Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own, way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
This is the verse where we tend to gravitate towards the love part, and forgot the sin part. I need to remember that he is love, and that he bears all things for us - I can't do that. One of our pastors said something Wednesday that is very true; we do not understand the depth of our sin. Satan loves to hit me with my sins. He loves reminding me of how sinful I am. He loves telling me I need to take on burdens of everyone around me so they know that I love them. I am trying to do what Jesus did on the cross - take on all the sins of the ones I love without any regard to how that spiritually and physically will make me sick. I have enough of my own to deal with.
Yesterday, I went in to have a counseling session with one of our pastors and this verse came up. He read the verse and pointed out the sins that I was doing from our discussion. The Holy Spirit is working in us when we don't even realize it. I was studying this verse in the early hours of the morning before I went in. He gave me examples with my actions of how I was doing those sins. Now the hard part begins of training myself out of those habits so God will stop weeping for me. I am hurting the father that saved my heart.
I am not a patient person. I am not always so kind. I insist that I can sacrifice my heart for others, and I do it everyday. I keep saying to God just give it to me; I can handle what your son did on the cross. That is delusional. Satan is nurturing that part of me that God is punishing me for my sins with my MS. When I was diagnosed I believed he was punishing me, and I still do. I realized that for almost 12 years I still believe that, and I have dug myself in hole. I did that to myself not God. I have done it so well that I am begging him to return me to how it was 3 months ago when I was physically and emotionally trying to control it. This time around he is saying; "not this time babe."
On Wednesday I sat in my doctor's office staring at my MRI scans and the visual reality of the MS. I was staring at the little white lesion on my spinal cord that my doctor and I know wasn't there 3 years ago. I am used to seeing the ones on my brain, however I have never had one on my spinal cord. That is the one tearing me apart. We don't know if it popped up last year, the year before, or this year. I was standing outside waiting for my car in a state of shock. At that moment I heard him saying you have no control it is mine. I know he will pound me with his truth and he is doing pretty good job; the good and the bad. I don't always listen and I am stubborn.
During this session he told me what he had said to my husband; your wife loves you so much that she would take on yours sins and hers for your salvation. I think my sweet husband was in shock. I would do it for him, and my sons in heartbeat. I really do not believe that I don't deserve him for marrying me when he knew I was sick. I am in awe that God gave me my boys knowing I was sick. I can't stop myself from putting burdens on my shoulders and heart that God never asked me to do. I have no idea how I am going to get through this without God. I am scared of facing this with him, and letting go of so much.
I know that people that love me have been praying for me to break, and stop. God is so good that during this he not only has shown my sins, but has shown what he delights in. He has shown me how others love me even though I feel I don't deserve it. He has shown me how much he loves me, and he isn't going to let me go. I am not a vain person about appearance. I have no problem with just throwing on clothes and going. I very rarely wear make-up. I don't want to be seen for my appearance. I don't want to become conceited in my looks. I am very messy and that is a reflection of my heart; messy. Years ago a friend said to me "you have no idea what you look like do you?" I asked what are you talking about? She said you are so beautiful, and don't even know it. I have to admit that God did an ok job. I need to remember that he sees the beauty in my heart and the physical beauty that he created. I am not a receiver. I am a taker; I will take and take until I can take no more so I fall.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Marriage
"The Bible says that what is most important in a good marriage is love for God overruling love for self. What is really important in a good marriage is the pursuit of the needs of others rather than your own. What really matters is having a submissive heart that cares more about the other, true spiritual joy, gratitude, devotion to God and His Kingdom and His purposes and His glory, true holiness, obedience to Scripture." John MacArthur
I will give a you hint; biblical marriage is the correct way. Paul spoke a great deal about the Christian marriage. God views marriage as one of the most sacred of covenants. In Ephesians 5 Paul explains the submission of our hearts to one another. It is about sacrifice of our wants for each other the moment we become one. God killed his son. That was his sacrifice, and do we really believe that he wanted to do that? He had to do it so he didn't wipe us out for our selfishness, and unwillingness to accept his authority. If we don't sacrifice in our marriages we will never understand his love.
