what do you find hard to believe about god? that was one of the questions yesterday in our sunday school class. do you believe that christ was crucified, died and resurrected? do you believe that he rose from the dead into flesh and bone? do you doubt this? do you believe that he walked with them, ate with him, and drank with him? if you doubt this then you doubt god, and you are false in your faith.
judgement is good when someone you love is going against the scripture they profess and you call them out on it. never heard that before right? it goes against what we have been taught in our churches? god loves us enough to hold us to judgement. are we indifferent to how we love jesus? no one will get to the father unless he accepts the son; no one. our selfish desires must go for him not just the ones we love. he wants all of you, and he pursues you for it. our pastor said something yesterday about love. the opposite of love is indifference. bored with him would be the best way to describe it. do we have a constant thirst to be with him? to be cherished by him? how many of us are like this in our marriages. we are indifferent to our spouses and their needs. their wants and desires. then we wonder why they won't do those things for us. we made them that way.
in all my years in this journey i was very neglectful of the holy spirit; him in my heart. we ignore our gut instinct because of the world, society, family, and friends. we fear them more than god. we forget that they will be held to judgment just as much as us. when we remember that we find peace in the act. what will it take for you to believe in him? big acts or little acts? it took a huge act for me to stop doubting what i knew was wrong. i knew it, i ignored it and then he pushed it. huge, huge lesson regarding the fear of the others and not him.
there is a rule in the bible that too many ignore about our role as a follower. sharing what is in our hearts that is good because of him with another. it doesn't matter where we do it, it is just if we do it. we don't have to say all the terms that people push for us to share. simple acts make a huge impression. simple phrases like "how are you?" it is one thing to know scripture, have it memorized and quote it but do your actions actually reflect that? i have got a few things that i really need to get my act together about. i can hear him saying " what are you doing?" i am trying to take control, and not letting him do it. i will be judged for that.
our pastor gave one of the best reasons for the fall that i have ever heard. it wasn't that adam and eve didn't know the difference between right and wrong, it was that they wanted to make the choice. he said no and they said yes. we should be very confident about knowing what our sins are. that is not a self-esteem issue if we recognize that. that just means that we are as sinful as the next person, and we have humility. the ones that don't recognize this is what we should be concerned with. we twist god's words from no to yes.
the last 6 weeks have not been great. i have great faith that it will work out the way it needs to. i am in a lot of pain, because i was off my major MS meds for a while because of the insurance. i got a taste of what we will have to deal with because of the health care bill. i just want to be able to take care of my kids physically. i have that right because we pay for our medical insurance. i have never had a problem with getting approved for my shots - ever. this is my preventative care, and there is no way i am going to let the government dictate that. i am not mad at the insurance company because they are doing what they have to do now to cover all the mandates. the government dictates our private lives. we are fools to think that they don't. this is called oppression my dear friends.
we are headed into something big in this country. he already knows who is going to be president. he knows that we put our faith in men and not him. he knows our false sincerity about others and him. there is a verse in acts 17 (30-31) where god overlooks ignorance for so long then he makes every knee bow and repent. quit with the idea that we are not going to held accountable for ignoring him, choosing the world, thinking we were blessed because of stuff, and taking control of our own lives. the simple truth is we wanted more than what we needed, and then called that a blessing. we chose to indulge and enable our wants and desires, instead of our needs. be indifferent to the stuff, and not people.
the promise is that he is in control not us, and we really are getting what we deserve. we can blame anyone we want, but he is forcing each one of us to see what is in front us. we aren't going to heaven because we do good things and we talk about doing it. that is lie you have been taught. you have to accept him and give your life to him. he isn't going accept excuses for that because we were afraid to defend him and his living word.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Hypocrites
“Having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” (2 Timothy 3:5 ESV)
The above verse in my opinion is why individuals do not attend church. False people. God hated that. He hated individuals that mocked him in their superior attitudes. God is a loving God, but he hated it when individuals used him to control others. Here is the thing we as individuals do not have the power to control another only god has that. We do not have the ability to give grace to ourselves only god has that.
God valued humility in his children. It is a characteristic that has to be developed over time, nurtured in discipline. We don’t have that in us because we have pride. We don’t have it in it us because by nature we are selfish individuals; each one of us. I read an article that one of the greatest failings of Christian parents is that they value their child’s self-esteem more than correcting sinful behaviors. Do your children know how to admit when they have failed and seek forgiveness? If they don’t it is because they learned that from you.
One of my biggest prayers is that I learn humility, show humility to others, and to my children. The reason why is because if our children do not see humility from their parents they will never understand why they are not right all the time. My husband and I do not have enough humility with each other. We are also not very compromising with each other. Our children see this and they act that out with us and each other. The hard part is learning to completely give up our own selfish desires, and become one for them. That is what makes your children strong when they have to deal with trials. It rids the blame game from their hearts. They have to take accountability for their actions. They must understand that what they do has a consequence. We have a choice to do that, but I wonder if some people are too self-righteous to do it.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23
One of my sweet friend’s and I always remind each other that we are selfish. We do it so that we never forget that we have that in our hearts. The longer I am in this journey the more I realize I really have a hard time with throw it your face Christians. I have prayed more and more for taming of the tongue. True followers will constantly be aware of what is in their hearts, and what they capable of doing to God and others. Actions speak far louder than words. I do not like it when others try control others. The reason is because I have that in me. I understand that about myself. However, beware of giving up too much control of your heart.
On Thursday a friend sent me scripture that I really needed (Romans 12:9-21). She held me accountable to Christ. I called her, and she said “are you mad at me?” Why would I be mad at her for telling me the truth? I would be hypocrite right there if I did that. I thank God that I can do that now, because I could not have done that before. I am thinking that a true follower is able to accept that from someone, question why they are saying that, and seek the answer without anger, or bitterness. One of the statements I loathe the most “but this is what you did.” That drives me crazy, because it is just another way not to accept something about yourself, and what you did to another.
I value humility in people, because it shows integrity. It shows that they are willing to change and move forward. We don’t have enough people in the world like that in my opinion. People just can not admit when they have failed. Take a hard look at your heart Christians, and quit doing this to people. It is false.
“For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:2
The above verse in my opinion is why individuals do not attend church. False people. God hated that. He hated individuals that mocked him in their superior attitudes. God is a loving God, but he hated it when individuals used him to control others. Here is the thing we as individuals do not have the power to control another only god has that. We do not have the ability to give grace to ourselves only god has that.
