when i was first diagnosed with ms i realized over the next couple of months that there were those that would never be able to see me physically suffer. the effects that come with ms are terrifying to me and others. those that love me are having to witness that and to be honest, some of them will never be able to do that. the other scenario is that i sometimes really don't want people to see me that way.
fear becomes overpowering when someone you love is suffering. some of us cannot handle watching another's body be destroyed by illness. my grandmother was in a great deal of pain towards the end of her life and in some cases it was almost unbearable for me to witness. my uncle's mind was gone and his physical body was declining with it. the fear of seeing them both that way was awful.
sometimes i just couldn't handle seeing them. it was just too much for me emotionally. is it wrong to have those feelings; no. i hated seeing them suffer, but i knew that i would regret not seeing them. five or ten minutes of my life compared to what they had given me was nothing.
i have friends that to this day have never seen me during an attack with my ms. does it make me angry; no, it makes me sad. i understand it because i am sick and have witnessed those i love go through illness. we have to overcome our own selfish fear, because those you love and love you back need you to see them. those five minutes could be a lifetime memory for those that are ill.
not seeing someone you care about because of your own fear, or selfishness is wrong. there is no justification for it. the individual may understand why your not doing it, but put yourselves in their shoes. when you let the world come in and make excuses for your actions then you will regret that. you are never too busy to see someone you care about.
i failed many times by not seeing my grandmother enough in her final days. i failed by not traveling to ohio from texas more to see my uncle because of being too busy, or letting my own trials interfere. this is what i will regret most in their passing.
it will never be easy to see those that we care for or love ill, but you will never get chance back until you see them again in heaven. your faith will guide you, CHRIST will guide you; that's all we can ask for.
"peace I leave with you; MY peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." john 14:27
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