Thursday, May 26, 2011

state of confusion

i have to admit that i am going through some weird phase. the funny thing about it is i have never felt closer to GOD than i do now. i have begun to desire an even deeper understanding of faith, of scripture and what GOD wants from us. i am trying to step out of my box. for some of you, you probably think i do already.

there is great comfort in staying in your comfort zone that's why it's called a comfort zone. we can be blind to what is going on around us, or we just don't really want to see. i don't know which one is worse. i have been questioning not how i spread the word, but by how i show what GOD has done in my life. our pastor said that a lot of individuals feel as though they have to give up their personalities when they follow HIM, but remember HE made you this way. one of the hardest things for me to deal with is individuals that are fake to the outside world, but they really just aren't nice people. the funny thing about that is you can't hide from GOD. he knows what in your heart, so what are we doing?

in my opinion one of the biggest sins of a christian is that we pick and choose what we take from the bible and how we are going to live our life. we want to stay with what is comfortable, not with what HE has told us we should be doing. accepting individuals for whom they are can be a pretty hard thing to do. think of all of the personality traits that we are having to deal with. the one thing i do know is i would never say never, because once you do that GOD seems to throw an obstacle to you that you never could have imagined would happen. the other thing i have figured out is that you can read scripture, but so many of us lose the meaning of what GOD is telling us, including me. we condemn those around us far easier than what HE does i think.

i think a lot of us going through a period where we really don't know what to expect anymore, or what GOD is going to throw at us. about the only two things i'm certain about right now is this rapture business that this preacher is preaching is false doctrine - period. we do not know the day CHRIST will return, so we are to live each day as if HE was going to return that day (matthew chapters 23 and 24). second, nations, or individuals that stand against israel will fall. people can argue this as much as they want, but it is all over the bible from genesis to revelations. i learned this way before glenn beck said it.

i want to know why you believe something. i want know if you found it in scripture and if that is your interpretation of it. i want to know if it's the church that has turned you from GOD, or if you think it's too hard to follow HIM. i want to know why you think GOD is not loving, or forgiving. i want to know why the world's view is so important, but not HIM. this is what i have been going through - complete confusion.

i'm not questioning the doctrine, but i'm questioning individuals that say they are christians and those that aren't. if you're not your willing to change yourself how in the world can you expect someone else to do it.

"for the grace given to me i say to everyone among you not think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgement, as GOD allotted to each a measure of faith." romans 13:3

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

what are we choosing to ignore

Humanitarianism is the expression of stupidity and cowardice.

What good fortune for governments that the people do not think.

Who says I am not under the special protection of God?


the above are all quotes from adolf hitler. a few years ago i remember a conversation with a fellow church member during home group about what GOD allows to happen in this world and we discussed the holocaust; what evil presents itself to our eyes, but yet we choose to ignore it.

a quote i read some time ago has stayed with me regarding the passivity of the human race now - "we always say such is life, and we ignore it." i think one of the hardest things in the world is too stand up for what you believe in; to fight. one of the greatest acts of christianity is to give to others, to love others as you would yourself. we are that nation. we were created because of GOD. we were created because our founding fathers believed in HIM.

i fear that our deeds for the world will come back to haunt us. i fear that we have become too tolerate and have failed to protect our nation. i fear that americans are listening to rhetoric that portrays this country as evil around world. we are not that nation. we are a nation of strength. the challenges that we are facing now we must pay attention to, because evil could spread all over this country if we are not prepared.

over the course of my journey i have judged far more than i should have. as i read scripture i have a tendency to look at others and think of what they should be doing and not look at their hearts. we usually surround ourselves that are strong in faith, but not the weak in faith. i've heard many christians are leaving the church, because sound doctrine is not being taught. my question though is if you are leaving the church because sound doctrine is not being taught, are you really living a CHRISTLIKE life?