God valued humility in his children. It is a characteristic that has to be developed over time, nurtured in discipline. We don’t have that in us because we have pride. We don’t have it in it us because by nature we are selfish individuals; each one of us. I read an article that one of the greatest failings of Christian parents is that they value their child’s self-esteem more than correcting sinful behaviors. Do your children know how to admit when they have failed and seek forgiveness? If they don’t it is because they learned that from you.
One of my biggest prayers is that I learn humility, show humility to others, and to my children. The reason why is because if our children do not see humility from their parents they will never understand why they are not right all the time. My husband and I do not have enough humility with each other. We are also not very compromising with each other. Our children see this and they act that out with us and each other. The hard part is learning to completely give up our own selfish desires, and become one for them. That is what makes your children strong when they have to deal with trials. It rids the blame game from their hearts. They have to take accountability for their actions. They must understand that what they do has a consequence. We have a choice to do that, but I wonder if some people are too self-righteous to do it.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23
One of my sweet friend’s and I always remind each other that we are selfish. We do it so that we never forget that we have that in our hearts. The longer I am in this journey the more I realize I really have a hard time with throw it your face Christians. I have prayed more and more for taming of the tongue. True followers will constantly be aware of what is in their hearts, and what they capable of doing to God and others. Actions speak far louder than words. I do not like it when others try control others. The reason is because I have that in me. I understand that about myself. However, beware of giving up too much control of your heart.
On Thursday a friend sent me scripture that I really needed (Romans 12:9-21). She held me accountable to Christ. I called her, and she said “are you mad at me?” Why would I be mad at her for telling me the truth? I would be hypocrite right there if I did that. I thank God that I can do that now, because I could not have done that before. I am thinking that a true follower is able to accept that from someone, question why they are saying that, and seek the answer without anger, or bitterness. One of the statements I loathe the most “but this is what you did.” That drives me crazy, because it is just another way not to accept something about yourself, and what you did to another.
I value humility in people, because it shows integrity. It shows that they are willing to change and move forward. We don’t have enough people in the world like that in my opinion. People just can not admit when they have failed. Take a hard look at your heart Christians, and quit doing this to people. It is false.
“For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:2
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Power of God
“You did not choose me, but I chose you” John 15:16
The above is the just beginning of verse 16 in John chapter 15, but it is a powerful statement of about our relationship with Christ. The context of the entire verse is regarding the disciples. He was beginning to give them clues that he would physically not be there anymore. He was instructing them about bearing fruit, planting a seed and going out to share the gospel; the true vine - LIFE. 40 days after the resurrection the Holy Spirit enters and each one us has someone to help us for the rest of lives if we say yes to HIM.
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.” John 15:18
I draw strength from this verse because it is what happens sometimes when we choose god over everything else or someone in our lives. That is power. I started this journey with a thirst for him as the Holy Spirit was entering my life, then emptiness, the legalism, and now a heart that knows that the only true power is prayer and being alone with him. Everyday trials become easier to handle, the hurts don’t hurt as much and you are a little stronger each day.
The last month or so has had its fair share of trials. Lots and lots of praying going on. Seeking help from others when we need it and knowing that there is no shame in seeking comfort from one another. The pride begins to melt away and you rely on HIM to carry you through. We can learn a lot by watching someone that is going through trials and their faith. I like to observe them because then we can begin to see what is in their hearts and what they fear. Not in judgment just the overwhelming desire to tell them that God so very much loves them, and they are worth it.
I took a class on Sunday for my Romania trip regarding how to share the gospel with someone. God will be with me each step of the way, give me the words and guide me on what a person may need to hear at that moment. The fear of acceptance is just fear. The one we want to accept us is him. He already has if we choose him. Everything else begins to fall away little by little. A trial means that he wants us to rely on him fully. How we live is a reflection of our faith. I don’t think even think we have to talk to everybody we meet we just we need to show them how the Holy Spirit works in our hearts. People start to think “I want that.”
The fight that is going on this country politically is just a game. Good vs. evil. Right vs. wrong. Freedom vs. oppression. The one thing they don’t have it appears is the power of God and prayer. I pray that whatever hand we are dealt we have the strength to endure. The trials that we have are just the beginning of birthing pains. Don’t have regrets. Call someone when you are thinking about them, tell someone that you love them because you do, and forgive no matter what the cause is. It is not worth the time to waste on trivial issues. Neutrality is not option. Don’t waste time because of fear, and laziness. Don't waste time because you are afraid of hurting someone.
I woke up again early tonight, got up and my husband said please go back to bed. I couldn’t explain to him the desperation, the insatiable hunger to write and find God. Yesterday was a rough day for family friends. I hate illness. I loathe it, but it makes us stronger; the ones that have it and those around us. I pray the doctors give him what he needs to fight this, and I pray that he has enough strength to fight it. He will need it. He does - we know he does.
For a long time I was beginning to think Americans didn’t care about what it is going on with this country. I was beginning to believe that they were not going to fight it, and say enough we can do this on our own. Waiting for them to solve this is not glorifying to him if you believe in Him. We may feel anger, frustration, sadness, and fear, but the question is what are we going to do about it; the individual. That is Christ.
Remember that verse when you feel fear of showing your faith in him. Remember it, because he will glorify you for it. He will reward your obedience to him. He will. There is nothing you can not do with him holding you up, giving you strength and taking the fear away. He chose you for a reason, he chose you to be born, he chose you because you are worth that to him, and do not doubt it. We all fall short of the glory of God. We all do and maybe remember that sometimes instead of judging so much. Christians that judge your life will be judged harsher by God. We reap what we sow. Show people the goodness in your heart and quit waiting for someone to tell you do it.
One of the questions on Sunday was if someone asked you why you accepted Christ what would your answer be? He saved me from myself. He saved my heart and my soul, and gave me eternal life with him. There is nothing that you can do that cannot be forgiven by him when we repent. His son took that for you. I know that some of you don’t believe it, but it is true. Cry with joy that you have HIM in your life that is rooting for you everyday, all day.
The above is the just beginning of verse 16 in John chapter 15, but it is a powerful statement of about our relationship with Christ. The context of the entire verse is regarding the disciples. He was beginning to give them clues that he would physically not be there anymore. He was instructing them about bearing fruit, planting a seed and going out to share the gospel; the true vine - LIFE. 40 days after the resurrection the Holy Spirit enters and each one us has someone to help us for the rest of lives if we say yes to HIM.
