Marriage

"The Bible says that what is most important in a good marriage is love for God overruling love for self. What is really important in a good marriage is the pursuit of the needs of others rather than your own. What really matters is having a submissive heart that cares more about the other, true spiritual joy, gratitude, devotion to God and His Kingdom and His purposes and His glory, true holiness, obedience to Scripture." John MacArthur

I will give a you hint; biblical marriage is the correct way. Paul spoke a great deal about the Christian marriage. God views marriage as one of the most sacred of covenants. In Ephesians 5 Paul explains the submission of our hearts to one another. It is about sacrifice of our wants for each other the moment we become one. God killed his son. That was his sacrifice, and do we really believe that he wanted to do that? He had to do it so he didn't wipe us out for our selfishness, and unwillingness to accept his authority. If we don't sacrifice in our marriages we will never understand his love.

I remembered a yelling match between my dad and I during my tyrannical, teenage years. I wanted something, and it was causing problems between my dad and step mom. My dad looked in my eyes, and very firmly said "your step mom comes before you." When I got married my dad said "remember no one comes above your husband. If your mom, or I do you tell us to "f" off even if we are right." He said no one comes above your husband; not your parents, not your children, not your friends." My parents are very good about not involving themselves in our marriage. There have only been a few times where I have had to stop them from interfering. They were right, but they don't have that authority any longer my life. I adore my parents, and I so grateful that god made me their child.

I always learn something from my attacks. It is usually about how I am denying his authority in areas of my heart that I don't always see, or I have ignored for far too long. This attack has done it's damage physically and emotionally. One of our pastor's wives said "you are not a good receiver (she hit the nail on the head)." The interesting part is if I know that you are a true follower of Christ I can handle the rebuke, however if I suspect that you aren't I don't handle it very well. Also, I have a very hard time believing that I am loved and cherished. God loves you because he made you. We don't deserve that love, and we never will. False doctrine teaches you that you do, and you really don't. There is nothing we can do in our works that can be enough. We have to live on the faith that he does, and he will forgive when we repent. It makes me weep of how loved I am by him, and that I don't deserve it. I am in a beautiful love affair with Christ, and so very grateful for his gift.

I thought about that statement and why she was right; I have trust issues. I trust Him to love, cherish, protect and give mercy, but people not so much. At the ripe old age of 8 when my parents divorced I learned how to guard my heart and not trust. Divorce trains our children not to trust. Our selfish desire not to stand by each other in good times and bad destroys our children's hearts. The hard part will be for our children is to break that cycle - going the opposite direction. The other part is when we are indifferent to our spouses needs or wants we train our children to be selfish in their marriages. So many in the baby boomer generation got it wrong, and now look at our nation. The below verse is how God will view our children and we don't want that for our children. This verse is not just about money.

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

The first year of marriage was the worst year. I realized in the last couple of weeks that I have held on to a great deal of resentment and anger from that first year. So many people told us to divorce, and they were Christians. We almost did. So many accused me of not loving my husband, because of actions or words. I was so very angry, and sad that I was given a disease that physically could force me not to walk. My husband was so very depressed that he had been laid off, and he could not provide for us. Because of those words and actions by others the wall came up, and my guilt of this beautiful man having to carry this burden has nearly destroyed my heart, and health. I denied the authority of God right at that moment, and my dad's words of allowing others in. I am responsible for that to God. I fear him above others, and that is the way it should be.

God pulled the rug out from under us big time beginning right before Thanksgiving. He slammed us with the reality of a disease, and he wanted us to see that we are one. I have no right to deny my husband's care for me. I have no right to do that, because he is a man. That is a man's job and responsibility to do that. God created husbands do that, and if women do not allow that you are denying God's role for you. It says a lot about our faith in how we hold each other up in the small things and the big things. It says a lot about your faith in what you allow in to one of His most sacred of gifts. The intention of others may be good, but sometimes those intentions cause massive problems or division. Those intentions could destroy a marriage. Individuals that do that need to remember He will hold you accountable to it.

It has taken me 11 years and a very bad attack to deal with this. This time around I am more willing to trust that God will give me the strength, no matter how hard it is to face. His love and mercy is already working. The Holy Spirit is cradling my husband and I. The day I was told there was a possibility that I had MS, and they would have to do one more test was one of the hardest. It was also one of the greatest days in my relationship with my husband. We clung to each other that entire day without interruption. We cried with sorrow and fear, but the love was overwhelming. We got that back after years of damaging each other, and God reminded us of that. A disease that nearly destroyed us will always bring us back together, because we are one. I have to let my husband do his role, because God made him for that. We always have to hold ourselves accountable to it. Women have a great deal of power remember that. Remember Eve.

Christian parents have a responsibility to train their daughters and sons in biblical marriage. My husband and I have a huge responsibility of training our sons to be men. Our actions in our marriage will train them in how they will be married. If we don't sacrifice for one another they won't do that in theirs. This feel good doctrine, the "me only" doctrine has destroyed this nation, and families. I hope that we have the strength to face that. We have denied his authority, and I pray that we have we are able to handle really hard times ahead. We can't ignore our problems, trials or hardships...He will push them out.

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33