I remembered a yelling match between my dad and I during my tyrannical, teenage years. I wanted something, and it was causing problems between my dad and step mom. My dad looked in my eyes, and very firmly said "your step mom comes before you." When I got married my dad said "remember no one comes above your husband. If your mom, or I do you tell us to "f" off even if we are right." He said no one comes above your husband; not your parents, not your children, not your friends." My parents are very good about not involving themselves in our marriage. There have only been a few times where I have had to stop them from interfering. They were right, but they don't have that authority any longer my life. I adore my parents, and I so grateful that god made me their child.
I always learn something from my attacks. It is usually about how I am denying his authority in areas of my heart that I don't always see, or I have ignored for far too long. This attack has done it's damage physically and emotionally. One of our pastor's wives said "you are not a good receiver (she hit the nail on the head)." The interesting part is if I know that you are a true follower of Christ I can handle the rebuke, however if I suspect that you aren't I don't handle it very well. Also, I have a very hard time believing that I am loved and cherished. God loves you because he made you. We don't deserve that love, and we never will. False doctrine teaches you that you do, and you really don't. There is nothing we can do in our works that can be enough. We have to live on the faith that he does, and he will forgive when we repent. It makes me weep of how loved I am by him, and that I don't deserve it. I am in a beautiful love affair with Christ, and so very grateful for his gift.
I thought about that statement and why she was right; I have trust issues. I trust Him to love, cherish, protect and give mercy, but people not so much. At the ripe old age of 8 when my parents divorced I learned how to guard my heart and not trust. Divorce trains our children not to trust. Our selfish desire not to stand by each other in good times and bad destroys our children's hearts. The hard part will be for our children is to break that cycle - going the opposite direction. The other part is when we are indifferent to our spouses needs or wants we train our children to be selfish in their marriages. So many in the baby boomer generation got it wrong, and now look at our nation. The below verse is how God will view our children and we don't want that for our children. This verse is not just about money.
"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
The first year of marriage was the worst year. I realized in the last couple of weeks that I have held on to a great deal of resentment and anger from that first year. So many people told us to divorce, and they were Christians. We almost did. So many accused me of not loving my husband, because of actions or words. I was so very angry, and sad that I was given a disease that physically could force me not to walk. My husband was so very depressed that he had been laid off, and he could not provide for us. Because of those words and actions by others the wall came up, and my guilt of this beautiful man having to carry this burden has nearly destroyed my heart, and health. I denied the authority of God right at that moment, and my dad's words of allowing others in. I am responsible for that to God. I fear him above others, and that is the way it should be.
God pulled the rug out from under us big time beginning right before Thanksgiving. He slammed us with the reality of a disease, and he wanted us to see that we are one. I have no right to deny my husband's care for me. I have no right to do that, because he is a man. That is a man's job and responsibility to do that. God created husbands do that, and if women do not allow that you are denying God's role for you. It says a lot about our faith in how we hold each other up in the small things and the big things. It says a lot about your faith in what you allow in to one of His most sacred of gifts. The intention of others may be good, but sometimes those intentions cause massive problems or division. Those intentions could destroy a marriage. Individuals that do that need to remember He will hold you accountable to it.
It has taken me 11 years and a very bad attack to deal with this. This time around I am more willing to trust that God will give me the strength, no matter how hard it is to face. His love and mercy is already working. The Holy Spirit is cradling my husband and I. The day I was told there was a possibility that I had MS, and they would have to do one more test was one of the hardest. It was also one of the greatest days in my relationship with my husband. We clung to each other that entire day without interruption. We cried with sorrow and fear, but the love was overwhelming. We got that back after years of damaging each other, and God reminded us of that. A disease that nearly destroyed us will always bring us back together, because we are one. I have to let my husband do his role, because God made him for that. We always have to hold ourselves accountable to it. Women have a great deal of power remember that. Remember Eve.