the history of hitler and the holocaust astounds me because one man preyed upon the ignorance of mankind to create such evil. we rely on too many others to educate ourselves, and do not take enough time personally to teach ourselves and our children. every religion is corruptible. every faith has evil, it's just whether or not we fight it. CHRIST talks of the poor, and i don't think that HE just meant the poor financially, but the poor in spirit also. the world is telling us what is acceptable and we are ignoring what GOD said was acceptable.

the bible teaches what we should be paying attention to. it doesn't say just to pay attention to the love and grace of GOD, but also to pay attention to the sin that could corrupt us if we become to lukewarm in our journey. below is from a blog posting i read regarding revelations 3 and the church. it sounds pretty much like what it is happening today in a lot of churches and congregations around this country.

i believe that if we don't pay attention to what is going on we will continue to fail. i fear that as individuals we have lost the simple acts of accountability and humility. i fear that as christians we become too judgemental of another and aren't keeping our own sin in the back of our mind. i fear that we aren't teaching what true grace and forgivness is because we have become too prideful in our journies.


"We are told in Revelation 3 of the 7 Churches. The last church or church age is symbolized by the Church of Laodicea. Laodicea means "the rights of the people." Thus, this was a church governed by the will of the people, rather than the will of God. This is the church age from which the Antichrist and the False Prophet will emerge. It is the church age Paul talked about that would not endure sound doctrine, but would gather around them teachers that would say what their itching ears wanted and desired to hear (2 Tim 4:3). This church is described as lukewarm, indifferent, not concerned with right and wrong, or with good and evil. They take a neutral position: one of "live and let live; don’t rock the boat; and don’t cause waves." They are trying to serve two masters—God and self (or the world).

"We will continue to monitor the church's faithfulness to the teaching of the Word of God, realizing that the church of the last days will be marked by apostasy and a falling away. This does not mean that God is not moving and doing great things - but can we also identify the wolves in sheep's clothing? "For false Christ's and false prophets shall rise, and shall show signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the very elect". (Mark 13:22)."


“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:1-5


"Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?" Romans 2:3

Monday, May 16, 2011

the journey

i have started reading the letters of paul to the churches. i am inspired by his walk and mission to spread the word of CHRIST. i like how he speaks of GOD'S love and grace. i like his direct approach to teaching the words of GOD and holding those that have confessed that CHRIST is their saviour accountable. next to CHRIST this is the man that i would like to meet and talk with the most.

i go through phases in my ms. i long to really forget that i have it, or to even deal with it. many days i wish that it wasn't there for me to have to confront. i have balance with it, or i just really push myself to ignore it. i started thinking how we do this with the words of GOD; the rules. really we do this with almost anything that it is too hard to cope with; we ignore it. i find that it is much easier to cope with GOD than the world. at least you know where you stand with him; no hidden agendas, no hidden thoughts, and you can trust HIM.

i think with any challenge we tend to either look at it head on, or just allow the challenge to overwhelm us. what i find interesting in most situations with individuals that haven't turned to CHRIST is that they are worried about GOD condemning them, but GOD is not going to condemn you the world will condemn you.

more and more attacks are popping up about GOD, christianity and the church. hawkins whom is a known atheist just recently said that christianity is a fairy tale; a myth. i just read an article that said the books in the new testament were forged. bill maher for years has said that christianity is the biggest joke ever played on humanity. of course to me this is just ignorance, but to those that have never read the bible it could make a lot sense to them.

i think the hardest thing for individuals to accept is that CHRIST comes first above everything. we can't physically see HIM, so how could that be possible. how could HE come above your family, how could we choose HIS way above society, or how could we even choose HIM above our children? i have to believe that we all know there is something larger and greater than ourselves.

when i was diagnosed it was about the ms that brought me to HIM, but in the end that wasn't the real reason. i had regrets, guilt, anger, fear, bitterness, grudges, you name it i had it. that was the reason HE brought to me HIM; to heal my heart. no one had been able to do that before, not even my husband. if it's fear that won't allow us to go to HIM because we're afraid of being condemned by HIM then please don't. i think maybe we should fear being condemned by the world more.

