Why?

A horrible tragedy happened this week that the immediate question was "why God?" I don't know the answer for this tragedy. I don't understand. I assume that He wants those that know about this tragedy to value what they have far more than they do. I have to believe that, that is His purpose because if I didn't I would hate him. It is very easy to become bitter and angry with Him.

We lost a friend last year after a long battle with cancer. He fought the cancer, but his heart just gave out. God took him home.We all asked why? The answer has come this year, because of the legacy that he left. What a legacy he has left for his children to follow.

My husband's aunt is going through her 4th bout of cancer. Why?

A friend was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 38, and you ask why?

Another friend is going through something that is a parent's worst fear, and you ask why?

Unfortunately this list goes on and on. One of the greatest lies that is told about God is that he only gives us what we can handle. I used to believe that in the beginning of my journey, but he corrected me on that lie. He puts us through horrible trials and sufferings; He is calling us to him. I know that is hard to understand, but He wants us to depend on him.

Last year when the scans showed the progression of my MS I feel into the deepest of depressions and it escalated over the year, and it still persists. One of the greatest statements that was made to me was "I can't imagine; so I am not going to even to pretend that I would know. I will just give you love." I am grateful for those words. We will be put in situations that we can't imagine to understand, but we must learn to show empathy, love, compassion, mercy and grace. It is impossible to do those things without God.

One of my greatest gifts of the last year was a moment that I had with my youngest son. At the time I was in horrible pain, and walking from our bedroom to the kitchen was exhausting. My son asked me to come outside to watch the monarch butterflies. I said yes even though I really just wanted to lay down.

As I was sitting there I realized that I did not feel pain, or fatigue. The peace and comfort of spending hours with my son just watching the butterflies was wonderful. God gives us those moments in the midst of our suffering.