i haven't written in so long! i had the strongest desire this morning to write. the past week has been rough in this journey physically. as i get older the reality of MS kicks in. the fear of how it will progress shakes me to my very core. this morning i was looking at my beautiful sons and thought about my first son. i thought about the conversation that took place before god had placed him in my womb. as i looked at my MRI scans, seeing the scars that the MS had caused, knowing that if I risked a pregnancy I may never walk again, and then a peace came over me. my heart was calmed and god very clearly said; i will carry you and you will be fine.
my son was born 7 weeks early 9 years ago. i remember standing in my father's kitchen on thanksgiving day crying, because my son was not there with us. i remember another thanksgiving years later; i lost my grandmother, my precious uncle, and my father had to have heart surgery to repair stints that had stopped working. this was all within a 5 week span. i remember being very sick after that thanksgiving. just last year i was recovering from major liver surgery. i should probably dread this holiday, but the meaning of this day is to remember the people that came before us.
over the last couple of years god has slowed me down with this disease. he conquered one of my biggest fears of it being seen by others. he made sure that many saw that had chosen to ignore it; including myself. i am thankful for that. i am thankful that almost 13 years ago he gave me a beautiful gift that will always bring me to him. i have recently gone through month's of not hearing him, and then last week as the MS took over I heard him; i have missed you let's talk.
this holiday has brought some of my greatest sufferings, but also such great beauty. it is a day to remember what beautiful lives so many us have, and to pray for those that so desperately need him in their lives. i think one of greatest tragedies in the world is not to have him in your soul. we fear that we will be hated for loving him, we fear that people will think that we are judging them, but please know that there so many that truly understand what it means to be a christian. remember the true christian understands that he loves us regardless of our wretched hearts. he chose us because he loves.
about a month ago i answered a question a friend had asked; if you could ask god for one thing what would it be? it wouldn't be a cure it would be to feel completely loved and cherished for just one day without doubts. this morning that pray that i voiced came true. his passion, his love, his glory, his strength, his power came pouring into my heart. i remembered that he loved me so much that he brought to my knees with this glorious illness that will always bring me back. cry out and be thankful that we are so loved by him that he was willing to give us his son forever.
http://www.openbible.info/topics/thanking_god.
