our marriage

9 years ago today i was blessed to marry the other half of my heart. what a day that was. i can remember every detail of our wedding day. i also remember the great joy that john and i shared on that day; knowing that we would spend our life together. it feels has though he has never not been apart of me; that we were meant to be.

the last 9 years have been a roller coaster. on our wedding i was the only one that knew for certain that i had ms. i had spoken with the doctors a week before and they had confirmed it. everyone else thought it was just a possibility. it was by far the most joyous and heart-wrenching week of my life. i had no idea how we were going to be able to fight this disease.

john was looking for a job at that time after being layed off soon after 9/11. i still don't really know how he it made through knowing that he couldn't provide an income for us, and that his soon to be wife was sick. what an incredible man GOD has made. he pushed through and fought to come back from these trials.

it would be a lie to say that we haven't had our problems, or that we don't have issues that never seem to get resolved, but the idea though that we could be separated from each other would be terrifying and heartbreaking for us both. we have created a beautiful life together filled with our belief that GOD comes before all things and is the protector of our family.

our love has grown deeper over the years. we have prospered. we have two beautiful boys that make our life so worth achieving every goal and every desire that we have. they are our little miracles. they are our gifts from the LORD.

he is the man i would give my life for; the only man. he is apart of me. i love his patience (he needs a lot of it) and he loves my passion. i love his heart and he loves mine. we are one.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." ephesians 5:22-33

never say never

there is a verse in proverbs that i always think of when i catch myself saying never; "in his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" proverbs 16:9. GOD's decision for our future is already planned. HE has already given you the will to choose between right and wrong on how you lead your life. there is truth to the saying with age comes wisdom. not that every decision is correct or wrong, but the ability to realize that you could learn something from that decision.

before i had my first child i remember saying what i wouldn't do - that never happened. i found out that children change everything whether you want them to or not. you live completely for your child. this can be very trying, but so worth it because you have a little miracle. plus, you're dealing with a little human being that is going to have as many passions as you.

GOD challenges us to become the person HE wants us to be; a reflection of HIMSELF. one of my favorite quotes is "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" by albert einstein. my temper is this way. i think that by losing my temper that i am getting my point across; this only makes the other person defensive. what do i gain from it; nothing. i can't say that i will never lose my temper again, but i can learn to take a breather or walk away when i know that it is about to erupt.

GOD gives us the rules in the bible, right there in black and white. the problem i have is when we distort those rules to be tolerant, or "fake" with another individual. i hate saying this, but i think christians can be the biggest culprits in this. we tend to forget our own demons and think that we are "perfect" in our journeys. i like christians that are honest about their failures and have humility in what they are struggling with; because it makes them human. i like the fact that they know this about themselves and they continually pray to GOD for HIM to guide them on how to solve it.

paul is my favorite of GOD's chosen. he was a murderer, a liar, and a tyrant. he became a true man of GOD on the road to damascus. i'm sure those that were being taught, or being rebuked by him pointed out those sins. i'm also sure that he was never a hypocrite about what he had done; he showed humility in his mistakes. thousands of years later we are still learning from paul and the truths that GOD gave him; what a blessing!

we all have issues and to say that we never have them is a lie. to say that we can never change is a lie. look at paul and what GOD did for him. to say that there isn't a GOD and a devil; well, i don't know if we should take that risk. never say never.

"no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what GOD has prepared for those who love HIM." 1 corinthians 2:9

biblical prophecy - true or false?

as many of you know i love history, but i am starting to study biblical prophecy just as much. with the current unrest in the middle east i have been watching and reading more about the israel response. i tend to watch them more now, because i want to see how it is going to unfold. with that said as christians do we believe the prophecies to be true, or just stories to guide us on how to live?

for some individuals they believe that the stories in the bible are just stories, myths. some believe that they are myths like atlantis, or the lost city of gold. the book of daniel is a complete prophecy for his time, as well as for the future. of course there is debate on whether or not revelations is a prelude as to what is to become of the world before CHRIST comes again. there are some that believe that both books and their prophecies had to do with the fall of babylon and the roman empire.

what is true is that throughout history the persecution of israel and jews keeps repeating itself. there is always someone, or a group of individuals that want to erase the jewish population; GOD's chosen. i think as most americans we see nothing in the bible that includes us in this, but our comparison to rome is something to consider. what we should watch is the relationship between the united states and israel. we were at one time a very close ally, but current events are unfolding that may show that is not true any longer. (in genesis GOD condemns those that are not friends of HIS chosen)

do i believe the bible to be the true word of GOD; yes. do i believe the prophecies of daniel and revelations; yes. there is a site that i have just found that regards biblical prophecy and what is currently happening in the world. it refers to prophecies that have been fulfilled, for example the birth of CHRIST, as well as the death. if i had read this 2 or 3 months ago i would have been frightened by it, but my relationship with CHRIST has grown.

