and remember who i am. the only individual that i should ever worry about is my husband. one of the best lessons i will be able to teach my children is that they must be who they are - the way GOD made them. that HE loves them just the way they are.

i worry that individuals are not brought to CHRIST because of the judgement of other christians. one of the greatest lessons CHRIST taught us is that only HE has the right to judge on how an individual lives. i pray that we as christians know when we do this and we have enough humility to admit that we wrong. we have been given the gift of salvation by HIS death. all our sins our forgiven.

"HE said to them, you are the ones who justify your-selves in the eyes of men, but GOD knows your hearts. what is highly valued among men is detestable in GOD'S sight." luke 16:13

a letter from my cousin

my cousin has great passion for the LORD. he has traveled the world on missions to help those in need and spread the gospel. i admire that. we both lost our beautiful grandmother this year, and that hit us all hard. she had a way of reaching out to each of her grandchildren, and i might add that he is the only that kept up with her piano lessons.

this past week we received his christmas letter and i asked if i could share it with all of you. it is a beautiful letter about GOD, faith and what JESUS CHRIST means to us that believe.

"dear friends and family,

i hope you're doing well and that this has been a good year for you. for the most part 2010 has been a good year for me; however, it's also been a very sobering one. the death this year of my grandmother and the sudden deaths of two of my co-workers reminded me that life is short and none of us knows how much time we have here on earth. consequently there's some important information as your friend/relative i feel the need to share with you.

in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season it's easy to lose track of why we celebrate christmas. christmas is a celebration of the birth of the savior, JESUS CHRIST, that GOD sent to us. why did we need a savior? well, that's what i wanted to share with you in this letter. in a nutshell, here's what the bible teaches:

1. GOD created us because HE wanted to have a personal relationship with us. however, because of our sin we are separated from GOD. the bible teaches that if people die in this condition they will be eternally separated from GOD in hell, which is a literal place that JESUS himself mentioned several times in the bible. the bible also teaches that people cannot remove this separation nor earn their way into with their good deeds; GOD is holy and righteous, and because of HIS righteousness HE is compelled to judge sin and cannot simply overlook it. many people believe that "good" people automatically go to heaven and only "bad" people go to hell, but that isn't what the bible teaches.

2. the good news is that GOD loves us so much that HE sent HIS SON, JESUS CHRIST, to die for our sins so that we wouldn't have to pay the penalty of our sins in hell: "for GOD so loved the world that HE gave HIS ONE and ONLY SON, that whoever believes in HIM shall not perish but have eternal life" john 3:16

3. it's not enough to just intellectually believe that JESUS died for our sins. in order to receive GOD'S salvation we must individually receive JESUS CHRIST through faith. a person can receive JESUS into their lives by confessing to GOD that they're a sinner, by accepting JESUS' death on the cross as payment for their sins, and by asking JESUS to come into their life as their LORD and SAVIOR.

4. the bible teaches that JESUS is the only way to heaven: "salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." acts 4:12. JESUS HIMSELF claimed to be only way to heaven: "I AM the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the FATHER (i.e. GOD) except through me" john 14:6. on one side note: if, as many people believe, there are other ways to get to heaven, it would have been awfully cruel of GOD to send JESUS to die on the cross for us since there would have been no need for it.

5. people who've accepted JESUS CHRIST have no need to fear death, because their sins are completely forgiven and GOD promises them eternal life with HIM in heaven: "therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in CHRIST JESUS" romans 8:1; "i write these things to you who believe in the name of the SON OF GOD so that you may know that you have eternal life." 1 john 5:13

i know many of you share my christian beliefs so you probably feel like i'm preaching to the choir. for you i'm writing this letter as an encouragement to you in the midst of any trials you may currently be facing; any temporary problems we may face here on earth pale in comparison to the precious and eternal gift we have in JESUS. i'm also writing to clarify any misconceptions you might have about what the bible teaches about salvation; i myself used to have misunderstandings about it, so i figured there's a chance some of you might have similar misconceptions. up until my 30s i believed that although JESUS died for my sins i still had to be a good person to get into heaven. i eventually learned that the bible doesn't teach that JESUS plus good deeds gets us into heaven; it teaches that salvation comes through faith in JESUS in alone "GOD saved you by HIS grace when you believed. and you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from GOD. salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." ephesians 2:8-9
as long as we in our pride hold on to the notion that our trust in JESUS alone and humbly admitting to GOD there's nothing we can do on our own to earn our way to heaven can we be assured of salvation.

i realize that this is pretty heavy stuff i'm sharing with you and that this isn't a normal christmas letter you typically receive from folks. please know that i'm not trying to force my religious beliefs on you. one of the many freedoms we enjoy in this country is the freedom to choose our own religion (or the freedom to not follow religion at all), which is a freedom i hold very dear. i'm writing this letter to you not to force my beliefs on you but rather because i care about you and want to give enough information so you can make an informed decision about JESUS on your own. if what the bible teaches us is true (which i believe it is), then the most important decision any of us will make in this lifetime is whether or not we receive GOD'S free gift of salvation by accepting what JESUS did for us on the cross as payment for our sins.

i'm enclosing a book that goes into more depth (for your joy) about what the bible teaches about all this that i hope you'll find helpful. if at some point you have questions about christianity in general please feel free to ask me. i realize that one's religious beliefs are a very personal thing, so if you don't want to talk about this i totally understand. i want to respect your "space" so i'm not planning to talk about this letter unless you bring it up, but i want you to know you always have an open door to ask me questions, whether that be now or in the future.

i hope you have a blessed christmas and i wish you the very best in 2011."

our family

i am in awe of my family...they are all truly amazing individuals. i was out running errands thinking about and missing my grandmother and uncle, just giving praise to the LORD that HE released them from their pain. that right there is a christmas gift in it self.

we have been blessed this year with milestones and achievements. my husband continues to strive and grow in his job. my boys are learning so much at school and in our home it makes my heart happy. those are the simple things that matter. we are a very blessed family. we have food on our table, shelter, and clothing; all the things GOD said HE would provide for us.

over the last week a certain peace has come over my heart. i needed that right now and GOD gave me that. as we move on to christmas, it's not so much what we hope to receive, but what we have already been given this year.

