today marks my 100Th blog posting. i can't believe i've written 100 of them. what a journey. i realized when i started this back in august it was during one of my attacks from my ms. bingo, the 100Th is being written under another. ms is a tricky, little disease. of course with age the disease progresses very rapidly, or it can do it over time like what it is doing with me.
i am very fortunate that i have these attacks a couple of times a year so that they only interfere with my husband and children's lives then. we do not have much more time, or luxury for it to happen more than that. as always we are incredibly blessed with friends and family that help keep it as little as a disruption as possible for the three of them. i started thinking about it this time though, and what i actually do as a wife and a mom everyday..no wonder i'm exhausted! in the last few days my husband, my mom, my dad, my step mom and a few friends have done my one woman role and what a relief that is. praise GOD for my husband right now, because he has a chest cold that has be lingering for 5 days during this, plus working.
when i went to see my doctor on tuesday, whom is a spitfire by definition and she really will lay into it to you if you are the one causing the attack. most of her patients are terrified and love her all at the same time. she knew and i knew that i had been having an attack for seven days, we just had to wait to see if it would progress into a really bad one, or if it would level off. we went over what has been going on the past couple of months from water damage, contractors, 2 deaths of cherished love ones, an unexpected heart surgery with my father, and other things. all she did was say "well i'm surprised you weren't in here earlier, this is a lot to handle for a healthy person." it was probably the calmest appointment we have had since i told her that we wanted to have a baby the first time. go figure!
for years i have been taking the iv med treatments and they have over the years with their side effects done their damage. they have also made it possible for me to care for my family. so it is a win/win scenario for me. i will do what i need to no matter what physical damage it is to me, as long as i can care for my family.
a couple of treatments ago we tried out a new way of administering the drugs and i get better a lot faster - praise GOD!. the little ones are out of school next week and the mommy hat needs to be on full force. see that is my doctor's goal and mine is to make sure i can take of my husband and my boys - that's it. we take control over the things we can control and leave the rest of up to GOD.
one of the best gifts i have gotten this year is a note from my doctor telling me that all i just need to take care of is my husband, myself and my boys for christmas and all the other stuff doesn't matter. i get to celebrate with them the birth of CHRIST and what that means to us as christians.
whenever i have an attack to me it is GOD's way of having me reflect on what i can do better on, what stresses i can get rid of, and what i should be focusing on. that is the only reason in my opinion. if i had know years ago that this was HIS way of getting me back to HIM, i don't know if i would have picked it, but it sure has given me great blesings over the years. GOD gives us things that we have no control over, because he wants you to have faith that he will handle it and it is in HIS will. HE does tell you what you need to have control over in your life by the rules that HE gives you - in black and white, there are no grey areas. that is hard to follow sometimes, but that is what your journey is with HIM. the greatest part about it is that HE accepts you with all your faults and all your gifts because that is the way HE made you. you can only do what you can do and that is all HE asks of you.
the following verse i read on a friend's facebook status and i can't for the life of me remember if i have ever read it before. it's one those verses that GOD puts out there when you need it most in your life. next to proverbs 3:4-6, it is now my 2ND favorite verse.
"answer me, o lord, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me. do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly for i am in trouble. come near me and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes." psalm 69:16-18
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