this is probably by far the most radical (and weirdest) blog posting i have done. i am still trying to figure how i should even digest all of this. i did a study on daniel and revelations, but i'm still confused by these books. the idea of accepting a spiritual world that we have never seen is too far out there for most of us - me included. i don't quite understand though how some can believe in psychics, or other paranormal events, but not GOD and satan.

scripture references - daniel and revelations - just take a chance and read them.

a choice

i just read an ad that said "do you pick GOD or satan; if you haven't picked one then you've made your choice." right to the point isn't it? i've been reading this crazy book about a town that always chose sin. they did whatever they wanted and then ignored the consequence of their actions. they buried their sins deep inside themselves, so they could forget what they had done.

there is great freedom in accepting GOD and giving your burdens to HIM. there is a great burden when we don't deal with our sins. catholics believe in confessing their sins to a priest. i can understand that. you can go in and verbally say what you have done by speaking with a confidant. there always seems to be a great release of your heart and mind when you confess. my friends and i do this with each other - it is a great comfort. it is a great comfort having an "honest" conversation with GOD. "the truth will set you free."

sharing the joys and hopes of what GOD promises is by far one of the greatest gifts HE gives. in all of HIS love HE challenges you to live a better life; a more complete life. i really do believe that in your journey with HIM you only grow with more wisdom and understanding. hopefully we grow with more humility than pride in our journey. writing the blog about my journey is a release for me to confess my demons. some say that it should be kept private, but i'm still learning from HIM that we must share our journeys.

i have begun to question my journey with GOD in recent days. i have begun to question whether or not i should write this, but i always at some point feel led to. it's a miraculous gift when GOD changes your heart; it's eye opening. i am struggling right now with issues that i will have to let go of, but i'm not ready to give it to HIM. HE hasn't stopped teaching me yet and i pray that my heart never hardens to the point where i don't trust HIS love or guidance.

" To the lady chosen by God and to her children, whom I love in the truth—and not I only, but also all who know the truth— 2 because of the truth, which lives in us and will be with us forever:

3 Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.

4 It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. 5 And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. 6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

7 I say this because many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist. 8 Watch out that you do not lose what we[a] have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully. 9 Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. 10 If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take them into your house or welcome them. 11 Anyone who welcomes them shares in their wicked work.

12 I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete.

13 The children of your sister, who is chosen by God, send their greetings." 2 john

a love story

when i first saw my husband i remember thinking he looks really good in a baseball hat. he stills has that baseball hat and i still love the way he looks in it. over the years through all the trials all it comes down to is that we love each other. we have had way more good times than bad. we have created a life together that is still growing.

we still tell each other everyday that we love each other. we still kiss. we still hug. we still snuggle. we still laugh. we still do all the things we did when first found each other. now, we just have to maneuver ourselves around our kids. we are still learning from each other and we still want to.

they say opposites attract and in our case that is true. my husband calms me down and is actually one of the few individuals that i will accept "no" from. i push him more than i should, so that he can see that when he sets his mind to it - it turns out extraordinary. he is laid-back almost to a fault, and i am passionate almost to a fault. what we feel in situations is totally opposite. we just have had to learn that over the years and be accepting of it (actually, we just learned this one).

in the book "the five love languages" it talks about what your love language is - what makes you feel loved. my husband's is "words of affirmation" and mine is "acts of service." we're a mix of the others, but those languages are the most important to each of us. we're still learning how to do those. what it all really comes down to is that we feel supported by each other and loved by each other.

my husband and i did the "love and respect" marriage conference and then the 8 week study after. it was the best thing we have done for our marriage. it holds us accountable in GOD's plan for marriage. it really showed us what we as individuals can do to destroy our marriage if we don't confront it. we learned what we were doing to each other over the years that was not good for our marriage.

in 1 corinthians 13 it talks about what love is. it is all the mushy stuff, and all the stuff that you don't usually associate with love. love is what holds us accountable - GOD's love. GOD's love is what makes us face all our demons, and all the beauty that we have inside ourselves.

my mom's sister and husband have a marriage that is truly the definition of what a marriage should be. first of all, they live for each other. they are kind, supportive, respectful and most of all compromising. they step out of their comfort zones for each other. they had this while their son was at home and it never changed after he left. they put each other above everyone. they never let others come in between them. that is GOD's plan for marriage. marriage continually trains you for how your relationship should be with CHRIST.

i love my husband more today then i did when we got married. we have had to face trials that most marriages would not survive, but because we are willing not to give up shows how much we trust that GOD's plan for our marriage is more important. GOD put us together for a reason and i thank HIM for that.