"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 corinthians 1; 26-31

Monday, May 9, 2011

CHRIST is sufficient

i understand the anger that some have with GOD. i understand how some can begin to lose faith over the long term. i can understand how so many can be mislead by false doctrine - it's out there. we see so much misery now we fail to look for the beauty that is out there.

in service on sunday the wife of our pastor said something about mother's that really spoke to me about our relationship with CHRIST. when you become a mom you lose yourself. your life is no longer your own. you struggle to find out who you are and the person you are going to become in that journey. you lose your patience, you have days where you feel like you are going to lose your mind and then you have moments where you find what a beautiful gift a child is.

GOD has these days with us, and then we have moments where we show HIM that we get it. we have the eternal gift of unconditional love with HIM and what a great blessing that is. i have been going through a very non christ like walk lately. i have been watching the news too much again and other things, that are really not me any longer. i have felt lost. the great thing about this is that i come back and confess and HE hopefully gives me grace.

i was just telling a friend that i have pulled out of a lot of church activities by choice. i have been thinking about those that are in need around me that don't sit in the pew with me on sundays. there is so much fear and anger going around that it seems just the simple acts of kindness and compassion are no longer there. this isn't about money, or where our country is going, it's about helping those that are in emotional need; that are lost.

i know that we all have it in us to be kind; i know we do. my prayer is that we look at individuals not just the ones that go to church with us and reach out with forgiveness, understanding, compassion and grace, but to all individuals. each of us needs love - all of us. i can be in a terrible mood, or sad and then something happens where i'm reminded of HIM and HIS love.

if we don't have faith, or hope as a christian we become lost. if we don't seek out comfort from scripture we become lost. our journey is like that of a child. we become selfish in our journey with HIM where we are constantly demanding something from our labors. i look at this way if i am teaching my children to love one another, to be kind to one another, to apologize to one another, but i can't show that to another person, how will they learn? if i am always seeking forgiveness from GOD for my mistakes HE is probably at some point going to ask me when i will understand that HE is sufficient alone; not the world?

marriage is this way. i am as much to blame as the next person on this one. we want our spouse to find our peace for us. we want them to give us all the things that GOD gives us so graciously. we want our spouses to make us happy, but see we are responsible for that - not them. my husband and i's home improvement project about drove us both insane. things that were important to me were not to my husband and things that were important to my husband were not to me. on a deeper level we both are still learning this about each other. we both are still learning what hurts one may not hurt the other. i figure we'll get it before we die.

i'm not saying that we have to like everybody, but we do need to be kind. i've had to eat big ole pieces of humble pie quite a few times because of this, but when i put my trust in HIM HE got me through it whether i wanted to or not. the question really is; are we living a world centered life, or a GOD centered life. if we put HIM above all things HE will show us the way.

"not that i have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but i press on so that i may lay hold of that for which i was laid hold of by JESUS CHRIST. brethren, i do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing i do; forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead" philippians 3:12-13

Friday, April 29, 2011

jesus; socialism, social justice and equality in the eyes of GOD

there is been quite a debate going on, on my facebook page regarding the thoughts that CHRIST would have a been socialist. i watched a news anchor make this claim because of taxation. that if you make $250,000 or more than you have to pay more in taxes and CHRIST would be ok with that. i get it i understand why the government wants to tax people more, because we need the money because we are debt. we cannot sustain our economy now without making drastic cuts to all government programs. it will not be fair - GOD never said that life was going to be fair, or an easy ride.

we all know where the theory of socialism began. it began with karl marx. karl marx did not believe in GOD. karl marx was a poor man financially. he believed that the monarchy of russia was breaking the backs of the working man and the working man was entitled to all things that the monarchy had. well, we all know how that turned out. the royal family was shot at gunpoint, the era of communism began and the poor still went hungry.

there are many countries that have socialist governments and they are in as much financial trouble as the american people. the only thing i can really say about all of this is that we all seem to be poor stewards of our money. there is a verse in the bible regarding taxes. people came to CHRIST and asked; should we pay our taxes? HE asked to see the coin so HE could see who's face was on the coin; ceasar. HIS response was you pay your taxes and you pay what is owed to GOD. the myth in this country is that they rich don't pay enough. the rich carry this country. over half of the american people don't pay income tax. this is public knowledge, not some craziness started by the right-wing conservatives.

