change

"What really matters is having a submissive heart that cares more about the other, true spiritual joy, gratitude, devotion to God and His Kingdom and His purposes and His glory, true holiness, obedience to Scripture." John MacArthur

my mom gave me a card yesterday that is not normal for her; she cried and i cried. we are not a sappy, love kind of family. my parents are the type of people that actions speak louder than words type of folk. you have to earn words like that from them. they have given a lot to others over the years and they expect that from their children. actions speak much louder than words with them. they have been known to call people out to their faces, including their children, for what their true motives are, and people didn't like it so much. they have made mistakes over the years, but they have owned up to them. not many people do that.

i am not good at receiving love from others. actually, it is driving me crazy right now. god forces us out of our comfort zone for the better. it makes me uncomfortable. i don't even like hearing thank you from others. when he gave me his gift my responsibility was to become the above. his glory is the most important thing not anything else. i am learning a huge lesson about the verse "we reap what we sow." it is making me very uncomfortable, but apparently he thought i needed it. i am having a very hard time accepting it emotionally. physically i have no choice. the only reason why is because i feel like i have not done enough for him and others. i am trying to accept that i will never be able to do that. i am having to give up some things that i would like to do for him and that makes me sad. it is the difference of knowing what he wants us to do and what we want to do.

i can't plan for anything anymore. we can't plan and in a society where everything has to be planned it is a shock to the system. we literally are becoming the family that just takes it one day at a time. god is constantly changing his children. he is constantly saying change for me, and i am starting to see that people aren't so willing to really do that in this beautiful nation we live in, because it makes them uncomfortable. i am starting to see that people do not want to be removed from their comfort zones. my question is why do we care so much about what others are doing and not about the fact that god is showing is authority. do we not see that we need to repent for a whole bunch of stuff?

i wonder if people realize they are destroying their relationship with him by ignoring the fact you have to change for him. i am not saying that you will lose your salvation, however i wonder if you truly had it to begin with. the things we are saying are not sins are pretty big ones. it takes a lot of courage to face and admit that we may be wrong about what we are doing. we may be wrong in how we view god. scripture is what it is, we can't change it, and the individuals in our lives that speak his truth are the ones we need to listen to. they are telling the truth because they love you, because they were saved by him. his glory is the only thing that should be of value to us. his wants, his desires, his beauty, his love is what is the most valuable. that reflects in our lives.

i read a posting about why our children leave the church after high school; it isn't real. they can't handle the real world. they can't handle it when people tell them no, and god does not give them everything they want. they have grown up in the tradition that god is only love, but he never has wrath when we ignore his authority. they don't understand their sinful natures. they don't understand what it means to be his. our pastor said something a while ago about christians that have not be baptized (i am talking about how jesus was baptized, matthew 3:13-17, not infant baptism); they have a problem with authority. jesus showed us how to be baptized and we still argue that infant baptism is the right way. we have a problem with the way he tells how to do something. i have a problem with that.

i have never in my life felt so much love as i have the last month from him and others. i let a wall down that he needed me to let go of, but it will take time. it is much easier to live that way instead of fighting all the time. we have to start showing people what it means to be his children. out of our love for him we have to learn how to accept what we may be doing is wrong. we have to stay woundable and open to the fact that we need his salvation, his love, his grace, his mercy first in our lives.

²² to put off your old self,^[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

i appeal to you therefore, brothers,^[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.^{[b] 2} Do not be conformed to this world,^[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2