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.” John 15:18
I draw strength from this verse because it is what happens sometimes when we choose god over everything else or someone in our lives. That is power. I started this journey with a thirst for him as the Holy Spirit was entering my life, then emptiness, the legalism, and now a heart that knows that the only true power is prayer and being alone with him. Everyday trials become easier to handle, the hurts don’t hurt as much and you are a little stronger each day.
The last month or so has had its fair share of trials. Lots and lots of praying going on. Seeking help from others when we need it and knowing that there is no shame in seeking comfort from one another. The pride begins to melt away and you rely on HIM to carry you through. We can learn a lot by watching someone that is going through trials and their faith. I like to observe them because then we can begin to see what is in their hearts and what they fear. Not in judgment just the overwhelming desire to tell them that God so very much loves them, and they are worth it.
I took a class on Sunday for my Romania trip regarding how to share the gospel with someone. God will be with me each step of the way, give me the words and guide me on what a person may need to hear at that moment. The fear of acceptance is just fear. The one we want to accept us is him. He already has if we choose him. Everything else begins to fall away little by little. A trial means that he wants us to rely on him fully. How we live is a reflection of our faith. I don’t think even think we have to talk to everybody we meet we just we need to show them how the Holy Spirit works in our hearts. People start to think “I want that.”
The fight that is going on this country politically is just a game. Good vs. evil. Right vs. wrong. Freedom vs. oppression. The one thing they don’t have it appears is the power of God and prayer. I pray that whatever hand we are dealt we have the strength to endure. The trials that we have are just the beginning of birthing pains. Don’t have regrets. Call someone when you are thinking about them, tell someone that you love them because you do, and forgive no matter what the cause is. It is not worth the time to waste on trivial issues. Neutrality is not option. Don’t waste time because of fear, and laziness. Don't waste time because you are afraid of hurting someone.
I woke up again early tonight, got up and my husband said please go back to bed. I couldn’t explain to him the desperation, the insatiable hunger to write and find God. Yesterday was a rough day for family friends. I hate illness. I loathe it, but it makes us stronger; the ones that have it and those around us. I pray the doctors give him what he needs to fight this, and I pray that he has enough strength to fight it. He will need it. He does - we know he does.
For a long time I was beginning to think Americans didn’t care about what it is going on with this country. I was beginning to believe that they were not going to fight it, and say enough we can do this on our own. Waiting for them to solve this is not glorifying to him if you believe in Him. We may feel anger, frustration, sadness, and fear, but the question is what are we going to do about it; the individual. That is Christ.
Remember that verse when you feel fear of showing your faith in him. Remember it, because he will glorify you for it. He will reward your obedience to him. He will. There is nothing you can not do with him holding you up, giving you strength and taking the fear away. He chose you for a reason, he chose you to be born, he chose you because you are worth that to him, and do not doubt it. We all fall short of the glory of God. We all do and maybe remember that sometimes instead of judging so much. Christians that judge your life will be judged harsher by God. We reap what we sow. Show people the goodness in your heart and quit waiting for someone to tell you do it.
One of the questions on Sunday was if someone asked you why you accepted Christ what would your answer be? He saved me from myself. He saved my heart and my soul, and gave me eternal life with him. There is nothing that you can do that cannot be forgiven by him when we repent. His son took that for you. I know that some of you don’t believe it, but it is true. Cry with joy that you have HIM in your life that is rooting for you everyday, all day.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Beauty
"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-17
What a beautiful week of renewal. We took a break from the world and the everyday activities that multiply into stress. Northern New Mexico is one of the most beautiful places on earth, but I haven’t seen the entire world (yet). I would move here in a heartbeat. The renewal of mind, spirit, marriage, friendship and the simplicity of life is grace. Such peace. All the little things that we deem important don’t really matter and the gratitude of life sets in.
We climbed up to see cliff dwellings yesterday that were incredible to witness and touch. There were little shards of pottery along the way that have been there for hundreds of years that men and women had made and used. When the rains come more pottery washes down from the top of the mesa on to the earth below. Too touch them was inspiring.
Before we went up I kept thinking I am preparing for the trip to Romania, and can I really climb up this path to touch history? Ahead of me was an elderly man with a cane and he just marched right up there, and I found my inspiration. It took away the fear of leaving my family for 10 days to love on children in another part of the world.
One of my favorite things in the world is to look at art. I love to meet the artists on the sidewalks, or in the small towns that are sharing their work for the world to see. Such inspiring beauty. I love walking through ancient ruins that people once lived their lives in. I think about how their life must have been and the only things they did were just to celebrate the beauty of working with their hands to feed their families. No amount of money in the world could give the satisfaction of laboring for the love of a family or friend.
Last night I sat with a friend, his beautiful wife, and daughters that I haven’t seen in years. Just to catch up and share a meal was a gift. A new friendship has formed and we hope for many more years to share that friendship. This my friends is what life is about; to share in our struggles, fears, and laughter at what life is for each of us.
I looked in the eyes of a Native American woman that paints women from her pueblo that are strong and courageous. Talked with her about the beauty of her people that have lived on the land for over 400 years. Met a man that makes the most beautiful jewelry I have ever seen; simple and pure. He had the most beautiful, long black hair that most women would pay big money for, and piercing eyes that kind of twinkle at you. I put on a ring that he said has been blessed by many men of God to carry you forward.
We stood in a church that’s dirt is said to have healing powers. I rubbed the dirt on my hands praying and thanking God for just being able to stand there. I have never felt such peace at that one moment standing in a church that has been there for hundreds of years and healed so many. All along the walls are pictures of friends and loved ones that have sought the healing powers of this amazing gift from God.
I walked through a garden with sculptures that depict the passion of Christ. From the beginning of being handed over to the mockery, the beating, the burden of the cross, the nailing of his hands and feet, to being held by his mother, and then rising from the dead. Such beauty and sorrow at what he gave up for us. I cannot describe the emotion that overcomes one’s soul when you can touch and see what he did.
I am grateful to be able to travel and see the beauty of snowcapped mountains, mesas, ruins of past lives, the mighty Rio Grande, and valleys. I have watched sunrises and sunsets. Sat on benches and just breathed. Held hands with my husband, and remembered why we love each other so much. Beauty is what we make of it when we slow down to look around us. Beauty is what he gave us.
