my apologies

We have been attending a new church. What we have been praying for so long has finally been found, and it is a huge blessing for both us. We don’t feel blinded by religion any longer. We had begun to worship the church and not him. These rules that we had begun to set up weren’t correct in our love of Christ. He pushed us to leave our comfort zone, and it has not been an easy journey for us lately. The ending result has made us stronger in him.


There are two pieces of scripture that I have really thought god made a mistake when he put it there. Well, that has not worked out well for me. I never asked anybody the correct interpretation of those scriptures until today. I wasted a great deal of time struggling with this when I should have done it years ago. I got the answer today and I finally get what he has been trying to show me. I had ignored advice from individuals about this for years. I was beginning to believe that God was wrong when he put it in scripture.

For years I was scared to write, and this has been a desire that I had suppressed for a very a long time, because I did not believe I could. Well I can. I am terrible at proofreading. I am not an editor. The thing is, is I really don’t care. When I write I am releasing the burdens or struggles that I am facing in this journey. I have become too self-righteous in my journey with him. Be careful for what we pray for, or wish because he will usually show us that we are doing exactly that. I wasn’t living it, just preaching it. I have not practiced the taming of the tongue like I should.

I am not good with balance. I never have been and I struggle with this everyday. I allow too many things to interfere in my life that just does not need be there. I am making it to hard to live. Instead of just doing it or being led by the spirit I question his authority. When I read ‘slave, by John MacArthur” it changed everything and every view I had. From that moment on I began looking in the mirror and I was not impressed with my understanding of scripture. I wasn’t living it. I was so scared of defending him that I ended up him denying him. I was giving more than what I wanted because I thought that was the definition of being a Christian.

I apologize to you. I have had to check the motive behind the beliefs. I had to wake up. Religion was becoming my idol. I wanted to change people’s hearts, but I was doing it for the wrong reason. I wanted them to conform to what I thought was right, and not God. Guess what that is what this country has become. We are fighting for our individuality, and not to be told how to live. We are fighting the belief system of what we think god would want us to do, and not really doing it. We are blind, and not seeing things for what they are.

My goals are to be a good wife, and mother. My goal is to be a good friend to another. My goal is to put him above everyone and everything. I prayed to be more like Paul a couple of months ago, and really there I days why I wish I had not done that. I want to take it back. He is rough, and was also a true follower of Christ. He did exactly what God told him to do without any regard to what he was losing by doing it. What he gained was Christ. When stand up for his laws we will lose people in our lives. Guess what he wants it that way. He wants us to defend him and he wants us to remove the guilt, or shame for it.

If we truly sit back, be silent, and watch it will hit you like a ton of bricks. I wasn’t being true to myself, because others couldn‘t handle that. I had lost my way. I was seeking the world and not him. I wanted it to be my way. I lost a huge lesson that I learned years ago. I was becoming the label of a Christian without being a Christian.

Guard your hearts from the world and what others think we should be. It is not worth losing him over.

“Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me” psalm 41:9

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” proverbs 13:20