one of my biggest faults is that i react without thinking. i respond in defense to protect myself and bring up others faults without facing my own. days later i feel a great amount of guilt for what i've said, or done instead of stating what the real problem is. i don't say what made me angry at that moment, i bring up the past hurts that have never been resolved.
when you don't resolve a problem to begin with it festers. it becomes something larger than what the initial problem was. there is nothing wrong with telling others how they have you hurt, it's just how you do it. i read a great deal of scripture about how to live, but applying it isn't the easiest of tasks. see life starts to take over and you forget what you've learned so you rely on yourself and not GOD.
for the past 9 years i have had extreme guilt for having ms and that my husband will have to care of me. what has happened though is because of that guilt i have let my heart be damaged. see i have allowed things that upset me to be put aside, because my husband has the burden of caring for me. i am willing to give up my heart for him, no matter what the cost is to me and that is very wrong.
so now because of not facing our problems i resent him for not protecting me. i have done things out of anger that have shown him disrespect and he has ignored things that were important to me be put aside, because he didn't think they were important. now i feel he doesn't love me and he feels like i don't respect him. this is why marriages fail, so if you have this going on get help. save it, remember why you love each other. reach out to GOD, someone you trust and pray.
following GOD'S rules for marriage must be practiced at all times, you really have no choice in that matter. HE knows that you will fail, but if you don't return to HIS rules for marriage then you have failed HIM and you are disobeying HIM. we have had to admit our failings to each other as couple. we have had to face what may not be important to ourselves, but what is important to the other person. it's all about the compromise. it's all the communication and following through with it.
a woman has great power in her home; she can either destroy it, or build it up (proverbs 14:1). a husband has a great responsibility to protect and honour his home. my husband and i will get through this, because we have faced challenges that we thought we would never recover from. with GOD as the head of our home then we have no choice but to succeed. we both are very good people, so we will make it because we always do.
i may have been too transparent today in this posting, but there is no way we can learn from our mistakes without learning from each other. the ironic scenario from all this is that for the past eight weeks my husband and i have been facilitating and leading a bible study called love and respect. GOD works in mysterious ways and when HE opens your eyes and heart then you need to listen and follow through no matter how hard it is.
"each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." proverbs 14:1
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