i have been watching a trend in america that is heart warming. although, we are worried about the state of our economy we seem to be returning to something simpler, something with more meaning. we are realizing as a nation that living is far more important than the stuff. individuals are starting to reach out to each for the first time in a long time, and that is what the GOOD LORD wants from us.

over the last week my children and i have taken to yelling out "THANK YOU GOD" all day whenever we feel like it. i love to hear their excited, little voices giving praise to our LORD. it's a good thing to know that the only thing they seek from us as parents is "us." they just want to be with us, everywhere.

on thursday night when i spoke out to the individuals that suffer from ms and to the individuals that help care for them and GOD overflowed. my parents were there, which was very special to me. the next day both gave me something that i needed to hear - affirmation about my life and the woman that i have become, and still becoming. it was an honor to hear this from them both. they are both strong individuals that rarely share their feelings about their children. to hear that they are proud of my journey is a great gift to me, because i am so very proud of my parents and the life they have led.

i often think about how hard it is for them to witness their daughter being ill, and that they can't take that away. i think about the fact that they both are who they are and you always know what to expect from them. it is a blessing that i don't have been anything but me with them, and they love me for it. they are proud of our family. they are proud of my husband and my children, and the great grace and dignity in which we live our lives.

all things work through HIM. all things come through HIM. no matter what our trials have been over the last year HIS purpose is greater. HE wants you to live in the freedom of knowing that HE created each one of you in HIS glory; with all your beauty and flaws.

"i will bless the LORD at all times; HIS praise shall continually be in my mouth. my soul make its boast in the LORD; the humble shall hear of it and be glad. oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt HIS name together. I sought the LORD, and HE heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. they looked to HIM and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed. this poor man cried out, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. the angel of the LORD encamps all around those who fear HIM, and delivers them. oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who trusts in HIM." psalm 34:1-8

the prophecy of CHRIST

christmas is a week away...i can't believe it! the year has just flown by. people have said that as you get older time seems to move faster. over the last month i have a caught a couple of shows regarding CHRIST and the bible. by far one of strangest to me was a group individuals talking about the actual birth of JESUS. i love history, i love it.

there are 333 prophecies of JESUS CHRIST in the hebrew bible. isaiah chapter 9 is the prophecy of "to us a child is born." there has been a debate regarding the actual day of CHRIST'S birth for centuries because of what they say are inconsistencies in the gospels of matthew, mark, luke and john. i have heard some scholars say that it actually happend in the spring and not the winter. that the actual date was a pagan holiday and the catholic church changed it to a christian holiday.

most recently i have heard that HE wasn't even born in a manger, because of mary and joseph's social class. scientists, researchers, and archaeologists all seem to have a hard time believing that JESUS was not just a man, but the SON OF GOD because they can't find the physical evidence to prove it. one of my favorite things that GOD does is every once in a while he gives man something tangible to hold to from the bible. it's almost like HE is saying to us "see I told you it was true."

in the bigger picture though does the physical evidence even matter to christians; no. we know through our faith that we were given a beautiful, loving gift the day HE was born. we know that GOD gave us something to save us from ourselves. we know scripture is the living, breathing word of GOD always.

over the last week my 5 year old and i have had a continual debate about who was born on christmas. he thinks it was santa and i keep telling him, no it was JESUS. a couple of years ago we decided to have a birthday cake on christmas day for JESUS as a tradition in our family. yesterday, i told him that we had to make a birthday cake for JESUS on christmas - PRAISE THE LORD, he finally said "JESUS was born on CHRISTMAS?" the failure on my part is that i should have been saying all a long that, that is what christmas day is all about, not santa. i did explain however that JESUS likes to give us gifts on that day so we can rejoice in HIS birth and that HE will always give him beautiful gifts if he just believes!

6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the greatness of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this. isaiah 9:6-7

a test of courage and my faith

2 weeks ago i was thinking about not writing this blog anymore. i wrote a posting that was very transparent about my husband's and my journey in marriage. it was a very hard posting for me to write because it admits my failures as a wife, and what can happen if things aren't resolved. since beginning this i have always felt lead to share it with others. i have felt lead to share what GOD does in our lives when we just pay attention to what HE is telling us.

our journey through this life is our own. our journey with CHRIST is our own. the relationship that you have with GOD will be your greatest legacy for those that come after you. who you are is just how HE made you, so the idea that you have to be something different is a lie. HE accepts you just as you are when you come to HIM. when you feel the HOLY SPIRIT enter your heart, HIS wisdom will always prevail and HIS greater purpose will always come out of it. now, since i've been writing this i have been given a chance to share my faith with others aloud.

there are two things in life they say that individuals fear the most; public speaking and snakes. i am terrified of both. it is one thing to sit in a room with others and talk about GOD, it is another to stand before someone that may or may not have accepted JESUS CHRIST into there life. so what do you do? do you go with the political correctness and try not to worry about offending someone, or do you actually say what GOD is leading you to say? that will be my test tonight and i hope that i give HIM the glory that HE so richly deserves.

tonight i will be staring out at individuals that have ms, their caregivers, doctors, nurses and pharmaceutical reps to talk about this journey. i have asked my parents to be there and one of my most cherished friends along with my husband and children. tonight these individuals will see what my testimony of faith is. i have doubts and worries that my perception of the gospel is not what GOD is actually saying. i have anxiety that my passion alone for CHRIST will not be seen. my prayer is that if i can connect with just one over the beautiful riches of our LORD then i have done to the best of my ability what HE has asked me to do for HIM.

my ms is what brought me to HIM and it will always bring me back to him. everyone that has been brought to my life since then has been because of HIM. he gave me a husband that took the vow "in sickness and health" with great grace, dignity and responsibility. i have been honored and blessed by GOD'S strength. this disease brings great humility and great pride. it pushes you to be something bigger than an illness.

you have to be able to admit weaknesses and you have to be able to praise your strengths. this illness has made me question not just myself, but the trials of the world. with my physical limitations i have to push myself in the job that HE gave me to raise my children and be a wife. i have to honor HIM in these gifts, because that is why HE gave it to me. HE has given me something to care for regardless of how i physically feel. i can only do what HE has asked of me, nothing more, nothing less.

tonight i hope to honor those that handle this disease with such grace and dignity. i hope to honor my husband, a caregiver, for all that he has had to endure with this illness. pray for me that GOD will come through in all HIS glory to show these individuals that it is because HIM that we are here.