Christian parents have a responsibility to train their daughters and sons in biblical marriage. My husband and I have a huge responsibility of training our sons to be men. Our actions in our marriage will train them in how they will be married. If we don't sacrifice for one another they won't do that in theirs. This feel good doctrine, the "me only" doctrine has destroyed this nation, and families. I hope that we have the strength to face that. We have denied his authority, and I pray that we have we are able to handle really hard times ahead. We can't ignore our problems, trials or hardships...He will push them out.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
I will give a you hint; biblical marriage is the correct way. Paul spoke a great deal about the Christian marriage. God views marriage as one of the most sacred of covenants. In Ephesians 5 Paul explains the submission of our hearts to one another. It is about sacrifice of our wants for each other the moment we become one. God killed his son. That was his sacrifice, and do we really believe that he wanted to do that? He had to do it so he didn't wipe us out for our selfishness, and unwillingness to accept his authority. If we don't sacrifice in our marriages we will never understand his love.
I remembered a yelling match between my dad and I during my tyrannical, teenage years. I wanted something, and it was causing problems between my dad and step mom. My dad looked in my eyes, and very firmly said "your step mom comes before you." When I got married my dad said "remember no one comes above your husband. If your mom, or I do you tell us to "f" off even if we are right." He said no one comes above your husband; not your parents, not your children, not your friends." My parents are very good about not involving themselves in our marriage. There have only been a few times where I have had to stop them from interfering. They were right, but they don't have that authority any longer my life. I adore my parents, and I so grateful that god made me their child.
I always learn something from my attacks. It is usually about how I am denying his authority in areas of my heart that I don't always see, or I have ignored for far too long. This attack has done it's damage physically and emotionally. One of our pastor's wives said "you are not a good receiver (she hit the nail on the head)." The interesting part is if I know that you are a true follower of Christ I can handle the rebuke, however if I suspect that you aren't I don't handle it very well. Also, I have a very hard time believing that I am loved and cherished. God loves you because he made you. We don't deserve that love, and we never will. False doctrine teaches you that you do, and you really don't. There is nothing we can do in our works that can be enough. We have to live on the faith that he does, and he will forgive when we repent. It makes me weep of how loved I am by him, and that I don't deserve it. I am in a beautiful love affair with Christ, and so very grateful for his gift.
I thought about that statement and why she was right; I have trust issues. I trust Him to love, cherish, protect and give mercy, but people not so much. At the ripe old age of 8 when my parents divorced I learned how to guard my heart and not trust. Divorce trains our children not to trust. Our selfish desire not to stand by each other in good times and bad destroys our children's hearts. The hard part will be for our children is to break that cycle - going the opposite direction. The other part is when we are indifferent to our spouses needs or wants we train our children to be selfish in their marriages. So many in the baby boomer generation got it wrong, and now look at our nation. The below verse is how God will view our children and we don't want that for our children. This verse is not just about money.
"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
The first year of marriage was the worst year. I realized in the last couple of weeks that I have held on to a great deal of resentment and anger from that first year. So many people told us to divorce, and they were Christians. We almost did. So many accused me of not loving my husband, because of actions or words. I was so very angry, and sad that I was given a disease that physically could force me not to walk. My husband was so very depressed that he had been laid off, and he could not provide for us. Because of those words and actions by others the wall came up, and my guilt of this beautiful man having to carry this burden has nearly destroyed my heart, and health. I denied the authority of God right at that moment, and my dad's words of allowing others in. I am responsible for that to God. I fear him above others, and that is the way it should be.
God pulled the rug out from under us big time beginning right before Thanksgiving. He slammed us with the reality of a disease, and he wanted us to see that we are one. I have no right to deny my husband's care for me. I have no right to do that, because he is a man. That is a man's job and responsibility to do that. God created husbands do that, and if women do not allow that you are denying God's role for you. It says a lot about our faith in how we hold each other up in the small things and the big things. It says a lot about your faith in what you allow in to one of His most sacred of gifts. The intention of others may be good, but sometimes those intentions cause massive problems or division. Those intentions could destroy a marriage. Individuals that do that need to remember He will hold you accountable to it.
