I am a worrier by nature. I think about the future all the time which is a sin. I think about the what ifs becoming reality. Here is the kicker before Thanksgiving I read the scripture 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34. I don't know if I should have read this scripture. He turned the what if into reality.
For the last 2 years I have worried about the financial repercussions of the health care bill regarding my health care and knowing what that truly meant to individuals that have chronic illnesses. I knew that our care would be in jeopardy. I knew that my doctor would not be able treat her patients the way she needed to. Hell, I grew up around vets and I knew exactly what government health care was. I thought why in the world would people want this. It all comes down to greed and envy. There is no other truth for it; we want what someone else has. We want to control that and feel secure.
and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. 2 Timothy 4:4
I argued about it until I was blue in the face. I realized that when you argue with someone that has no understanding of what that would really do to individuals it is a huge waste of time. They have no concept of what that truly means for people. If you take from someone that needs it because you don't think it is fair, use God to do it, force it on others it is a huge sin, and not compassion. It is manipulation in the purest form. Thank God I was raised by parents that told you the truth about things. They said if you do this there will be a consequence. That doesn't mean we didn't do it; idiots.
Tuesday I was sitting in my doc's office. She was doing her usual poking and prodding of my body. Things weren't responding the way they should, and after all these years we can laugh about it. MS does crazy things. I have a friend that loves to poke her finger at me and ask if I can feel it. Well, after the hundredth time I can feel it silly woman. I digress from the story though.
While I was there a drug rep came in with a box of drugs that heal MS patients during their attacks. These are not cheap drugs and not cost effective for insurance companies to cover when they have to pay mandates and regulations. It is a lot to cover; drugs, iv, the set-up costs, the nurses and god forbid you need more of it. I asked what was going on, and my doctor told me that some of her patients had be denied the treatment. She was working on getting the meds for free, or at a reduction in cost for the patient. They need the treatment to function. My doctor does not do well with individuals telling her she cannot care for her patients at all. God Bless Her!!!
I immediately thought great what if they deny it, and I gotta fight with them over something that I pay for. I have the evil "cadillac" plan. The one that everyone wants without paying for it. I'm evil because I pay for that and I don't want to share it. We went over the numbers just in case we have to cover the cost because the insurance won't cover it. I wasn't mad about that as much as I was so angry for these individuals and the selfishness of people. If you don't understand it and believed our president when he said it wouldn't affect your doctor or insurance that is called being duped and naivee'.
I have to admit that when I walked out of the office I wanted to call every friend and family member that voted for this man and his cronies, and ask them to cover these individuals costs. Don't blame Bush either, because he wasn't the one that designed it. I wanted to shout from the roof-tops where is your compassion for these individuals? I wanted to say practice what you preach, give your money to those that are ill, and look them in the eye when you do it. They are God's children too.
I wanted to yell why are people so envious of what they don't have, and want to steal it from their neighbors. Why does my husband deserve this burden? He works his ass off. He is trying to finish a project before the end of the year, 12 plus hours a day, and now there is a possibility that the insurance he pays for might not even cover what his wife needs. It pisses me off.
Why do my children deserve this burden? There is great fear for a mother when she can't get what she needs to care for her children. I look at my boys and know that they rely on me to care for them, and I don't like having to say "mommy, can't do that right now." I don't like having to think about other people caring for my children, because that is not their job. God gave me that job. To some people they think that is control, but no that is respecting and cherishing the role God gave me.
I am a pretty giving and generous person by nature, but I am not a doormat. I will love my enemies because God instructed me, but I don't have to respect them. I don't feel good right now, but I don't feel good most days. I can't feel my face, my feet, my legs, my body is burning like I am on fire, and I am physically weak. I have pain coursing through my body at extreme levels. The mercy and grace of this is it only makes me stronger in Him.
I get it I got a little prideful, a little boastful that hadn't had an attack in awhile. I looked in the mirror and remembered that I can be selfish, envious, have vanity, have fear, have guilt and worry about tomorrow. I wonder what you see when you look in the mirror? I wonder if people really understand what they have done.
He gives us the truth when we need it with great love and mercy. His purpose is for us to be his and worship him completely. To confess, beg and repent for his grace. He gives us the water that we thirst, or he gives us what we deserve. When I am having an attack they are some of the most cherished moments I have with God. The closest moments with him, and I wouldn't give it up for the world.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
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