If you live in Texas you understand the term foundation problems. If you live in Houston you really understand it. We are at sea level so we don’t have basements, but a big slab of concrete. It shifts all the time. We have to water our foundations in times of extreme drought, or it cracks. We can see them all over homes. When you look to buy a home or sell your home that is one of the biggest selling points; no foundation problems, or if the foundation has been repaired.
When we remodeled this past year we repaired some older cracks that needed to be fixed. Those cracks are back and now we have new ones that we will have to be fixed. Cracks in our foundations are a sign that something could be wrong. We actually have individuals that can search for them, find them and fix them. God sees the cracks in our hearts and souls. He sees what needs be fixed, but when we ignore them over time they just become bigger cracks. Just patching them doesn’t always work, because they will just show back up. The small cracks can always become a bigger problem when they are ignored.
One of the things that I love about this country is the hope we have to always achieve something better. We are always determined to find a solution to the problem; hopefully. All of these issues are just cracks in our foundation that just got out of hand. We gave too much without understanding the consequence. We sought the Garden of Eden while forgetting that men are just men and women are just women.
I think about when Christians start to lose sight of what is in their hearts, and what they are capable of. They forget that their relationship has to constantly be repaired and fed to make it grow. Self-righteousness is one hell of crack. I have been accused on more than one occasion of being a pessimist. I will analyze the good and the bad. I would be trying to change the past, or just not taking a leap of faith.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
Over time we can only see the sin in our hearts and lose the ability to love our own beauty. We feel attacked at every turn, or we question what another sees of our life without accepting our hearts. We worry that people will think we are selfish if we don’t give. We get angry when someone tells us no. Our hearts break when someone isn’t paying attention to what we need. Here is the thing about God, and I know that most followers of Christ don’t understand this; heal your heart before you push yourself to do more than you can. When we don’t heal our own hearts our only motive becomes what the church tells us to do, society, our families or even our friends.
I wrote a blog posting sometime back called my apologies. I regret that posting in some ways now. The reason why I say this is because I wrote it out of the persecution from others for my passion of God and politics. I wrote it because of a couple of women accused me of having too much “drama.” God made me to be a passionate woman and a loving woman. He put my heart on my sleeve. He made my heart a heart that aches when people hurt. He also gave me a heart to fight, and to stand when I see something wrong. I do get a little too passionate sometimes.
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
For years I have beat myself for being sick and that my husband married me. For some reason with my diagnosis I forgot that I was worthy enough for him. God put us together for a reason. We balance each other. He calms me down, and I remind him that life isn’t always so fair. A rose colored glass sometimes gets us in trouble. I remind him that he is strong enough to conquer the world if he wants to. The other reason is there aren’t too many men strong enough to take care of a wife that has a chronic illness. My husband on more than one occasion has proven that he is that man.
At the beginning of this year I had to remember that I was worthy enough for him to be married to me. I also had to remember that I was allowing my own insecurities with myself to be taken advantage of. While things weren’t done intentionally to hurt me I had allowed it to happen because I was afraid of saying anything. My husband has a beautiful heart, but he is not me. We have had to learn what is acceptable and what could be hurtful to the other.
For the first time since I was diagnosed I don’t feel guilty about telling someone no, and that I can’t do something physically; including my husband. That crack has been healed. It took ten years to heal. Guilt is our own issue; not His. If we are pushing ourselves to do something or be something we are not, all it means is that we need to fix the cracks in our own heart first. God loves us so much that he wants to heal us. He wants us to see both sides of every story, to pray for it, and heal it. We are a pretty harsh society. We have to have it one way or another. One view has to be for the masses. Too many laws and regulations stifle that.
We have a lot of cracks to fix in our lives. I don’t believe we can fix them without him. I don’t believe that we have a moral and ethical society do it. We pick and choose how we live with him in our lives. We have turned too many wrongs into rights. We fight everything with vengeance and anger. We don’t have the capability to hold ourselves accountable in this society, because we have become self-righteous, prideful, greedy, and an envious society. You may say to yourself while reading this that this isn’t me well can we really say that? I know I can’t. Take a step back, work on the cracks that we have in our hearts. Give ourselves the time to discern the bigger picture.
I have friends that say “well I want to give” and “I know I don’t need all of this.” They are struggling with what society is telling them to do. Don’t give anything right now except to your families. Don’t feel guilty for what God has blessed you with. Take a break and breathe. It takes a lot of courage and strength to face what is in our hearts. It takes such courage to be willing to say we have to fix this first before we can move forward. For some us our only goal right now is to keep our families on track and that is all he wants from us. There is nothing wrong with that, so please stop beating yourself up for it. Take care of your heart, protect it, heal it and most of all remember He does love you. If we begin to trust him a little more each day he will start working miracles.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."2 Corinthians 12:9
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