"though he stumble, he will not fall, for LORD upholds him with HIS HAND." psalm 37:24

"have I not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD YOUR GOD will be with you wherever you go." joshua 1:9

"consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of CHRIST." romans 10:17

are we failing our children?

Let's not fall into the trap of harmful, misguided "compassion": “Warn those who are idle” 1 Thess. 5:14 “We gave you this rule: ‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat…We hear that some among you are idle…Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ, to settle down and earn the bread they eat.” (2 Thess. 3:11-13)

i have never wanted for anything in my life. i have been blessed and fortunate that i came from a family that worked very hard. most of them still do, and they instilled those values in me. i married a man that came from a family with an incredible work ethic. so he takes the responsibility of providing for us very seriously. before we decided i would stay at home, i worked very hard. i loved working. there is great fullfillment in earning your daily bread.

there are a great deal of individuals that are in need in this country today. there are a lot of individuals that want to support their families and can't, but what about the individuals that can work but won't. what about the individuals that feel a job is beneath them? how do we handle that?

there a lot of pastors or teachers of scripture that tend to "sugar coat" our trials. GOD said that we would go through trials, but that is HIS way of making you return to HIM and focus on HIS teachings. HE has a greater purpose for all things in our sufferings.

are we failing to teach our children that they must work just as GOD told them by allowing them to be rewarded for everything?

there is new rule in our house that if a toy is damaged it goes in the trash and it is not replaced. my children have to understand that life is beautiful and hard all at the same time. i have to raise men, not men that think they deserve the world without working for it. they have to understand there is a consequence to not obeying their parents, or GOD. we have lost the ability of accountability in this world and if our children don't understand this then we have failed as parents.

when GOD gives you the gift of raising one of HIS children HE expects you to take care of that child's need no matter what. HE expects you to clothe, feed and protect that child and instill that value in them. i'm afraid that we are teaching our children by our actions that they will lack for nothing even when they don't work for it. what are we doing? our children are innocent and they have to be taught everyday, all day so they can survive in the world. they have to understand that all things come from GOD when they are willing to work hard for that. GOD blesses us in our trials and we must glorify HIM for that and see the bigger picture.

my sons see a man everyday that is willing to do anything for them. they see a man that treats his wife and her needs with respect. they see a man that provides a home, so their mother can watch and care for them everyday without working outside of the home. they see a man that doesn't take hand-outs just because he can. they see a man that will always be willing to put GOD first and provide. they see parents that would be willing to work 5 jobs just to put food on the table.

i read a quote once that a woman wrote that said teaching children about GOD is abuse. why would any rational person say that? now i could understand if someone was teaching only about hell and sin, then the parent is obviously not teaching about the grace and blessings of GOD. my mother worked as a social worker for over 30 years by the time she retired and i saw parents that abused their children in ways that were unforgivable. one of the saddest reasons is neglect and parents putting themselves above an innocent child. so many of them abused the system of just wanting the money for drugs and alcohol, and not for the care of their children. helping someone in need is one thing, but enabling someones selfishness is another.

with political correctness overcoming this country we have failed to tell our children that if we can't afford it we don't buy it. greed is the reason that our economy is failing. we wanted more than what we needed, because we thought we deserved that. we were willing to take loans, or more credit than we could afford. when are we going to take accountability for what is happening to us?

tattoos, ear piercings and blue hair

someones appearance usually causes a judgement about who they are. when you first meet someone you notice how they look. we assume that's who the person is. vanity hit me the other morning when i was looking at my hair and i found more greys. i never thought that would bother me, but it does. the idea of growing old with wisdom is one thing, but looking older is another. the saying never judge a book by it's cover is true.

texas women are notorious for their hair and make-up. it's a known fact that we like things bigger down here in the lone star state and sometimes that means really big hair. i have beautiful friends that look incredible every time i see them, each one is different in appearance, but their hearts and minds are what make them. where in the world do these rules come from? do we get it from the magazines, or the bible? did our mothers teach us that, or our friends? what makes women feel like they have to look, or be a certain way in the world?

the photograph was by far one of the greatest inventions. i love that photographers can catch the beauty of individual for the world to see. they can freeze it in time how GOD made an individual. i love that you can look at a man, a woman or a child just in their everyday world and capture that beauty; real people that aren't staging something for the world. i look at christmas cards that are just of snapshots from a family and those are my favorite. our photographer lets us roam to catch our family and our love for each other. she has a way of catching my children and their beauty.

when GOD made you physically HE broke the mold afterwards so no one else could be like you. HE didn't do it just in appearance, but HE did it with your souls as well. HE makes you who you are and what you become. HE challenges you to be that person that HE created. HE wants you to look at yourself as more than just an appearance, but as a person that is willing to discover the beauty inside themselves and share that with the world.

i love individuals that express what is on the inside to the outside. i love that individuals are willing to be just as GOD as made them, nothing more, nothing less. when someone is truly beautiful it is because of what is in their hearts and minds not what they look like on the outside.

"the KING is enthralled by your beauty, for he is your LORD." psalm 45:11

perfection

what is perfection? men and women want things to be perfect. that's not reality of course, but who defines it in your life? sometimes we become so obsessed with living out this perfect life that we can't see outside the box. we can't see that the only perfection in the world is GOD and none of us are GOD. my husband has the incredible gift of taking it day by day. that's probably why GOD put us together. he can make a choice and not think about it ever again. i make a choice and i fester on it for days or weeks. i worry too much he says and he's right.

