my confession

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

(Proverbs 14:1 ESV)

About 4 years ago I did a study called created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl. It was an extremely, harsh assessment of women in today’s society. I have struggled with this for years. The reason is because I was raised by a feminist, and I am a lot like my mother. I have always known that my marriage would be a struggle because of this. Feminism is the destruction of the marriage and the family. It began in Genesis Chapter 3 and ends in Revelations. I have been studying the 60’s in this country recently, because that is the ruling authority now and I need to understand what they were taught during that time.

Studying this generation has brought me back continually to feminism. John MacArthur has recently been doing a sermon series on marriage and the family; Ephesians 5. The harsh assessment for men and women is that men do not love their wives as they do Christ, and women do not submit to their husbands out of willing submission. Christ made it very clear that biblical marriage is glory to God. Anything that takes us away from our spouse and children is not meant to be there. We don’t have balance in this nation. Everyone is running around like their heads are cut off. No wonder there is so much confusion. Me included. I went back and read Mark chapter 13; 1-13 to remind myself that things are meant to happen and not to be afraid because we have the Holy Spirit in us to endure.

The birth control and abortion debate is because women think that they have the absolute control over their womb. Where is the father in this? I took birth control for years, because I knew I was not mature enough to handle a child. I took it after I got married, because my husband and I knew we just were not ready for that responsibility. Raising children is hard work; emotionally, physically and financially.

I can’t even remember now when I started the group on face book; fellowship for women. I started it because I and other women needed a place where they could reach out and seek each other in a community to pray for each other. To seek advice for our struggles as moms, wives, and friends. The older I’ve gotten I seek silence and time alone from people by myself, because I need to figure what is going on my heart. I miss seeing my friends I do, but I physically can’t do it right now. If you want to see me you’re going to have to come to my house. My husband gave me the permission to be selfish right now, because he knows I exhausted right now.
My dad came over on Valentine’s Day to bring my valentine. It turned into the Valentine’s Day Massacre without the fight. It was a firm rebuke that I needed to hear. When I got married I knew the biggest issue was going to be allowing my husband to lead, and allowing him to protect me. I knew it. I am feminist in that sense. I was raised to be a very strong woman. It became a mentality that I was to be stronger than my husband and my choices would be better for our family. Communication is the key. If we tell each other what we need, what is going on, having the humility to admit where we failed and then following through with each other that is glorifying to God. The downfall in marriages seems to be when we ignore what our spouses want, and we decide what we want to do because of our own selfish desires. Lots of resentment and hurt builds with other. We have been struggling with this for last year. God is glorious when he makes you see! We have very strong marriage because are willing to continue to see our failures, to work it out the best way we can, and forgive.

After the rebuke my dad said the good thing kid is if you didn’t have the strength and faith that you have you wouldn’t be able to fight MS the way you do. The second thing he said was you can spot bullshit when you see it. He said you know how your mother and I failed, and you are willing to see what you need to change to make it work, and remember your grandparents marriage.

He brought up when we first got married. It was an awful time. We found out I was sick, and my husband lost his job. We were sad, we were angry and we were lucky to have survived it. My dad was a rock for us during that time. He pushed us to survive. I remember him saying you have to find a way to get back to why you got married. We did.

The last time I got sick my husband had to put his foot the down with me, because I was getting sick. Thank God for a beautiful pastor that counseled us on what we were to do. He has had to do it again, because I would give everything I have a way to help another including my heart because just the thought of someone suffering just breaks my heart.
The amazing peace that comes with this is beautiful. Christ has be patient with me for a very long time regarding this. That is what 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is about. His love for us is patient in our desire to control another spiritually. We become self-righteous in our journey and can not accept our failures. We do not repent. we do not confess or seek forgiveness. He patiently waits for us to see our hearts and what we are capable of.

My confession is I am feminist, and I don’t want to be that so pray that I keep giving up this struggle. When my husband tells me not do something I have to listen, because it just may be that I am destroying him. The same thing applies to him; husbands have to listen to what needs to be done. The part where we get in trouble is if we tell each no I’m go to do it this way. Where is the love and respect in that?
He is my protector and my provider. He wants all of me, because I am his. I have a hard time with this only because my desires get in the way. Women think they will lose themselves in what their husbands want for their lives. That is not true. Nothing interferes with you and your spouse. It hurts God when you do that. I have to remember every time that I do something outside what he wants have hurt God.