What a beautiful week of renewal. We took a break from the world and the everyday activities that multiply into stress. Northern New Mexico is one of the most beautiful places on earth, but I haven’t seen the entire world (yet). I would move here in a heartbeat. The renewal of mind, spirit, marriage, friendship and the simplicity of life is grace. Such peace. All the little things that we deem important don’t really matter and the gratitude of life sets in.
We climbed up to see cliff dwellings yesterday that were incredible to witness and touch. There were little shards of pottery along the way that have been there for hundreds of years that men and women had made and used. When the rains come more pottery washes down from the top of the mesa on to the earth below. Too touch them was inspiring.
Before we went up I kept thinking I am preparing for the trip to Romania, and can I really climb up this path to touch history? Ahead of me was an elderly man with a cane and he just marched right up there, and I found my inspiration. It took away the fear of leaving my family for 10 days to love on children in another part of the world.
One of my favorite things in the world is to look at art. I love to meet the artists on the sidewalks, or in the small towns that are sharing their work for the world to see. Such inspiring beauty. I love walking through ancient ruins that people once lived their lives in. I think about how their life must have been and the only things they did were just to celebrate the beauty of working with their hands to feed their families. No amount of money in the world could give the satisfaction of laboring for the love of a family or friend.
Last night I sat with a friend, his beautiful wife, and daughters that I haven’t seen in years. Just to catch up and share a meal was a gift. A new friendship has formed and we hope for many more years to share that friendship. This my friends is what life is about; to share in our struggles, fears, and laughter at what life is for each of us.
I looked in the eyes of a Native American woman that paints women from her pueblo that are strong and courageous. Talked with her about the beauty of her people that have lived on the land for over 400 years. Met a man that makes the most beautiful jewelry I have ever seen; simple and pure. He had the most beautiful, long black hair that most women would pay big money for, and piercing eyes that kind of twinkle at you. I put on a ring that he said has been blessed by many men of God to carry you forward.
We stood in a church that’s dirt is said to have healing powers. I rubbed the dirt on my hands praying and thanking God for just being able to stand there. I have never felt such peace at that one moment standing in a church that has been there for hundreds of years and healed so many. All along the walls are pictures of friends and loved ones that have sought the healing powers of this amazing gift from God.
I walked through a garden with sculptures that depict the passion of Christ. From the beginning of being handed over to the mockery, the beating, the burden of the cross, the nailing of his hands and feet, to being held by his mother, and then rising from the dead. Such beauty and sorrow at what he gave up for us. I cannot describe the emotion that overcomes one’s soul when you can touch and see what he did.
I am grateful to be able to travel and see the beauty of snowcapped mountains, mesas, ruins of past lives, the mighty Rio Grande, and valleys. I have watched sunrises and sunsets. Sat on benches and just breathed. Held hands with my husband, and remembered why we love each other so much. Beauty is what we make of it when we slow down to look around us. Beauty is what he gave us.
Friday, March 2, 2012
my confession
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.
(Proverbs 14:1 ESV)
About 4 years ago I did a study called created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl. It was an extremely, harsh assessment of women in today’s society. I have struggled with this for years. The reason is because I was raised by a feminist, and I am a lot like my mother. I have always known that my marriage would be a struggle because of this. Feminism is the destruction of the marriage and the family. It began in Genesis Chapter 3 and ends in Revelations. I have been studying the 60’s in this country recently, because that is the ruling authority now and I need to understand what they were taught during that time.
Studying this generation has brought me back continually to feminism. John MacArthur has recently been doing a sermon series on marriage and the family; Ephesians 5. The harsh assessment for men and women is that men do not love their wives as they do Christ, and women do not submit to their husbands out of willing submission. Christ made it very clear that biblical marriage is glory to God. Anything that takes us away from our spouse and children is not meant to be there. We don’t have balance in this nation. Everyone is running around like their heads are cut off. No wonder there is so much confusion. Me included. I went back and read Mark chapter 13; 1-13 to remind myself that things are meant to happen and not to be afraid because we have the Holy Spirit in us to endure.
The birth control and abortion debate is because women think that they have the absolute control over their womb. Where is the father in this? I took birth control for years, because I knew I was not mature enough to handle a child. I took it after I got married, because my husband and I knew we just were not ready for that responsibility. Raising children is hard work; emotionally, physically and financially.
I can’t even remember now when I started the group on face book; fellowship for women. I started it because I and other women needed a place where they could reach out and seek each other in a community to pray for each other. To seek advice for our struggles as moms, wives, and friends. The older I’ve gotten I seek silence and time alone from people by myself, because I need to figure what is going on my heart. I miss seeing my friends I do, but I physically can’t do it right now. If you want to see me you’re going to have to come to my house. My husband gave me the permission to be selfish right now, because he knows I exhausted right now.
My dad came over on Valentine’s Day to bring my valentine. It turned into the Valentine’s Day Massacre without the fight. It was a firm rebuke that I needed to hear. When I got married I knew the biggest issue was going to be allowing my husband to lead, and allowing him to protect me. I knew it. I am feminist in that sense. I was raised to be a very strong woman. It became a mentality that I was to be stronger than my husband and my choices would be better for our family. Communication is the key. If we tell each other what we need, what is going on, having the humility to admit where we failed and then following through with each other that is glorifying to God. The downfall in marriages seems to be when we ignore what our spouses want, and we decide what we want to do because of our own selfish desires. Lots of resentment and hurt builds with other. We have been struggling with this for last year. God is glorious when he makes you see! We have very strong marriage because are willing to continue to see our failures, to work it out the best way we can, and forgive.
After the rebuke my dad said the good thing kid is if you didn’t have the strength and faith that you have you wouldn’t be able to fight MS the way you do. The second thing he said was you can spot bullshit when you see it. He said you know how your mother and I failed, and you are willing to see what you need to change to make it work, and remember your grandparents marriage.
He brought up when we first got married. It was an awful time. We found out I was sick, and my husband lost his job. We were sad, we were angry and we were lucky to have survived it. My dad was a rock for us during that time. He pushed us to survive. I remember him saying you have to find a way to get back to why you got married. We did.
The last time I got sick my husband had to put his foot the down with me, because I was getting sick. Thank God for a beautiful pastor that counseled us on what we were to do. He has had to do it again, because I would give everything I have a way to help another including my heart because just the thought of someone suffering just breaks my heart.
