My father and I have had a very rough relationship. We also have a very close relationship. We have never been shy about telling each other the truth about how we feel about something. The problem is that we have caused each other a lot of damage over the years. We both have terrible tempers, and get angry quickly. During an argument in my late teens he said "you know you do need a little Jesus in your life." That really made mad.
I think about how the name God and Jesus can bring such anger out in people. Now that I have actually read scripture, and what God is saying to us it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't know how you use God in a conversation when you don't even know the scripture. The first thought and response if another hears the name is; I don't want to be judged. Well, neither do I. I don't like being called out on the stupid stuff I’ve done. Who likes that? I have tons of issues that I am still working on.
The scriptures that everyone seems to know are; do not judge and wives submit to your husbands. They seem to know these two perfectly without ever actually for themselves. I really wish people would actually read the entire chapter of those verses. It would save a lot of turmoil. It would have even stopped the entire feminist movement, and let men be men. We not supposed another without looking at ourselves first in the mirror. Wives are to submit to their husbands, but husbands are to love their wives as they do Christ. I miss real men. Tough men that are willing to stand up, and are not weepy fools. It’s that old saying that women date the bad guys, but not the good guys. That’s not true always. They just want a man rough around the edges, a loving heart, and a man willing to stand up for them. My husband is that type of man.
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 5:1-7
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for he" Ephesians 5:21-23
It is funny how that works now in our marriage. Years ago I wasn't as willing to have him tell me no, and I thought if I did I would be a doormat. I still on occasion I am not so great at it. He laid down the law this week on two things that I have to do. When he is done he's done. Five or 10 years ago I never would have listened to him. How disrespectful to him and his wishes. We are still learning what is OK with each other.
I have four individuals that I have know for years ask I why I started this journey. I remember them asking and what they said. I needed peace, but I didn't know that then. The main reason is because I was pissed at God for giving me MS. I just knew I was punished for my sins. I knew that he was so angry with me for all the crap I had done that He was going to give me hell on earth for the rest of my life. That’s not why He did it at all. My MS has been the greatest gift next to my husband and children that he has ever given me. He gave me something that pushed me to him. He pushed me to look in the mirror, and He still does it everyday.
I have a friend that I’ve known since high school. I dated her brother on and off for years. She called me one night and asked if I wanted to go to a bible study with her. I said yes. I can remember my phone call to her after finding out there was a possibility that I had MS, and she was in shock just like everyone else. I can remember a conversation with her later when I told her God was punishing me for my sins. I remember her saying "no he's not, he doesn't do that."
Last week I made the decision not to post this on facebook any longer. Something happened that was pretty extraordinary. I got emails and phone calls asking me why? My response was it's become too offensive to people. Their response was; "well, they don't have to read it." "We may not comment on it, but it makes us think about stuff." They said "we like that your transparent about your journey and thatyou struggle just as much as we do." Thank you to those that did that, because I let my fear overcome me. I was scared, and I have never really been too scared to post the writings. I have never really been scared to talk about why I believe something. He gives great courage, strength, peace and wisdom when you ask for it.
I will post it, just not as much. I write when I feel led to write. Sometimes I write all the time, and sometimes I don't. I can limit my posts, but I don't have to change my passion for what I believe. I am in this journey with others, and that is all he wants. He wants us to share our lives, because we are one body in Christ. We all have different ways of doing it. I don't verbally have conversations about God with people unless they ask me, or I am comfortable talking about it with them. No one has to read these postings, and I don't want you to unless you want to.
Every word in scripture that we don't like hearing about ourselves is because He loves us deeply. That is all he is trying to tell us. He would not have made you the person you are if he did not love you. He would not have made me this way if he didn't want me to be this way. He just wants us to recognize what we are capable of; the good and the bad.
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