blind faith

"now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." hebrews 11:1

i've been writing about my journey with ms, or sharing that i have ms, but some of you may not even know what it is. i put the definition and what happens in the course of the disease so that you could know. i believe in my heart that GOD gave me this because i needed to understand what life is all about. ms is a disease where you have to have blind faith that you will always overcome the obstacles that are put before you.

everyday i get up and say a simple prayer; lord please give me the strength to make it through the day. having small children makes huge demands on you physically, with ms it makes it all the harder. what my mind wants me to do and what my body is telling me i can do is usually two different battles. my children and husband make me want to get up everyday.

depression in ms is pretty common, because you are always are a little sad that your body doesn't allow you to always do the things you want it to. when stress from life's journey becomes involved you get the added pressure to overcome your physical limitations. over the past weeks i have a lost a cherished loved one, and learned that another is declining rapidly in their health. one was by far one of the strongest woman i knew in my life. the other is a man that has meant a great deal to me over the years. both would want me to fight always.

chronic illness can either break you or make you. when you don't feel good in general it is hard to stay positive and active everyday. some days you just want to stay in bed and let life unfold around you, but what kind of life is that? i had someone tell me once if you aren't going to do it for yourself, then choose something that is bigger than you. i choose GOD and my family.

i have been told that i don't share when i am feeling bad, and that is true. you hate to have someone worry, or feel fear. you hate to have friends and family feel sorry for you. i don't want individuals to feel any of those emotions, so i don't share what is going on with me. to be quite honest with you i feel lousy everyday - all day, but i have to move forward. i often wonder how people look at me and what they are thinking.

there is no way that i could make this journey without GOD. there is no way that i could make this journey without my husband. there is no way that i could make this journey without my family. there is no way that i could make this journey without my friends. i should however maybe make them more aware of what i can and cannot do. i loathe the idea of using illness as a reason why i can't do something; i need to give myself a break.

i worry most about how this will affect my children in the years to come, but i hope that they will know what compassion is. i hope that they are witnessing strength not just from me, but also their father. i hope that they will rely on GOD in their journey and know that believing in HIM conquers all. if you are ill pick yourself up in your spirit and move forward. pray to HIM everyday that even the smallest step is a great one.

"be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." psalm 31:24

Multiple sclerosis, or MS, is a chronic condition that affects the central nervous system (CNS): the brain, spinal cord and optic nerves. The damage caused by multiple sclerosis creates scars, called lesions, that can be seen on the brain, spinal cord and optic nerve. Because the process of developing these lesions is called sclerosis, multiple sclerosis literally means "many scars."

The central nervous system (CNS) is made up of nerve cells that send signals to each other. Each nerve cell is covered with a protective coating called myelin. Myelin acts as a conductor in helping signals move at high speeds from one end of the nerve cell to the other. In multiple sclerosis, disease activity damages the myelin in a process called demyelination. Demyelination results in lesions (or scars) that lead to a breakdown in signal transmissions.
The symptoms of multiple sclerosis are a result of this communication breakdown. Disease activity can also damage the underlying nerve cell, which may lead to permanent symptoms and disability.