The amazing peace that comes with this is beautiful. Christ has be patient with me for a very long time regarding this. That is what 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is about. His love for us is patient in our desire to control another spiritually. We become self-righteous in our journey and can not accept our failures. We do not repent. we do not confess or seek forgiveness. He patiently waits for us to see our hearts and what we are capable of.
My confession is I am feminist, and I don’t want to be that so pray that I keep giving up this struggle. When my husband tells me not do something I have to listen, because it just may be that I am destroying him. The same thing applies to him; husbands have to listen to what needs to be done. The part where we get in trouble is if we tell each no I’m go to do it this way. Where is the love and respect in that?
He is my protector and my provider. He wants all of me, because I am his. I have a hard time with this only because my desires get in the way. Women think they will lose themselves in what their husbands want for their lives. That is not true. Nothing interferes with you and your spouse. It hurts God when you do that. I have to remember every time that I do something outside what he wants have hurt God.
(Proverbs 14:1 ESV)
About 4 years ago I did a study called created to be his help meet by Debi Pearl. It was an extremely, harsh assessment of women in today’s society. I have struggled with this for years. The reason is because I was raised by a feminist, and I am a lot like my mother. I have always known that my marriage would be a struggle because of this. Feminism is the destruction of the marriage and the family. It began in Genesis Chapter 3 and ends in Revelations. I have been studying the 60’s in this country recently, because that is the ruling authority now and I need to understand what they were taught during that time.
Studying this generation has brought me back continually to feminism. John MacArthur has recently been doing a sermon series on marriage and the family; Ephesians 5. The harsh assessment for men and women is that men do not love their wives as they do Christ, and women do not submit to their husbands out of willing submission. Christ made it very clear that biblical marriage is glory to God. Anything that takes us away from our spouse and children is not meant to be there. We don’t have balance in this nation. Everyone is running around like their heads are cut off. No wonder there is so much confusion. Me included. I went back and read Mark chapter 13; 1-13 to remind myself that things are meant to happen and not to be afraid because we have the Holy Spirit in us to endure.
The birth control and abortion debate is because women think that they have the absolute control over their womb. Where is the father in this? I took birth control for years, because I knew I was not mature enough to handle a child. I took it after I got married, because my husband and I knew we just were not ready for that responsibility. Raising children is hard work; emotionally, physically and financially.
I can’t even remember now when I started the group on face book; fellowship for women. I started it because I and other women needed a place where they could reach out and seek each other in a community to pray for each other. To seek advice for our struggles as moms, wives, and friends. The older I’ve gotten I seek silence and time alone from people by myself, because I need to figure what is going on my heart. I miss seeing my friends I do, but I physically can’t do it right now. If you want to see me you’re going to have to come to my house. My husband gave me the permission to be selfish right now, because he knows I exhausted right now.
My dad came over on Valentine’s Day to bring my valentine. It turned into the Valentine’s Day Massacre without the fight. It was a firm rebuke that I needed to hear. When I got married I knew the biggest issue was going to be allowing my husband to lead, and allowing him to protect me. I knew it. I am feminist in that sense. I was raised to be a very strong woman. It became a mentality that I was to be stronger than my husband and my choices would be better for our family. Communication is the key. If we tell each other what we need, what is going on, having the humility to admit where we failed and then following through with each other that is glorifying to God. The downfall in marriages seems to be when we ignore what our spouses want, and we decide what we want to do because of our own selfish desires. Lots of resentment and hurt builds with other. We have been struggling with this for last year. God is glorious when he makes you see! We have very strong marriage because are willing to continue to see our failures, to work it out the best way we can, and forgive.
After the rebuke my dad said the good thing kid is if you didn’t have the strength and faith that you have you wouldn’t be able to fight MS the way you do. The second thing he said was you can spot bullshit when you see it. He said you know how your mother and I failed, and you are willing to see what you need to change to make it work, and remember your grandparents marriage.
He brought up when we first got married. It was an awful time. We found out I was sick, and my husband lost his job. We were sad, we were angry and we were lucky to have survived it. My dad was a rock for us during that time. He pushed us to survive. I remember him saying you have to find a way to get back to why you got married. We did.
The last time I got sick my husband had to put his foot the down with me, because I was getting sick. Thank God for a beautiful pastor that counseled us on what we were to do. He has had to do it again, because I would give everything I have a way to help another including my heart because just the thought of someone suffering just breaks my heart.
The amazing peace that comes with this is beautiful. Christ has be patient with me for a very long time regarding this. That is what 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is about. His love for us is patient in our desire to control another spiritually. We become self-righteous in our journey and can not accept our failures. We do not repent. we do not confess or seek forgiveness. He patiently waits for us to see our hearts and what we are capable of.
My confession is I am feminist, and I don’t want to be that so pray that I keep giving up this struggle. When my husband tells me not do something I have to listen, because it just may be that I am destroying him. The same thing applies to him; husbands have to listen to what needs to be done. The part where we get in trouble is if we tell each no I’m go to do it this way. Where is the love and respect in that?
He is my protector and my provider. He wants all of me, because I am his. I have a hard time with this only because my desires get in the way. Women think they will lose themselves in what their husbands want for their lives. That is not true. Nothing interferes with you and your spouse. It hurts God when you do that. I have to remember every time that I do something outside what he wants have hurt God.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
The 1st Amendment
I have been told that I am brutally honest. It’s got me in a lot of trouble with people. Our bible study teacher looked at me on Sunday with a laugh and said some of you are bloggers. I said that blog has gotten me in more trouble. Our pastor on a couple of occasions has said don’t worry about what people say about your blog. Write and figure it out.
Some people are still in my life that it has offended, and some aren’t. Not a major problem for me any longer. The reason is because I actually want to understand why they said that, because it is probably true. So I need to suck it up, look in the mirror, and figure it out. It used to bother me, but not anymore. I want to understand the scripture you are basing that on. I have to learn, because I love Christ. One of my sweet friends told me once if it is in scripture and it is wrong then don’t do it. If it is in scripture and it is his law than do it. Try not to compromise him.
Do we have the endurance to survive the laws we are putting on ourselves? One thing I know for sure from reading scripture is that God keeps his promises; we compromise him, ignore him and then we fall. What Christ was trying to tell us is that we are responsible for our failures to him; the individual. He died and took our sin. He died for you and we don’t even have the guts to stand up for him? That is you and you alone. There is scripture that says we are to submit to the ruling authorities. Question whether or not we have the strength as a nation to uphold these mandates.
