today my first born will be going to kindergarten. i have to admit to all those crazy feelings of fear, excitement, and anxiety. i really never thought i would be one those moms that got so anxious about this. he is very excited and a little scared i think, but he seems ready to take that step.
the verse trust in the LORD in proverbs 3 keeps popping into my mind. i am trusting that the LORD will protect my little boy today, and so many days to come. what a journey being a mom is. celebrating with a child all of the milestones they achieve is quite an experience. talk about giving up control, and realizing that you can't be there for everything is really hard.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." proverbs 3:5
i know he is only in kindergarten, but i have to admit when it comes to my children i can be a lioness. with each achievement we have celebrated with cheers and claps. with each hurt, and tear my heart would break. with each moment that we have had to discipline i have to remind myself that he has to learn. his stubbornness is definitely me, and when he sets his mind to something it is very hard to change it. he can be very shy, and quiet. he can be very loving, and sweet.
when i think about our relationship with CHRIST i can't imagine what it is like for HIM to be a father to so many. HE watches us make so many mistakes, and it hurts HIS heart when we don't obey. the constant training we go through to truly become HIS. i can't even imagine the pain HE feels when HE sees us fail time and time again.
then i think about how much joy and love HE feels when we obey HIM. i think about when we do something that HE asked us to do that was so hard to do. we feel fear and anxiety over what our next milestone should be in our journey. when HE is pushing us in one direction, and we keep fighting HIM because of fear we aren't trusting HIM. when we do trust HIM it is so glorious!
this family has chosen to make some big changes this fall. HE is leading us in a new direction. HE is pushing us to achieve other milestones that we are all a little scared, and nervous about. i know that HE will protect us, and guide us if we put all of our trust in HIM. we have to remember that our son is trusting his father and mother to protect, and care for him. the innocence of that is something all of us can learn from.
we have to trust that he will go, and obey like he is supposed to. we have to realize that he is a child and will make mistakes, but hopefully learn from them. we have to help, and guide him in the direction in needs to go. we have to teach him about all the beautiful things GOD wants him to learn about, and seek wisdom.
i have been thinking about my parents this morning, and what it must have been like for them over the years letting their children go. they let us achieve our milestones, and make our mistakes. they let us become us. each one was different, and they knew each one of us could conquer the world if we wanted to. they allowed us to move forward, and live. i think about how they knew what would give us hope, and what we would regret. so many choices they had to let us make. they were training us, and training themselves to let go.
as my son starts his journey now i have to realize that while i'm training him we are also training ourselves to let go a little at a time. we are preparing him to live his life. we are preparing him to become the man CHRIST wants him to be. i am overjoyed and scared all at the same time. i have to learn to trust that he will learn from us, and become a great man. i have to let him go make his journey. i have many years to go, but with each day i am letting go a little more.
i talked my dad last night, and reminded him that his grandson was starting kindergarten. his only words were, so now it begins and laughed. what a hard journey to let your child become an adult, and hope that they make the right decisions for themselves. i gotta give my parents credit they have let me become an adult, and soar on my own. i have no idea how they have done it always, but they let me do it. they continue to let me live without interference, so i can become the woman CHRIST wants me to be.
we all have to let go at some point and trust that GOD is in control. i can understand why he wants us to have children so we have physical reminder HIM teaching to us let go. HE is our father.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." proverbs 22:6
"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him." proverbs 23:24
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