GOD doesn't want you to worry or feel anxiety about the choices you've made, he wants you to move forward and learn from them. my husband gets that and it is one of those characteristics that i love most about him. see i worry so much that i make myself sick. i worry all the time, but why should i? it is a habit that is hard to break, but when i continue to do it when GOD has told me not to then i'm breaking the rules. everyday is a new day and you have to realize that with your imperfections GOD still loves you no matter what. if you are trying to live by his word to the best of your knowledge then you are ok in HIS eyes.

i've been thinking about my grandmother and my uncle a lot the last week. i miss them both and their wise words. both were so opposite and so different, but neither was wrong on how they lived. just different. my grandmother put GOD above all things no matter how brutal that truth could be to your ears. my uncle was the same way about saying what you didn't always want to hear. they both lived their lives according to what they felt was best for them. you can learn a lot from individuals like that. they didn't worry about the world's view of them, they just did what they had to do. i don't think they had many regrets, at least they never spoke of them that often, and if they did they just moved forward.

i've lost my focus on the little things and am constantly thinking about the bigger picture. i have had to reevaluate what GOD is asking me to do and what others think i should do. i was becoming trapped in this world of being perfect. i think we all fall into the trap of thinking that someone should be living one way or another, we don't think about that it may not be best for them.

over the last week i have been looking at a picture of my husband and i that was taken at our wedding. i have been thinking about marrying him and what we had forgotten with each other. we had forgotten why we married each other to begin with. when i look my husband i see a man that could move mountains if he wanted to. i see a man that provides everyday for his family and he takes that very seriously. i see a man that loves his wife because of who she is and all of her imperfections; what more could i ask for. i still love to watch him. i still love to see when he realizes just how incredible he is.

over the last couple of weeks he made me remember why he married me and i made him remember why i married him. that while were both not perfect we accept each other for who we are. marriage is hard enough that you don't need the added pressure of trying to change each other, just realizing that GOD made you different and that is the way HE wants you to be. who says that you need to be perfect; GOD doesn't.

"this righteousness from GOD comes through faith in JESUS CHRIST to all who believe. there is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of GOD, and are justified freely by the grace through redemption that came by JESUS CHRIST." romans 3:22-23

the battle for our mind by rick warren

Though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

Five Principles

We Must Teach Members

1) Don’t Believe Everything You Think

We all have a mental illness. It’s called sin. This means we can’t trust what we ourselves even think.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

We have an amazing ability to lie to ourselves.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8)

The upcoming generation places great value on authenticity. But it’s important to see that you’re not authentic until you can publicly admit how inauthentic you are most of the time.

Reasons we can’t trust ourselves:

We all have blind spots.
We don’t stop to really think.
We fail to notice important details.
We have background biases.
We jump to conclusions.
We get trapped by categories.
We miss the big picture.
We see what we want to see.

2) Guard Your Minds from Garbage

A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash. (Proverbs 15:14, NLT)

Nutritionists will tell you that there are three kinds of food: brain food, junk food, and toxic food. The same is true with what you see and hear. We need to fill our minds with the right things.

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. (Psalm 101:3, ESV)

How do you guard your mind against garbage? There are two ways from Philippians 4:6-8:

Conversational prayer (“pray about everything”)
Concentrated focusing (“fix your thoughts”)

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.... Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:6-8, NLT)

One of the keys to overcoming temptation is not to resist it, but to replace it. It’s “the expulsive power of a new affection” that helps us overcome temptation.

3) Never Let Up on Learning

Growing churches require growing pastors.

The mind of a smart person is eager to get knowledge. The wise person listens to learn more. (Proverbs 18:15, ICB)

Wise men store up knowledge . . . (Proverbs 10:14)

One of the ways you can store up knowledge is to start a godly family library and leave it as a legacy to the next generation.

You should read 25 percent of your books from the first 1500 years of church history, 25 percent from the last 500 years, 25 percent from the last 100 years, and 25 percent from recent years.

Those who get wisdom do themselves a favor, and those who love learning will succeed. (Proverbs 19:8, NCV)

The Five Levels of Learning

Knowledge - “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” (Hosea 4:6, NIV)
Perspective (Wisdom) - “I don’t think the way you think, and the way you work isn’t the way I work.” (Isaiah 55:8, MSG)
Conviction - “Our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction.” (1 Thessalonians 1:5, NIV)
Character - “As the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more.” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT)

Skills - “If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed. But skill will bring success.” (Ecclesiastes 10:10)

You only believe in the part of the Bible that you actually do. We’re supposed to be doers of the word and not hearers only. The problem today is that we are teaching too much. We’re learning more than we can do. There’s a wide gap between knowing and doing in American Christianity. It’s because we’re teaching too much.

4) Feed Yourself Daily with God’s Word

Another problem is that we’re not teaching people to be self-feeders. We’re not teaching them to study the Bible on their own.

Interpretation without application is abortion. We have huge heads but little hands and hearts and feet.

People need more than bread for their life; they must feed on every Word of God. (Matthew 4:4, NLT)

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! (Isaiah 26:3, NLT)

5) Let God Stretch Your Imagination

Nothing happens till somebody starts dreaming. What we need today are great dreamers.

Where there is no vision, the people perish. (Proverbs 29:8)

In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams. (Acts 2:17, NIV)

What is your dream for your next ten years? For your church? Your family?

Innovators see what everyone else sees but they ask questions that no one else asks.

Why do we do this? For the glory of God.

Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes. May he be given glory forever and ever through endless ages because of his master plan of salvation for the Church through Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 3:20-21, LB)

Conclusion
Some of you are naturally great thinkers. Some of you are naturally great doers. Those of you who are thinkers, you need to do more. Those of you who are doers, you need to think more. It’s not one or the other. It’s both / and.

I want us to have a covenant together. It’s a mental covenant for the mind.

Test every thought.
Helmet your head.
Imagine great things.
Nourish a godly mind.
Keep on learning.

life is like a box of chocolates

remember that famous quote from forrest gump. what a great line and so very true. you never know what you are gonna get. the funny thing about those box of chocolates is that we usually know which ones we are going to dig out first and if we don't get that one then we put it back in the box. we know what we like and what we don't like.

you never know what life is going to bring you over the long term. you never know if the choices you have made will either be wonderful, or just plain lousy. the wonderful thing about life is you get to go to sleep and start over the next day with a clearer mind about what choices you need to make. when you pray to GOD you may be saying one thing, but HE knows what is in your heart so that's usually what he is going to give you. tough choice right there; do you go with what you want to do, or what HE wants you to do? so maybe trying another piece of chocolate isn't such a bad idea sometimes.

my favorite thing about GOD is you know what you are getting up front. you know what HE expects from you no matter what, because HE's written it down for you. you know that if you try to go by HIS rules then you are doing what HE asked you to do. that is a much more reassuring and peaceful choice than what the world offers. you never really know what you're going to get from man. when the world interferes you start to kind of lose your sense of self and you start to wonder what exactly am i doing?

last week one of my sweetest friends in the world asked me to only watch, read, or listen to the news for 30 minutes a day as a christmas present to her. this is hard for me because i love politics, but i have to say that i am loving not knowing what is going on with world affairs right now. i'm not as stressed out, or constantly worried about what is going to happen. the world is something totally out of my control. politics is not in my control. GOD is in control of that, HE'LL make the necessary decisions and HE pretty much has already. so, i'm trying to give up the same old piece of chocolate i normally eat and try something new.

when you get rid of the stuff that controls you and an idol in your life then you have a sense of balance of return. it is a pretty cool feeling to know that the worries that you were hanging on to don't matter, so it is time to just move on and take one day at time.

pray for wisdom and discernment and HE will follow through. pray that HE comes first in your life, it is much easier to put everything on HIM.