And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. (Mark 13:13 ESV)
Since the mandate came out about the Catholic Church being required by law to provide abortions, the morning after pill, and birth control coverage I have been trying to wrap my mind around the 1st amendment being gone as of January 1, 2013. Why in the world would a church compromise doctrine? If people want to compromise the very God they say they love that is their business. Not the church or the United States government. I thought that people wanted the separation of church and state, and now we have made it a law that the church has to obey the government. Are you kidding me?
If you believe in abortion so much go watch someone have one, and pay for it. The US government gives over $100 million dollars in funding to Planned Parenthood so go there if you are a woman, and catholic. It is probably because you are ashamed and you don’t want people to see you in there. Why would you be ashamed if you believe God would want you to do it?
Why are we so worried about telling people the truth? Why do we care so much about how another lives their life? Is it because we think our way is better? Yes. You know that is controlling another, and that is not God. If we give someone an inch they will take a mile. If you don’t defend yourself they are going to keep doing it. I don’t understand individuals that really believe that we weren’t allowed to fight tyranny. I don’t get it. If we love him why wouldn’t we uphold his doctrine? I have heard on more than one occasion that my boys need to look a certain way. They need to dress a certain way. There hair should be certain way, because they look like girls. If anyone knows my boys, believe me they do not act like girls they are all boy. Blah, Blah, Blah. Their hearts are incredible. That is what matters the most.
My question is what is in our heart that we base someone on how they live their life or how they look? God did not make us to be the same. Take a leap of faith and actually love yourself for being you. He made you that way. Most people aren’t secure enough in themselves to do that. Maybe we are just envious of the person that is willing to do that.
Are we so worried that we are going to hurt someone’s feelings? I get it, because I have been hurt on more than one occasion, because it was true. There is going to be pain and suffering in your life. Why are we making laws for morality? People just don’t want to accept that if their life is in the toilet it is their fault. Get over it people. I have a very blessed, beautiful life and I will fight for it. God gave us that because we worked hard. It has not been easy. We have suffered and been through huge trials, because of our own selfish desires. It is that simple. My husband works his ass off to provide and to protect his family. Now we have the added worry that our benefits are going up and the cost of my MS meds, because of people that didn’t want to work for it. He does not deserve that, and I will call people out on it.
“When an opponent declares, "I will not come over to your side," I calmly say, "Your child belongs to us already. . . . What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community." Adolf Hitler
The quote above pretty much says it all about what is going on now. They own our children through debt, and education. Now our children no longer have the right to speak against the government if the bill goes through. Parents aren’t going to have the right to question why they are doing this. Has anyone ever questioned why we are 26th in the world in education, but yet we have pumped billions of dollars into the public school system. Only 12% of students graduate in Washington DC with the fundamentals of reading and math. I find that a little odd in our nation’s capital.
I can honestly say those that put him office should be ashamed. You were played, and abused. You have enabled him to destroy other’s lives in this country, because of your definition of compassion. Not only have they destroyed our country’s 1st amendment in 3 years they have taken our children’s future. It is not all American’s fault that we can not be held accountable for our lives. That is your fault. It is not others fault that you are debt, that you cannot help another because of selfishness, or that you aren’t willing to stand up for your children’s freedom because of fear. That is on you so quit blaming others for it.
I could say that is just the Democratic Party, but it is also the republicans. We have very weak men and women in office that have not pushed for him to be impeached. He is a traitor to this country. He has destroyed the very document that got him in office. If he wins he will go after the term limit so he can stay. His czars are some of the most evil individuals when we finally educate ourselves about them. They manipulate to the point where we actually start to believe what they saying is moral.
Our President taught workshops on the Alinsky method: Rules For Radicals. Alinsky’s son has praised our president for implementing his father’s teachings so well. President Clinton and his lovely wife, Hilary loved Saul Alinsky. She even wrote her thesis on him. I have attached the link for the book so maybe just maybe your eyes will open. I pray they do. The consequence of our actions has destroyed our children’s future.
“Rules for Radicals opens with a quote about Lucifer, written by Saul Alinsky: "Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgment to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history (and who is to know where mythology leaves off and history begins -- or which is which), the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom -- Lucifer."
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/rules-for-radicals-saul-alinsky/1002278648
Some people are still in my life that it has offended, and some aren’t. Not a major problem for me any longer. The reason is because I actually want to understand why they said that, because it is probably true. So I need to suck it up, look in the mirror, and figure it out. It used to bother me, but not anymore. I want to understand the scripture you are basing that on. I have to learn, because I love Christ. One of my sweet friends told me once if it is in scripture and it is wrong then don’t do it. If it is in scripture and it is his law than do it. Try not to compromise him.
Do we have the endurance to survive the laws we are putting on ourselves? One thing I know for sure from reading scripture is that God keeps his promises; we compromise him, ignore him and then we fall. What Christ was trying to tell us is that we are responsible for our failures to him; the individual. He died and took our sin. He died for you and we don’t even have the guts to stand up for him? That is you and you alone. There is scripture that says we are to submit to the ruling authorities. Question whether or not we have the strength as a nation to uphold these mandates.
And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. (Mark 13:13 ESV)
Since the mandate came out about the Catholic Church being required by law to provide abortions, the morning after pill, and birth control coverage I have been trying to wrap my mind around the 1st amendment being gone as of January 1, 2013. Why in the world would a church compromise doctrine? If people want to compromise the very God they say they love that is their business. Not the church or the United States government. I thought that people wanted the separation of church and state, and now we have made it a law that the church has to obey the government. Are you kidding me?
If you believe in abortion so much go watch someone have one, and pay for it. The US government gives over $100 million dollars in funding to Planned Parenthood so go there if you are a woman, and catholic. It is probably because you are ashamed and you don’t want people to see you in there. Why would you be ashamed if you believe God would want you to do it?
Why are we so worried about telling people the truth? Why do we care so much about how another lives their life? Is it because we think our way is better? Yes. You know that is controlling another, and that is not God. If we give someone an inch they will take a mile. If you don’t defend yourself they are going to keep doing it. I don’t understand individuals that really believe that we weren’t allowed to fight tyranny. I don’t get it. If we love him why wouldn’t we uphold his doctrine? I have heard on more than one occasion that my boys need to look a certain way. They need to dress a certain way. There hair should be certain way, because they look like girls. If anyone knows my boys, believe me they do not act like girls they are all boy. Blah, Blah, Blah. Their hearts are incredible. That is what matters the most.