It has taken me 11 years and a very bad attack to deal with this. This time around I am more willing to trust that God will give me the strength, no matter how hard it is to face. His love and mercy is already working. The Holy Spirit is cradling my husband and I. The day I was told there was a possibility that I had MS, and they would have to do one more test was one of the hardest. It was also one of the greatest days in my relationship with my husband. We clung to each other that entire day without interruption. We cried with sorrow and fear, but the love was overwhelming. We got that back after years of damaging each other, and God reminded us of that. A disease that nearly destroyed us will always bring us back together, because we are one. I have to let my husband do his role, because God made him for that. We always have to hold ourselves accountable to it. Women have a great deal of power remember that. Remember Eve.
Christian parents have a responsibility to train their daughters and sons in biblical marriage. My husband and I have a huge responsibility of training our sons to be men. Our actions in our marriage will train them in how they will be married. If we don't sacrifice for one another they won't do that in theirs. This feel good doctrine, the "me only" doctrine has destroyed this nation, and families. I hope that we have the strength to face that. We have denied his authority, and I pray that we have we are able to handle really hard times ahead. We can't ignore our problems, trials or hardships...He will push them out.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
change
"What really matters is having a submissive heart that cares more about the other, true spiritual joy, gratitude, devotion to God and His Kingdom and His purposes and His glory, true holiness, obedience to Scripture." John MacArthur
my mom gave me a card yesterday that is not normal for her; she cried and i cried. we are not a sappy, love kind of family. my parents are the type of people that actions speak louder than words type of folk. you have to earn words like that from them. they have given a lot to others over the years and they expect that from their children. actions speak much louder than words with them. they have been known to call people out to their faces, including their children, for what their true motives are, and people didn't like it so much. they have made mistakes over the years, but they have owned up to them. not many people do that.
i am not good at receiving love from others. actually, it is driving me crazy right now. god forces us out of our comfort zone for the better. it makes me uncomfortable. i don't even like hearing thank you from others. when he gave me his gift my responsibility was to become the above. his glory is the most important thing not anything else. i am learning a huge lesson about the verse "we reap what we sow." it is making me very uncomfortable, but apparently he thought i needed it. i am having a very hard time accepting it emotionally. physically i have no choice. the only reason why is because i feel like i have not done enough for him and others. i am trying to accept that i will never be able to do that. i am having to give up some things that i would like to do for him and that makes me sad. it is the difference of knowing what he wants us to do and what we want to do.
i can't plan for anything anymore. we can't plan and in a society where everything has to be planned it is a shock to the system. we literally are becoming the family that just takes it one day at a time. god is constantly changing his children. he is constantly saying change for me, and i am starting to see that people aren't so willing to really do that in this beautiful nation we live in, because it makes them uncomfortable. i am starting to see that people do not want to be removed from their comfort zones. my question is why do we care so much about what others are doing and not about the fact that god is showing is authority. do we not see that we need to repent for a whole bunch of stuff?
i wonder if people realize they are destroying their relationship with him by ignoring the fact you have to change for him. i am not saying that you will lose your salvation, however i wonder if you truly had it to begin with. the things we are saying are not sins are pretty big ones. it takes a lot of courage to face and admit that we may be wrong about what we are doing. we may be wrong in how we view god. scripture is what it is, we can't change it, and the individuals in our lives that speak his truth are the ones we need to listen to. they are telling the truth because they love you, because they were saved by him. his glory is the only thing that should be of value to us. his wants, his desires, his beauty, his love is what is the most valuable. that reflects in our lives.