"The only way you can be safe and secure is if you are in the will of God for your life. Whether you worship God or idols, that’s what you’ll serve, and that’s what will rule you. The world gives us cultural lies. The flesh gives us those carnal impulses, and the devil takes both of those and just pumps them up. That’s why we have to renew our minds with biblical thinking." nancy leigh demoss - revive our hearts . org

“The LORD is my strength and my defense[a]; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him." exodus 15:2

today is my 100th posting, thank you for taking the time to read.

today marks my 100Th blog posting. i can't believe i've written 100 of them. what a journey. i realized when i started this back in august it was during one of my attacks from my ms. bingo, the 100Th is being written under another. ms is a tricky, little disease. of course with age the disease progresses very rapidly, or it can do it over time like what it is doing with me.

i am very fortunate that i have these attacks a couple of times a year so that they only interfere with my husband and children's lives then. we do not have much more time, or luxury for it to happen more than that. as always we are incredibly blessed with friends and family that help keep it as little as a disruption as possible for the three of them. i started thinking about it this time though, and what i actually do as a wife and a mom everyday..no wonder i'm exhausted! in the last few days my husband, my mom, my dad, my step mom and a few friends have done my one woman role and what a relief that is. praise GOD for my husband right now, because he has a chest cold that has be lingering for 5 days during this, plus working.

when i went to see my doctor on tuesday, whom is a spitfire by definition and she really will lay into it to you if you are the one causing the attack. most of her patients are terrified and love her all at the same time. she knew and i knew that i had been having an attack for seven days, we just had to wait to see if it would progress into a really bad one, or if it would level off. we went over what has been going on the past couple of months from water damage, contractors, 2 deaths of cherished love ones, an unexpected heart surgery with my father, and other things. all she did was say "well i'm surprised you weren't in here earlier, this is a lot to handle for a healthy person." it was probably the calmest appointment we have had since i told her that we wanted to have a baby the first time. go figure!

for years i have been taking the iv med treatments and they have over the years with their side effects done their damage. they have also made it possible for me to care for my family. so it is a win/win scenario for me. i will do what i need to no matter what physical damage it is to me, as long as i can care for my family.

a couple of treatments ago we tried out a new way of administering the drugs and i get better a lot faster - praise GOD!. the little ones are out of school next week and the mommy hat needs to be on full force. see that is my doctor's goal and mine is to make sure i can take of my husband and my boys - that's it. we take control over the things we can control and leave the rest of up to GOD.

one of the best gifts i have gotten this year is a note from my doctor telling me that all i just need to take care of is my husband, myself and my boys for christmas and all the other stuff doesn't matter. i get to celebrate with them the birth of CHRIST and what that means to us as christians.

whenever i have an attack to me it is GOD's way of having me reflect on what i can do better on, what stresses i can get rid of, and what i should be focusing on. that is the only reason in my opinion. if i had know years ago that this was HIS way of getting me back to HIM, i don't know if i would have picked it, but it sure has given me great blesings over the years. GOD gives us things that we have no control over, because he wants you to have faith that he will handle it and it is in HIS will. HE does tell you what you need to have control over in your life by the rules that HE gives you - in black and white, there are no grey areas. that is hard to follow sometimes, but that is what your journey is with HIM. the greatest part about it is that HE accepts you with all your faults and all your gifts because that is the way HE made you. you can only do what you can do and that is all HE asks of you.

the following verse i read on a friend's facebook status and i can't for the life of me remember if i have ever read it before. it's one those verses that GOD puts out there when you need it most in your life. next to proverbs 3:4-6, it is now my 2ND favorite verse.

"answer me, o lord, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly for i am in trouble. come near me and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes." psalm 69:16-18

exodus 8 & luke 11

exodus 8 & luke 11

i started going through blog postings of an online bible study i did years ago with a group of women that were from our bible study. great stuff!

our hardened hearts -

both texts show us the true human heart, the true sin of man. in exodus moses pleads with pharaoh to allow his people to sacrifice and pray to the LORD, but the non-believer hardens his heart to GOD and defys what god wants from his people. the plagues proved the strength of the hand of god and what the consequences are of defying his word. in our society today so many are denying the word and the strength of his hand.

i ask each of you the question of whether or not disease is not a reminder to man to look to the light for all things. i ask each of you if natural disasters are not the hand of GOD reminding us to open the door for our friends and enemies whether we want to or not. i ask you if the crisis of this country is not a way for JESUS CHRIST to show us that we must blame ourselves for hardening our hearts from his word and we are now paying the consequence for those actions.

we as christians must remember that our outside appearance is a gift from god, but our hearts are the greatest gift from OUR LORD. just as JESUS said to the pharisees we are fools for we worry so much about what is on the outside that we do not repent for what is on the inside.

i love this following passage because we must fight to see the light for our salvation and for those around us that have hardened hearts.