My question is what is in our heart that we base someone on how they live their life or how they look? God did not make us to be the same. Take a leap of faith and actually love yourself for being you. He made you that way. Most people aren’t secure enough in themselves to do that. Maybe we are just envious of the person that is willing to do that.
Are we so worried that we are going to hurt someone’s feelings? I get it, because I have been hurt on more than one occasion, because it was true. There is going to be pain and suffering in your life. Why are we making laws for morality? People just don’t want to accept that if their life is in the toilet it is their fault. Get over it people. I have a very blessed, beautiful life and I will fight for it. God gave us that because we worked hard. It has not been easy. We have suffered and been through huge trials, because of our own selfish desires. It is that simple. My husband works his ass off to provide and to protect his family. Now we have the added worry that our benefits are going up and the cost of my MS meds, because of people that didn’t want to work for it. He does not deserve that, and I will call people out on it.
“When an opponent declares, "I will not come over to your side," I calmly say, "Your child belongs to us already. . . . What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community." Adolf Hitler
The quote above pretty much says it all about what is going on now. They own our children through debt, and education. Now our children no longer have the right to speak against the government if the bill goes through. Parents aren’t going to have the right to question why they are doing this. Has anyone ever questioned why we are 26th in the world in education, but yet we have pumped billions of dollars into the public school system. Only 12% of students graduate in Washington DC with the fundamentals of reading and math. I find that a little odd in our nation’s capital.
I can honestly say those that put him office should be ashamed. You were played, and abused. You have enabled him to destroy other’s lives in this country, because of your definition of compassion. Not only have they destroyed our country’s 1st amendment in 3 years they have taken our children’s future. It is not all American’s fault that we can not be held accountable for our lives. That is your fault. It is not others fault that you are debt, that you cannot help another because of selfishness, or that you aren’t willing to stand up for your children’s freedom because of fear. That is on you so quit blaming others for it.
I could say that is just the Democratic Party, but it is also the republicans. We have very weak men and women in office that have not pushed for him to be impeached. He is a traitor to this country. He has destroyed the very document that got him in office. If he wins he will go after the term limit so he can stay. His czars are some of the most evil individuals when we finally educate ourselves about them. They manipulate to the point where we actually start to believe what they saying is moral.
Our President taught workshops on the Alinsky method: Rules For Radicals. Alinsky’s son has praised our president for implementing his father’s teachings so well. President Clinton and his lovely wife, Hilary loved Saul Alinsky. She even wrote her thesis on him. I have attached the link for the book so maybe just maybe your eyes will open. I pray they do. The consequence of our actions has destroyed our children’s future.
“Rules for Radicals opens with a quote about Lucifer, written by Saul Alinsky: "Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgment to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history (and who is to know where mythology leaves off and history begins -- or which is which), the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom -- Lucifer."
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/rules-for-radicals-saul-alinsky/1002278648
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
When Did You Forget You Were Forgiven?
“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” Luke 14:26
Our pastor said something at church Sunday that was so powerful; when did you forget that you were forgiven? When did we forget that God was in control? I forget on a daily basis that what is happening is because he is allowing it to happen and there is a greater purpose for it. I am nervous and scared to death, but I am allowing that fear to overcome me instead of remembering that I need to live. It is not easy to be led by the spirit. It is because it conflicts with our very nature to control our lives and others. That is it all is.
Think about Whitney Houston. The things people said about her were awful. She is in heaven though I think. She loved God, she just couldn’t get handle on her addictions. We all have something that we are a slave to; drinking, porn, money, food, internet and mine is politics (many others, but I don‘t need list them). When someone does something out in the open and we make our judgment about it. We automatically have forgotten about our own issues. We decide we know what is better for that person and how they should act. Instead of feeling sorrow for her we slammed her and judged her. We love to go after people about their morals, but yet I’m sure we do something everyday that we shouldn’t do.
“In all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” We love Him because…what?...He loved us first. No, there’s no circumstance that’s going to break this. There is no circumstance that will separate us from the love of Christ. There’s no circumstance that will separate us from the love of God. There is no person who will separate us from that love, the love of the Trinity. It is not possible; there is no power that can shatter our faith. There is no power that can break the seal of the Spirit. There is no…there is no accusation against us that Christ has not paid for in full. There is no higher court than God and there’s no greater power than the secure power of the Holy Spirit.” John MacArthur
You know the saying “do what I say and don’t do what I do. “Maybe we should reverse it and see how our actions affect others. I love watching people. I do. When someone is accepted for who they are there is great relief for that person, and you can see it on their face. How we live is a reflection of our hearts. How we treat other people is reflection of our hearts, or what is in our heart at that time. If we question all the time how someone sees us then to me that just means that you don’t love the person God made you to be. I get it. The way we look on the outside is the way someone judges us. I have known men and women that look amazingly well put together, but to be quite honest they are mean people.
I read an article about raising boys, and what they need from a mother. One of issues was that children need to know how their actions towards another hurts them, or makes the other happy. In a society where everyone is so worried about self-esteem and not telling someone the truth it is wonder that adults can even handle stress. From all accounts that I’ve read people are not doing so hot; including myself. This is where the selfish part comes in. We want it done our way, because we don’t agree with what the other wants so we fight it. It is hard to tell someone ok we will it do your way. It is hard to tell your child “no” you can’t do that to someone else, because it may hurt that person’s heart.
The different interpretation and theologies of scripture is interesting to me. Our president’s theology regarding scripture is fascinating to me to watch and hear. His belief is that we should help people through government. Everything should go through our government. All that means is they want to be your church and your go to person when you are in trouble. He is forcing individuals to help each other through our laws. My interpretation is different, because I believe that it is the individual’s responsibility. God made us each unique for that very reason. We can’t tell someone how to help someone else. Think about it this way do you give and help with every charity out there? Do you?
When I was diagnosed I became involved in the MS society. I did it for false reasons. I did it because I had MS, and thought that is what I am supposed to do. Wrong. The only time I do anything with them now is when people ride from Houston to Austin, and I don’t do it for the charity I do it because I have friends that wear my name and they deserve recognition for their sacrifice to me and my family. They are incredible people. That is being a Christian. Guess what none of us are perfect. I’m glad were not, because it makes us real.