"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." ephesians 5:21-33

the condition of the heart

"The tongue reveals the condition of my heart. The words that I speak are a mirror into my heart.
If I can’t talk about the Lord in the course of conversation, it means that my heart is not as focused and set on the Lord as it needs to be.
If you want your words to change, it’s not enough to focus on changing your speech. What we really... need is a heart change" www.reviveourhearts.com

to me the idea that we can't change is a myth. we can't change a person, but GOD can. we can't change an individuals heart, but GOD can. i am an example of someone that has been changed by GOD. what HE is doing in my heart only continues. what HE is doing in my mind only continues.

spouses tend to be the biggest culprits in trying to change each other. for some reason it becomes a woman's challenge to try and change whom her husband is after they get married. i'm guilty of this and i know most women are. when my husband and i first got married he had to learn that i really needed time by myself. it is just not in my nature to be with others all the time. i like being by myself a lot. a problem that i have and one that i still struggle with is his love of cars and electronics. he loves these things and i can't change that just like he can't change me wanting to be alone sometimes. we are still learning to compromise on these things after 9 years of marriage.

one of the biggest issues that my husband and i have faced is my words. i grew up in a family where we were verbal about our screw-ups - big time. we know when we've screwed up; my parents never hid that from us. my mother didn't yell about what we had done, but my dad did. i don't know which way was worse, i just knew when i had pushed the limit. each one of my brothers and my sister are strong-willed about what we believe and very passionate about it. it's not fun to hear how we've screwed up and what we should be doing.

i yell with my anger and my husband represses his anger. i tell him when i'm angry through yelling and he usually tells me months later when he was angry. he asked me to learn how to control my temper and i have asked him to tell me then when he is angry. when my boys fight i have to tell them to calm down and tell me what happened. they have to learn that they can't yell at each out of anger, but they do have to resolve it then. we are trying to teach them the correct way to do it, and not to learn from their parents actions on this one.

now with that said just because someone tells you what you should be doing doesn't mean they are going to do it. only GOD can do that. sometimes though just mentioning it makes someone decide to look into their hearts and think "maybe i should be doing that." think about paul from the bible. he went into churches and communities and held them accountable to scripture and to GOD's laws. do you think people wanted to hear what he had to say and the truth of scripture? no, that would be too much reality.

i attended a bible study yesterday regarding church history from 1700 to 1914. during this time it was decided that the church and government would separate in france. which ended up causing the french revolution. it wasn't the war that surprised me during this time it was the battle of words; the battle of GOD's words and man's. man believed that they knew what was right and not GOD (sound familiar?). so they decided to manipulate the words. we all do this today. we try to bend GOD's word to satisfy our own ego and selfishness.

when GOD is brought into the conversation sometimes it will feel offensive to you, but maybe that should be a red flag that you are probably doing it. hard lessons to learn for each one of us.

"he said to them, you are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but GOD knows your hearts. what is highly valued among men is detestable in GOD'S sight." luke 16:15

"but, let him who boasts boast in the LORD. for it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the LORD commends." 2 corinthians 10:17-18

GOD is so good

quite a few burdens have been lifted from my shoulders in the last week and it is because of our GLORIOUS GOD. i am so grateful for what HE has given me that it makes me want to search HIS WORDS and HIM all the more. in the last few days i have been overwhelmed with tears of joy and relief. HE is so good.

since preparing my heart to give to HIM fully so many obstacles, or fears have been going away. i feel a great peace coming over me that i have never felt. i have no idea if it's maturity, but there is great wisdom and joy that HE is continually giving me that is magnificent. learning to be comfortable in your own skin is a woman's dream.

one of the last books i read was about spiritual warfare. it gave the names of the demons that attack us; that attach themselves to us. i have never thought of the devil in this way before, but now it seems to be the only way i think about what he does to us. for example each demon was named; anger, doubt, gossip, fear, pride, worry, bitterness, resentment, guilt and regret. when one of these emotions pop up now i have begun praying to GOD to be rid of it; to cast it out.

there are so many great mysteries in the bible. some we will understand and know, others only HE will give us in heaven. the answers to why we are here, what we are to live for, and how to do it are right there at are fingertips in the bible. giving up control of our lives to HIM is what HE so desperately wants. as i watch the events of the world i hear in my mind what CHRIST yelled out at the time of HIS death; "forgive them FATHER, for they know not what they do." when will the blindness end?

i pray for for the world and each other that we will accept HIS words into our heart and begin to live the lives that HE wants us to have. that we will understand the great freedom of living without the sin that offends HIM when we accept HIM into our hearts. we have been given a great gift, let's try not waste it any longer.

"may our LORD JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF and GOD OUR FATHER, who loved us and by HIS grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 thessalonians 2:16-17"

"the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. psalm 146:8"