The Light in You
33 “No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. 34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. 35 Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. 36 If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light.”

my second chance, www.mysecondchanceonline.org - second baptist church

my second chance is a new challenge given to us by our church. it is the hope that individuals will realize that with all their imperfections they will return to christ. i love this idea, because it puts out there that no one is perfect in the sight of GOD, but he wants us to return to HIM just as we are.

when you start to read more scripture you are in a constant state of awareness of what is going on around you. you begin challenging yourself in your journey to become better and better knowing that you will still fail miserably. that is one of the greatest comforts of the bible that you will never be near the perfection of GOD, so all you can do is continue to grow and learn from HIS words. the fault i have is that don't seek enough knowledge and wisdom from my church, or from the scholars that have devoted their lives to GOD. that is my new challenge to myself, that i seek wisdom so i can continue to learn.

i think at some point in every christian's journey we fall into the temptation of relying on our self and not GOD. we begin to become self-righteous and don't back up our words, or thoughts with scripture. every time we do that GOD will judge us harshly for doing that to others because that is HIS job, no one else's. when adam and eve went against GOD in the garden they chose their own way and not HIS so the consequence has been that we will know the sufferings of the world. we will always have to continually seek his knowledge to grow.

i have bashed our president to the point that i realize that he is just a man trying to be president. i should be praying for him daily and pray that he makes the right decisions for this country. i don't agree with his choices, but i would not want to be in his shoes for anything. can you imagine having millions of people watching and judging your every move? his decisions will be judged by GOD, not us. he will be held accountable for his actions and words far more harshly than what we as world could ever do to him. so maybe it's time i start praying that he seeks wisdom from GOD and not what the world thinks he should do.

after apologizing for a mistake you have committed against someonem then you have to humble yourself and seek forgiveness from GOD. that is all that you are required by GOD to do. once you do it, you have to move forward. HE will show with scripture what you need to do and how you need to continually seek HIS knowledge above all others.

the challenge that the church has given us came with a prayer at the back of the book it is as follows.

"dear GOD,

i come to you needing a second chance. i admit that i am a sinner. i believe that JESUS died for my sins. right now, i turn away from all garbage in my life. right now, i invite you, JESUS CHRIST, to come into my life. i give you all that i am and all that i'll ever be. thank you for giving me a new life and restoring me to the purpose for which i was made.

in JESUS' name,
amen"

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of GOD." romans 3:23

The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission by John Piper

1 Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

We continue in our series on marriage, and today we focus on what it means for a wife to be submissive to her husband. I am very eager that men and women, single and married, old and young (including children) hear this as a call to something strong and noble and beautiful and dignified and worthy of a woman’s highest spiritual and moral efforts.

To set the stage for that impact, notice two phrases in 1 Peter 3:1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” Notice the word own in “your own husbands.” That means that there is a uniquely fitting submission to your own husband that is not fitting in relation to other men. You are not called to submit to all men the way you do to your husband. Then notice the phrase at the beginning: “Likewise, wives.” This means that the call for a wife’s submission is part of a larger call for submission from all Christians in different ways.

First Peter 2:13-3:12
In 1 Peter 2:13-17, Peter admonishes us all to be subject, for the Lord’s sake, to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as set by him. In other words, keep the speed limits, pay your taxes, and be respectful toward policemen and senators.

Then in 2:18-25, Peter addresses the household servants (oiketai) in the church and admonishes them to be submissive to their masters with all respect, both to the kind and to the overbearing.

Then, in 3:1–6, Peter instructs the wives to be submissive to their husbands, including the husbands who are unbelieving. This is the part we are focusing on as part of our series on marriage.

Then, in verse 7, he instructs husbands to live considerately with their wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life.

Finally, in 3:8-12, Peter tells the whole church to have unity and sympathy and love and tenderheartedness and humility toward one another, and not to return evil for evil. In other words, submit to each other and serve each other. So, as we saw in Ephesians 5, submission is a wider Christian virtue for all of us to pursue, and it has its unique and fitting expressions in various relationships. Today we are focusing on the relationship of a wife to her husband. What does submission look like there?

Peter’s Powerful Portrait of Womanhood
Before I describe what submission isn’t and what it is, let’s gaze for a few minutes and the powerful portrait of womanhood that Peter paints for us in these words. What we see is deep strong roots of womanhood underneath the fruit of submission. It’s the roots that make submission the strong and beautiful thing that it is.

Start with verse 5: “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”

The Deepest Root of Womanhood: Hope in God
The deepest root of Christian womanhood mentioned in this text is hope in God. “Holy women who hoped in God.” A Christian woman does not put her hope in her husband, or in getting a husband. She does not put her hope in her looks. She puts her hope in the promises of God. She is described in Proverbs 31:25: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” She laughs at everything the future will bring and might bring, because she hopes in God.

She looks away from the troubles and miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and she focuses her attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever he pleases. She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows his promise that he will be with her and help her strengthen her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood. And Peter makes it explicit in verse 5. He is not talking about just any women. He is talking about women with unshakable biblical roots in the sovereign goodness of God—holy women who hope in God.

Fearlessness
The next thing to see about Christian womanhood after hope in God is the fearlessness that it produces in these women. So verse 5 said that the holy women of old hoped in God. And then verse 6 gives Sarah, Abraham’s wife, as an example and then refers to all other Christian women as her daughters. Verse 6b: “And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”\

So this portrait of Christian womanhood is marked first by hope in God and then what grows out of that hope, namely, fearlessness. She does not fear the future; she laughs at the future. The presence of hope in the invincible sovereignty of God drives out fear. Or to say it more carefully and realistically, the daughters of Sarah fight the anxiety that rises in their hearts. They wage war on fear, and they defeat it with hope in the promises of God.

Mature Christian women know that following Christ will mean suffering. But they believe the promises like 1 Peter 3:14, “But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled,” and 1 Peter 4:19, “Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”

That is what Christian women do: They entrust their souls to a faithful Creator. They hope in God. And they triumph over fear.

A Focus on Internal Adornment
And this leads to a third feature of Peter’s portrait of womanhood, a focus on internal adornment, rather than external. First Peter 3:5 begins, “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.” This adornment refers back to what is described in verses 3-4:

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

We know this does not mean that all jewelry and all hair styling is excluded because then all clothing would be excluded as well, because it says, “Don’t let your adorning be external . . . the clothing you wear.” What he means is: Don’t focus your main attention and effort on how you look on the outside; focus it on the beauty that is inside. Exert more effort and be more concerned with inner beauty than outer beauty.