I feel extreme guilt when I tell someone no. I feel extreme guilt for being blessed. I should not feel this way. I have allowed that to take over instead of allowing God to just guide me to where I need to be. The only thing I should feel guilt about is when I deny that inner voice telling me you should do that, don’t do it, or something is just not right. We should feel guilt when we know we have hurt someone. Whether we agree with it or not we have to own up to the fact that we hurt someone’s heart. When we don’t understand what we have done to another through our actions it is reflection of how we want to control another. That is our relationship with God, and we think our way is better. We reap what we sow.
I thank God my parents are divorced. The reason is because I learned a lot from them about marriage. My mom likes her way and she shouldn’t be married. God bless her for it, because she knows that she should not be. This has been hard for me, because I am a lot like my mom. My parents have admitted where they went wrong and have told me what I need to do, so I won’t fail. They very rarely interfere in anything and they never talk to my husband about it. They still call me out on my crap. My dad has reminded on certain occasions that my husband comes first no matter how hard it is for me to do. On the other side of it he has said remember he as the responsibility to protect your heart from everybody including my mom and him.
We will be married 10 years tomorrow. I was thinking about that and what a roller coaster it has been. God put me with him to help me with my passions. When I actually take the time to listen to him, and him to me we have discovered where we went wrong on so many things. We have to forgive each other for it. We are one. Owning up to our issues has been a huge learning lesson about each other. Being able to admit how we hurt each other and try not to do it again is forgiveness and great love. Just like god forgave us. I had forgotten that.
Our pastor said something at church Sunday that was so powerful; when did you forget that you were forgiven? When did we forget that God was in control? I forget on a daily basis that what is happening is because he is allowing it to happen and there is a greater purpose for it. I am nervous and scared to death, but I am allowing that fear to overcome me instead of remembering that I need to live. It is not easy to be led by the spirit. It is because it conflicts with our very nature to control our lives and others. That is it all is.
Think about Whitney Houston. The things people said about her were awful. She is in heaven though I think. She loved God, she just couldn’t get handle on her addictions. We all have something that we are a slave to; drinking, porn, money, food, internet and mine is politics (many others, but I don‘t need list them). When someone does something out in the open and we make our judgment about it. We automatically have forgotten about our own issues. We decide we know what is better for that person and how they should act. Instead of feeling sorrow for her we slammed her and judged her. We love to go after people about their morals, but yet I’m sure we do something everyday that we shouldn’t do.
“In all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” We love Him because…what?...He loved us first. No, there’s no circumstance that’s going to break this. There is no circumstance that will separate us from the love of Christ. There’s no circumstance that will separate us from the love of God. There is no person who will separate us from that love, the love of the Trinity. It is not possible; there is no power that can shatter our faith. There is no power that can break the seal of the Spirit. There is no…there is no accusation against us that Christ has not paid for in full. There is no higher court than God and there’s no greater power than the secure power of the Holy Spirit.” John MacArthur
You know the saying “do what I say and don’t do what I do. “Maybe we should reverse it and see how our actions affect others. I love watching people. I do. When someone is accepted for who they are there is great relief for that person, and you can see it on their face. How we live is a reflection of our hearts. How we treat other people is reflection of our hearts, or what is in our heart at that time. If we question all the time how someone sees us then to me that just means that you don’t love the person God made you to be. I get it. The way we look on the outside is the way someone judges us. I have known men and women that look amazingly well put together, but to be quite honest they are mean people.
I read an article about raising boys, and what they need from a mother. One of issues was that children need to know how their actions towards another hurts them, or makes the other happy. In a society where everyone is so worried about self-esteem and not telling someone the truth it is wonder that adults can even handle stress. From all accounts that I’ve read people are not doing so hot; including myself. This is where the selfish part comes in. We want it done our way, because we don’t agree with what the other wants so we fight it. It is hard to tell someone ok we will it do your way. It is hard to tell your child “no” you can’t do that to someone else, because it may hurt that person’s heart.
The different interpretation and theologies of scripture is interesting to me. Our president’s theology regarding scripture is fascinating to me to watch and hear. His belief is that we should help people through government. Everything should go through our government. All that means is they want to be your church and your go to person when you are in trouble. He is forcing individuals to help each other through our laws. My interpretation is different, because I believe that it is the individual’s responsibility. God made us each unique for that very reason. We can’t tell someone how to help someone else. Think about it this way do you give and help with every charity out there? Do you?
When I was diagnosed I became involved in the MS society. I did it for false reasons. I did it because I had MS, and thought that is what I am supposed to do. Wrong. The only time I do anything with them now is when people ride from Houston to Austin, and I don’t do it for the charity I do it because I have friends that wear my name and they deserve recognition for their sacrifice to me and my family. They are incredible people. That is being a Christian. Guess what none of us are perfect. I’m glad were not, because it makes us real.
I feel extreme guilt when I tell someone no. I feel extreme guilt for being blessed. I should not feel this way. I have allowed that to take over instead of allowing God to just guide me to where I need to be. The only thing I should feel guilt about is when I deny that inner voice telling me you should do that, don’t do it, or something is just not right. We should feel guilt when we know we have hurt someone. Whether we agree with it or not we have to own up to the fact that we hurt someone’s heart. When we don’t understand what we have done to another through our actions it is reflection of how we want to control another. That is our relationship with God, and we think our way is better. We reap what we sow.
I thank God my parents are divorced. The reason is because I learned a lot from them about marriage. My mom likes her way and she shouldn’t be married. God bless her for it, because she knows that she should not be. This has been hard for me, because I am a lot like my mom. My parents have admitted where they went wrong and have told me what I need to do, so I won’t fail. They very rarely interfere in anything and they never talk to my husband about it. They still call me out on my crap. My dad has reminded on certain occasions that my husband comes first no matter how hard it is for me to do. On the other side of it he has said remember he as the responsibility to protect your heart from everybody including my mom and him.
We will be married 10 years tomorrow. I was thinking about that and what a roller coaster it has been. God put me with him to help me with my passions. When I actually take the time to listen to him, and him to me we have discovered where we went wrong on so many things. We have to forgive each other for it. We are one. Owning up to our issues has been a huge learning lesson about each other. Being able to admit how we hurt each other and try not to do it again is forgiveness and great love. Just like god forgave us. I had forgotten that.
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