A Love Story

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV)


On Sunday our pastor asked the question “Where are you in your relationship with God?” At our community group that evening we asked the same question and we all came up with an answer. I said one thing, but I started thinking am I really there? I have no idea if I am. The week before he made the statement “subject everything in your life to scripture.” I thought do I do that? I don’t know if I do or not. Do I get up everyday and really see what is around me. Probably not. One thing I know for certain that I worry too much about the state of this country and don’t enjoy my life. I have been blessed and I need to cherish that more.

Have you ever just turned off the computer, the TV, radio, or your phone and just sat in silence? It is wonderful when you do it. Just to be able to disconnect and think. Our bible study teacher just got back from a mission trip in India. The poverty is so extreme and they could barely describe it. All they said was we have nothing to compare it to in this country. Then they said the joy and peace these individuals have is incredible. Such joy in God. The simplicity of it.

My husband and I didn’t talk much on the way home. The only thing we really said was we have so much and we argue about who spends more when these people have nothing. Our selfishness was a little overwhelming, and I think we were both ashamed of it. It puts things in perspective about our lives. We complain about everything that we want or don‘t have in this country; including myself. It makes me sick to my stomach.

There are 40 orphaned children that live together that are being protected and loved by their pastor named Beek and his wife. Their parents were killed for being Christians. We can’t even imagine that in our journey. I know I can’t because everyday I take for granted that I live in country that is still allowed to profess Christ.

I wish I had just an ounce of faith that these people have. Just an ounce of that joy. They know that he loves them, will provide for them, and protect them because they give their hearts completely to him. Just that simple faith of knowing that nothing else is going to matter except how we love him. When you start to remove people, things, or just the busyness it becomes simpler to just love him. All of it starts to fall away and you begin to find peace. Such peace about everything in your life. There are no more excuses for why we don’t take care of something when he has laid it on our hearts to remove it. The drama of the world becomes meaningless.

Our ideas of what it means to be a Christian just seems silly compared to what I heard on Sunday. I have made horrendous errors in my walk for the past 10 years with Him. What I was taught wasn’t what he wanted from me. The appearance of being a Christian in so many of our churches is false. I worried so much about what it meant to be one without being one. This story hit home in the sense that none of the stuff that people say you should do in your walk even matters. What matters is what is in our hearts when it comes to him. Are we willing to really put him above everything and let his love fill us up? Are we willing to sacrifice everything in our lives for him? These children lost their parents for him literally. I would be ashamed to bring them into my home and tell them my complaints when some of them don’t even have pants.

For the last couple of months something has been laid on my heart to do. Well, I have been hesitant because of the concerns of what others might think about whether I should, or not. I told my husband this on Sunday and he said why? There is no reason why you can’t do it. He is right and it doesn’t matter. People have been judging me for years about what I should do, how I should act, what I should look like, what is up with my kids, etc and guess what it doesn’t matter anymore. Worry about your own heart and quit telling others how to live.

What is beautiful about what is happening right now in this country is he is stripping away everything that we have replaced him with. He is testing our love and faith in him. A lot of us won't have the strength to let it all go and let him love us completely. That is the simple truth of it. Just let it go. Just let him fill you up. There is no problem or trial we can’t overcome when it comes to him. Be who he created you to be because he loves you so very much without judgment, without fault, without what you look like, where you live, what car you drive, or all that other stuff that has consumed our lives. Who are we without all the stuff? What is really in our hearts?

I bought a prescription yesterday that could feed one child there for over a month; just one. What I spend on my co-pays a month for this damn MS I could feed 7 children for over a month. My doctor would kill me, but you know what we would give them those co-pays and more just so they could eat. I have no right, or anyone else in this country to complain about anything. We have the power and the strength to overcome this. Just have a little faith and let him take care of us.