And he is specific in verse 4. When a woman puts her hope in God and not her husband and not in her looks, and when she overcomes fear by the promises of God, this will have an effect on her heart: It will give her an inner tranquility. That’s what Peter means in verse 4 by “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

A Unique Kind of Submissiveness
That leaves one more feature of this portrait of womanhood to see. First, there was hope in God. That leads then to fearlessness in the face of whatever the future may bring. Then that leads to an inner tranquility and meekness. And, finally, that spirit expresses itself in a unique kind of submissiveness to her husband. Verse 1: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” Verse 5: “This is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”

That is a brief look at the portrait of the kind of woman Peter has in mind when he calls a woman to be submissive to her husband. Unshakable hope in God. Courage and fearlessness in the face of any future. Quiet tranquility of soul. Humble submission to her husband’s leadership.

It is a great sadness that in our modern society—even in the church—the different and complementary roles of biblical headship for the husband and biblical submission for the wife are despised or simply passed over. Some people just write them off as sub-Christian cultural leftovers from the first century. Others distort and misuse them—I actually sat in my office once with a husband who believed that submission meant his wife should not go from one room to the other in the house without asking his permission. That kind of pathological distortion makes it easier for people to dispense with texts like these in the Bible.

But the truth of headship and submission is really here and really beautiful. When you see it lived out with the mark of Christ’s majesty on it—the mutuality of servanthood without cancelling the reality of headship and submission—it is a wonderful and deeply satisfying drama. So let’s ponder from this text first what submission is not, and then what it is.

What Submission Is Not
Here are six things it is not based on 1 Peter 3:1-6.

1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says. You can see that in verse one: she is a Christian and he is not. He has one set of ideas about ultimate reality. She has another. Peter calls her to be submissive while assuming she will not submit to his view of the most important thing in the world—God. So submission can’t mean submitting to agree with all her husband thinks.

2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar. It is not the inability or the unwillingness to think for yourself. Here is a woman who heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. She thought about it. She assessed the truth claims of Jesus. She apprehended in her heart the beauty and worth of Christ and his work, and she chose him. Her husband heard it also. Otherwise, Peter probably wouldn’t say he “disobeyed the word.” He has heard the word, and he has thought about it. And he has not chosen Christ. She thought for herself and she acted. And Peter does not tell her to retreat from that commitment.

3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. The whole point of this text is to tell a wife how to “win” her husband. Verse 1 says, “Be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” If you didn’t care about the Bible you might say, “Submission has to mean taking a husband the way he is and not trying to change him.” But if you believe what the Bible says, you conclude that submission, paradoxically, is sometimes a strategy for changing him.

4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. The text clearly teaches that the wife is a follower of Jesus before and above being a follower of her husband. Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to husbands—and governments and employers and parents. When Sarah called Abraham “lord” in verse 6, it was lord with a lowercase l. It’s like “sir” or “m’lord.” And the obedience she rendered is qualified obedience because her supreme allegiance is to the Lord with a capital L.

5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband. A good husband should indeed strengthen and build up and sustain his wife. He should be a source of strength. But what this text shows is that when a husband’s spiritual leadership is lacking, a Christian wife is not bereft of strength. Submission does not mean she is dependent on him to supply her strength of faith and virtue and character. The text, in fact, assumes just the opposite. She is summoned to develop depth and strength and character not from her husband but for her husband. Verse five says that her hope is in God in the hope that her husband will join her there.

6. Finally submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear. Verse 6b says, “You are her [Sarah’s] children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” In other words, submission is free, not coerced by fear. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband—whether he is a believer or unbeliever—she does it in freedom, not out of fear.

What Submission Is
If that’s what submission is not, then what is it? I suggested a couple weeks ago from Ephesians 5 what is true here as well: Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It’s the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.”

But submission does not follow a husband into sin. What then does submission say in such a situation? It says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.”

The reason I say that submission is a disposition and an inclination to follow a husband’s lead is because there will be times in a Christian marriage when the most submissive wife, with good reason, will hesitate at a husband’s decision. It may look unwise to her. Suppose it’s Noël and I. I am about to decide something for the family that looks foolish to her. At that moment, Noël could express her submission like this: “Johnny, I know you’ve thought a lot about this, and I love it when you take the initiative to plan for us and take the responsibility like this, but I really don’t have peace about this decision and I think we need to talk about it some more. Could we? Maybe tonight sometime?”

The reason that is a kind of biblical submission is 1) because husbands, unlike Christ, are fallible and ought to admit it; 2) because husbands ought to want their wives to be excited about the family decisions, since Christ wants the church to be excited about following his decisions and not just follow begrudgingly; 3) because the way Noël expressed her misgivings communicated clearly that she endorses my leadership and affirms me in my role as head; and 4) because she has made it clear to me from the beginning of our marriage that if, when we have done all the talking we should, we still disagree, she will defer to her husband’s decision.

The Goal: Everlasting Holy Joy
So I end with the reminder that marriage is not mainly about staying in love. It’s about covenant keeping. And the main reason it is about covenant keeping is that God designed the relationship between a husband and his wife to represent the relationship between Christ and the church. This is the deepest meaning of marriage. And that is why ultimately the roles of headship and submission are so important. If our marriages are going to tell the truth about Christ and his church, we cannot be indifferent to the meaning of headship and submission. And let it not go without saying that God’s purpose for the church—and for the Christian wife who represents it—is her everlasting holy joy. Christ died for them to bring that about.

GOD gives us gifts

yesterday a friend put how she hates to do laundry. i can understand that.i started to imagine if we didn't have the washing machines that we have today. can you imagine washing your clothes by hand? maybe we wouldn't have so many clothes. my grandmother always used to tell me i had too many clothes and she was right. i'm sure that she was remembering a time when they didn't have a washing machine, among the thought that i probably had more than what i needed. i started thinking about all the marvelous things individuals have invented over the decades and it makes life sweeter.

at first i just thought i would write about the comfort items that we all love. pj's, slippers, hot chocolate, desserts, warm blankets, sweaters, books, movies; the list could go and on. then, i started thinking about the incredible inventions that changed history and the men and women that believed they could change the world.

trains, cars, boats and planes are just a marvel in themselves. we went from traveling by foot and wagons to being able to sail across the seas, take a train across the country, driving to family and friends homes, and then being able to fly a plane. the imagination of these individuals and the drive they had to produce them is incredible. in each one of us GOD puts the desire to learn and achieve through our labours. HE wants us to use our brain power and imagination to make the world a better place.