i read a posting about why our children leave the church after high school; it isn't real. they can't handle the real world. they can't handle it when people tell them no, and god does not give them everything they want. they have grown up in the tradition that god is only love, but he never has wrath when we ignore his authority. they don't understand their sinful natures. they don't understand what it means to be his. our pastor said something a while ago about christians that have not be baptized (i am talking about how jesus was baptized, matthew 3:13-17, not infant baptism); they have a problem with authority. jesus showed us how to be baptized and we still argue that infant baptism is the right way. we have a problem with the way he tells how to do something. i have a problem with that.
i have never in my life felt so much love as i have the last month from him and others. i let a wall down that he needed me to let go of, but it will take time. it is much easier to live that way instead of fighting all the time. we have to start showing people what it means to be his children. out of our love for him we have to learn how to accept what we may be doing is wrong. we have to stay woundable and open to the fact that we need his salvation, his love, his grace, his mercy first in our lives.
22 to put off your old self,[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
i appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2
my mom gave me a card yesterday that is not normal for her; she cried and i cried. we are not a sappy, love kind of family. my parents are the type of people that actions speak louder than words type of folk. you have to earn words like that from them. they have given a lot to others over the years and they expect that from their children. actions speak much louder than words with them. they have been known to call people out to their faces, including their children, for what their true motives are, and people didn't like it so much. they have made mistakes over the years, but they have owned up to them. not many people do that.
i am not good at receiving love from others. actually, it is driving me crazy right now. god forces us out of our comfort zone for the better. it makes me uncomfortable. i don't even like hearing thank you from others. when he gave me his gift my responsibility was to become the above. his glory is the most important thing not anything else. i am learning a huge lesson about the verse "we reap what we sow." it is making me very uncomfortable, but apparently he thought i needed it. i am having a very hard time accepting it emotionally. physically i have no choice. the only reason why is because i feel like i have not done enough for him and others. i am trying to accept that i will never be able to do that. i am having to give up some things that i would like to do for him and that makes me sad. it is the difference of knowing what he wants us to do and what we want to do.
i can't plan for anything anymore. we can't plan and in a society where everything has to be planned it is a shock to the system. we literally are becoming the family that just takes it one day at a time. god is constantly changing his children. he is constantly saying change for me, and i am starting to see that people aren't so willing to really do that in this beautiful nation we live in, because it makes them uncomfortable. i am starting to see that people do not want to be removed from their comfort zones. my question is why do we care so much about what others are doing and not about the fact that god is showing is authority. do we not see that we need to repent for a whole bunch of stuff?
i wonder if people realize they are destroying their relationship with him by ignoring the fact you have to change for him. i am not saying that you will lose your salvation, however i wonder if you truly had it to begin with. the things we are saying are not sins are pretty big ones. it takes a lot of courage to face and admit that we may be wrong about what we are doing. we may be wrong in how we view god. scripture is what it is, we can't change it, and the individuals in our lives that speak his truth are the ones we need to listen to. they are telling the truth because they love you, because they were saved by him. his glory is the only thing that should be of value to us. his wants, his desires, his beauty, his love is what is the most valuable. that reflects in our lives.
i read a posting about why our children leave the church after high school; it isn't real. they can't handle the real world. they can't handle it when people tell them no, and god does not give them everything they want. they have grown up in the tradition that god is only love, but he never has wrath when we ignore his authority. they don't understand their sinful natures. they don't understand what it means to be his. our pastor said something a while ago about christians that have not be baptized (i am talking about how jesus was baptized, matthew 3:13-17, not infant baptism); they have a problem with authority. jesus showed us how to be baptized and we still argue that infant baptism is the right way. we have a problem with the way he tells how to do something. i have a problem with that.
i have never in my life felt so much love as i have the last month from him and others. i let a wall down that he needed me to let go of, but it will take time. it is much easier to live that way instead of fighting all the time. we have to start showing people what it means to be his children. out of our love for him we have to learn how to accept what we may be doing is wrong. we have to stay woundable and open to the fact that we need his salvation, his love, his grace, his mercy first in our lives.
22 to put off your old self,[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24
i appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2
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