Suffering

This is attack is different I have come to realize. The MS was asleep and now it is awake. I asked myself the question would I give up this disease if there was a cure; I don't know. The reason I say that is in my strength and arrogance I would turn to myself more and not him. I would miss the thirst for him. I would miss the reality of knowing him, learning about him, and suffering for him. I would miss that. We are to rejoice in our sufferings just as much as we rejoice in our blessings. This gift was given not to help others, but to heal my heart. It was given so I would become his.

So many people ask why a God of love would allow suffering. Many say my God is a God of love and he doesn't want me to suffer. For those that ask, or believe that God does not allow suffering should read Matthew chapter 27, Mark chapter 15, Luke Chapter 23, and John chapter 19. Jesus was mocked, tortured and killed how could we not suffer?

^"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted," 2 Timothy 3:12

He suffered so we suffer. He weeped so we weep. He had pain so we have pain. Every christian that follows him will suffer, but we have hope in eternal heaven with him. We should pray for individuals to have discernment. We should pray for them to see the light and to stop hating God for his authority. God's authority is not mocked.

I can never earn a gift that was given so freely that I did not deserve (that is the problem so many of us think we deserve it.) I can never be perfect for him, but I can learn to become like him in all things. I can learn love, mercy, compassion, empathy, forgiveness and grace. He gave me that so I am to give that. This is where the testing of the spirits come in. Are we doing it for his glory, or for the appearance? Are we doing it so others will think we are good, or for him alone. Are we willing to sacrifice as he did? Are we willing to the let the wall fall so we understand his suffering?

I am a fierce mother that God is asking me if I am willing to let them see me suffer? Their births were a miracle in my life. These boys are dependent on me a little too much. We don't want our children to feel pain or feel sadness, but they will. They will be scared in their lives and we can't shield them from that. We can only tell them that God will protect them, and show them that. The super mom in myself is being tested. Am I willing to suffer in my gift, and let them see or will they be blindsided in life later? We train our children to either face their realities head on or we shelter them too much from those realities. What are we truly willing to do for our children is the question.

We are a nation in great crisis. My parent's generation trained their daughters to end innocence just because they believe it is their right; abortion. My parent's generation trained their children to end marriages when it got too tough and they weren't willing to sacrifice themselves for each other; divorce. We are a people that believe we are owed without sacrifice. We are a people that believe our feelings should never be hurt. We are people that believe God would not turn his back on us. We have a choice to either face our realities, our pain, our fears, our weaknesses, or we live in a fairy tale that doesn't exist. Are we willing to suffer as he suffered for others. Are we willing to show that? These are the questions that his children should ask therselves in their journey.

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

The biggest lessons I am learning is to trust others without questioning their motives. Is to be loved as I love others. To be cherished as I cherish others. To be accepted as I accept others. To admit I don't know what else he has planned for us, but to trust that whatever comes is for his glory. That I  must relent, and repent for my failings to him in all things that gives him pain. I have no choice, because I took is gift of grace and salvation.

When I was diagnosed I became the clay and he was my potter. He knew I would never accept his authority over my life without breaking me. He knew I was stubborn enough to ignore him and never admit my failings. He knew that I would rely on my own understanding and not his. He knew I would fail without accepting his laws for life. So I guess I wouldn't give it up, because knowing my heart I may give up him.

"And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34