12 Years

12 years ago today I was diagnosed with MS. It was a week away from our wedding. Everything changed. Every dream became a maybe. Every thing that we had talked about for our life became a maybe. I could never have guessed the shit storm that was about to happen for the next year and half of our life. None.

It changed our thoughts about everything. We had no idea what to expect. It was the worst year of our marriage. People were not so kind that first year about helping the way they should have. It was a hard road. However God gave me a choice that year; will you move forward or use this to become a pity party? I could have used it, because I had been trained in manipulation after my parents divorce. I was good about abusing my parent's hearts for their failings. I finally figured out they didn't owe me anything, and I was wrong to do that. It was a massive battle of the wills; him pursuing me and me fighting to not go there. He won.

I have been reflecting about every step where my faith that he would sustain, and move me forward has brought incredible blessings. A marriage, children, friendships, love, grace, joy, and most of all a life to be proud of. Faith that he would sustain me with strength and courage through the worst of my fears. Strength to go into the unknown when when the world would have said you can't.

I have found over the years that blaming a circumstance for not moving forward is pretty sad. I have to wonder who told someone that they had right to play that card for years. I read stories of the corruption, the theft, the greed, the manipulation of not getting what they want because of circumstance is getting old. I see people that enable others, because they feel they have to do that. It is a game of manipulation..

I thank God that I had parents that never once said I had a right for entitlement because of circumstance. They never would have allowed me to use an illness for gain. They we were very clear when I was diagnosed that this was not a reason to stop living. Thank God I had that. I look at people and hear stories that they are entitled to something without doing anything, but just breathing and I wonder why? Why would you sell yourself so short and believe that you couldn't?

There is a trend in this nation, in our communities, our families, or friendships that we are entitled to something for nothing. Why would we want that? Why would we allow our circumstance, trials, sufferings to take over? If we keep running from God, because he tells us the truth of our hearts we miss out on his beautiful grace. Why would we allow our fear of being held accountable to our sinful nature, and miss out on his love? Sooner or later we have to address the problem that people think because they breath and walk around this world they are owed something. We have to learn how to face our truths.

In January we attended one of my cousin's weddings. I got to see another cousin that I have not seen in years. He spoke words of affirmation about me and my journey that still brings tears to my eyes. I made the choice 12 years ago to never allow a circumstance to rule my heart and the blessings from God have been extraordinary. All I have to do is look in the eyes of my 2 beautiful sons and know that it was the right choice.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/trials_and_tribulations