my first born child has the most incredible imagination. i love to hear the things that pop into his head everyday as he grows and realizes just what his mind can achieve. i can't imagine what he will be like in 20 years, but he could take the world by storm with his imagination. i have a great responsibility to encourage his growth and mind, so that he knows he can do anything he sets his mind to. GOD has given him that gift. GOD has given me the responsibility of raising him and sending him out into the world to make his own life.

each one us has a place in the world and a gift that has been given to us by GOD. i have friends that are artists and they make beautiful artwork to make you feel emotion. i have friends that strive to push their bodies in athletic ability. i have friends that care for the sick and by that they are giving great comfort to another.

my husband is an engineer. his mind is brilliant when it comes to his job. there is no way i could even understand half the things he is able to create. my mind doesn't work that way, but his does and he is having great success using his mind. GOD gave him that gift and he doesn't take that for granted. he chooses to keep learning and pushing himself to achieve more. too me that is one of his greatest characteristics.


as you get older you start to think about what have you done with your life and what you have achieved? all you have to do is look at what surrounds you and that is what you have achieved. my job is to raise my kids and take care of my husband that's it. that is my gift. look at all the incredible things you have in your life and bingo you've got your gifts. we don't really need more in this country and that is a pretty big gift in itself.

"moreover, when GOD gives wealth and possessions and enables him to enjoy them, to accept is lot and be happy in his work - this is a gift from GOD." eccelesiastes 5:19

www.desiringgod.org - website offered by pastor john piper

Difficult Truths & Deep Love: Pondering Sovereignty, Suffering, and the Promise of Heaven - Sermon by Randy Alcorn

All Things Work Together for Good

We will focus on one of the greatest verses in scripture, Romans 8:28. It's insensitive though to throw Romans 8:28 at a person in a way that minimizes suffering. Jesus wept over suffering and the ugliness of death. Scripture never minimizes pain and suffering as we look towards the resurrection. However, God does cause all things to work together for good for those who love him.

Some might say that verse sounds cruel to them. However, God is all sovereign and he can fulfill the promise of this verse. Once we see what this verse truly means, then we will see God as lofty and all glorious.

It's staggering, the pain that there is in this world. But the worse things are, the greater the redemptive story needs to be to make things right. The story of our redemption in Christ has a glorious ending as shown in Ephesians 2:7, "so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."

What would you know of the grace of God if sin and evil and suffering had not entered the world? What you know of God's mercy? What would you know of his patience? What would you know of his compassion? There are attributes of God that we would never have known, celebrated, and praised him for throughout all eternity had there not been great suffering in this world. We will become more like Christ, God will be more glorified for all of eternity, and we will experience greater good than we ever would have if all of the bad stuff had not happened.

Heirs with Christ

God has never retracted his original intention of righteous people to rule over the earth for all of eternity. Romans 8:16-17 says that "the Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."

We are heirs of the king and our family business is ruling. We will have a resurrected body, in a resurrected world, in a resurrected culture in the new earth. We will rule the earth to the glory of God. Daniel 7:27 gives us a picture of this coming reality: "the kingdom and the dominion and the greatness of the kingdoms under the whole heaven shall be given to the people of the saints of the Most High; their kingdom shall be an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey them."

Romans 8:16-17 talks about how we need to suffer in order to reign with him. The life of ease is a detriment to the development of people of character and Christlikeness. God does give us many good gifts, but God doesn't want the world to come to be ruled by people unless they are Christlike. We make a huge mistake of thinking that God is simply preparing a place for us, without preparing us for that place. God is preparing us to rule righteously as servant kings over the world He has for us. Suffering directly relates to ruling as God's heirs over his kingdom.

Afflictions Prepare for Glory

Every time we look at Romans 8:18, "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us," we should compare it to 2 Corinthians 4:17, "This light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." If you want to know what Paul considered light and momentary affliction, read 2 Corinthians 11: imprisonments, beatings, near death, lashes, stoned, shipwrecked, toil, hardship, sleepless nights, etc.

Jesus said in Matthew 13, "Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of the Father." This begins here and now and continues throughout eternity. Do not think that God wants you to wait until you die to become like Jesus. In this life we are to become more like Christ. It happens through suffering and it happens through adversity.

It is the Spirit of God that helps us believe the word of God is true in saying that all things work together for good. Nothing will separate us from the love of Christ because God is working all things together for our good (Ephesians 1:11 and Romans 8:28). The best is yet to come. That is the promise of God paid for by the blood of Jesus. When you're in the middle of suffering and you doubt that Jesus cares for you, picture him stretching out his scarred hands and showing you proof of his love for you.

if any of us lacks wisdom

when my husband and i step into our church each week we are seeking the wisdom of GOD's word. we are seeking the knowledge of others that know the scripture better than us. sometimes it is hard to hear the truth of GOD's words. GOD always puts it in your face when you are wrong or right, no matter how much that wounds you. HE wants you to keep learning from HIM and keep thirsting for HIM.

as you grow in your faith you try to understand what you can do and some things you just have to let GOD handle because HE knows what is best for you. GOD's rules come before man's rules, so you have to put HIS rules first no matter what. that is not easy to do. GOD uses our emotions to gage when something doesn't feel right that is why you usually need to take a step back and wait for HIS response on how to handle something. if you feel like you can't make a rational decision then seek guidance from a pastor or counselor.

this journey with HIM never ends. we will have this learning process for the rest of our lives until we go to HIM in heaven. we all will continue to make mistakes in our journey. we all will continue to learn from our mistakes. all we can do is pray that we are guided in the right direction, because the devil will play on our insecurities and make it worse if we don't go in the right direction.

my stress level is overflowing right now. for the last two months i have been tested by GOD more than i care to be tested ever again. it is all HIS way of trying to teach me to rely on HIM. HE is testing my faith in HIM. i think a lot of the stress we feel is spiritual warfare; GOD is telling you one way and the devil is telling you another way. if i can't figure out which is GOD and which is the devil then i need to seek advice from my church to help me understand which is which.

i hope that i never get to a point where i think every decision i make is right, because if i do that then i'm not learning from HIM anymore, then i'm not thirsting for HIM anymore, and i'm not relying on HIS word to guide me.

"i will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; i will counsel you and watch over you." psalm 32:8