MS

every night i walk to the refrigerator and i pull out my shot. every morning i take meds that are supposed to help with the journey of MS. when i was first diagnosed and they gave the different options of how to treat this disease i was pissed. i thought at that moment of all the things GOD could give me it had to be treated with a shot. at least it wasn't a snake.

i love and hate this disease. i don't want to think of what it could do to me in later years. it scares me. the fear and pain of what my boys will have to deal with makes me sick sometimes. i don't for a minute regret their lives, because it will make them better men. their father is their example. the compassion that will be fed into their hearts will be glorious in our eyes and GOD.

i never wanted this for my husband. what a burden he has to face. he has to have the responsibility of raising children, but also the responsibility of caring for a wife with a chronic illness. he handles it with grace and dignity. he handles it with integrity and such strength. i could forgive him for anything, because he is a true man of GOD. my sons will be raised by this man and it makes my heart happy.

these past couple of months i have been dreading the day that is only a week a way now. i will be blessed to spend time with beautiful friends and family, but then i will have to lay my beloved uncle's ashes to rest. i remember the day i told him that i was sick and his words. i remember that he told me to fight and to live fully no matter what. in the all the years we had been together he said i love you when i told him, then he hung up the phone.

there will always be individuals that you will cherish, that you will learn from and love so very much. i have had the great fortune to love far more than hate. i have had the great fortune to be loved and cherished. these are the things that life is about - not the other. always tell the people you love how much you love them. don't let a moment slip by that you will regret later.

HE gave me this disease so i could be reminded everyday that i must love and feel compassion. HE gave it to me so i could forgive and move forward. the older i get the more emotion i show. i don't want to hide that. i will not hide my beliefs even if it offends. i will not hide my love or support for another just because the world doesn't agree. we are all in this together. HE made us that way. remember, we all face a battle it's just how we choose to live with that. we must move forward. we must remember that we are because HIM.