social justice was defined by st thomas. he talked about the equality man. he talked about the poor treatment of man. he was correct in his teaching because we are capable of great good and great evil. social justice has become the platform for the progressive movement in this country, not because of what st thomas said though. they base their ideology on the new deal. the new deal was based on a lot of ideas and teachings of a priest named john ryan. he wrote a book called the living wage.

the new deal was created to help americans if another depression hit. government assistance was created so individuals could get back onto their feet and move forward. this did not mean you continued to take government assistance and not move forward. first of all everyone has had a point in their life where they have needed help financially. all of us have had to move forward.


GOD does not define riches based on money. the story of the young, rich ruler that asked CHRIST what else he could do to have eternal life is an example. CHRIST said give away all your money and your possesians. the rich ruler failed GOD by not doing it. this story can apply to anyone that is rich, or poor fiscally.if CHRIST asks you to leave all things behind to follow HIM, that is what HE requires of you. that includes your family, your friendships - everything.

we are blessed with riches, because we have GOD in our lives. we are equal in GOD's eyes because we are capable of great goodness and great evil. we cannot condemn every man that we think has enough to spread around, because you feel you are entitled to it. that's envy, that's greed. we cannot condemn, or judge those that have more because remember you will be judged also. please stop thinking that you are entitled to something that you're not. if GOD wants you to have it; you'll have it. your rich because you have HIM in your life; not because of how much money you have.

we can talk about unbelievers, we can group all rich people together, and say that they don't give enough. well, then i'm about to rebuke some christians. i know christians that don't give money to homeless people, because they think are drug addicts even when they felt led to give that person money. i know christians that go to church each sunday that don't even give a dollar to the church, but will go on a vacation the very next week. i know christians that give money and won't even go next door to help their neighbor because their too busy. i know christians that don't even give money, or time to the church, or anyone else for that matter. these are all their choices, and GOD will probably question them about it. we are no better than the rich, young ruler. if you sow generously, you will reap generously, if you sow poorly, you will reap poorly.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

in our afflictions

when you stand for CHRIST and HIS way you may not win the popularity contest. i have written over 160 posts on this blog. some were happy, some were romantic, some were offensive, some were political, some did not go over well with my family, some were a little too harsh, and they were all my opinion alone of GOD and my journey. i do not regret one posting. i have changed in my journey; HE has made me stronger in HIM. HE has opened my eyes to my sin and my strongest gifts.

i like it when individuals respond to the postings, because there is more for me to learn about GOD; about scripture. we each have different interpretations of scripture. it's like how men and women here something different when they are trying to get a point across. we can all learn something from someone if we are humble enough to receive it.

i have to say the deaths of my grandmother and uncle have taken a bigger toll than i thought. i miss both of them terribly. i have really pulled away a great deal
from the world. i am becoming more of an observer in my journey. sadness is a hard thing to get over. my husband and my father even noticed my new hermit tendencies. my dad asked if i had lost my drive. i don't think i have, i'm just in a new phase. my heart is broken right now.

slowing down though has had it's benefits. i recently had one of the best check-ups i've had in years with the old ms doc. i was physically stronger this time, which was a blessing. reserving my energy for just the family has helped me, and it's given me more peace. i find that i have stopped forcing myself to do more than i can, or want.

i admit i was overtaken with great joy at bin laden's death and then i caught myself remembering a verse in proverbs that says "do not rejoice over your enemies death." it has also made me mourn again for what we lost, because of such evil. for a lot of us we are reliving the great fear and sadness of 9/11 over again.

i can't even imagine the wrath of GOD for this man's life. i can only pray that he found a way to accept GOD in his final moments; that he felt some repentance for what he had done. i don't think he did though. i praise those that captured him and my prayers for them have only gotten stronger in recent days.

i pray that our nation can begin to heal and have some closure. i don't believe that all pain goes away, but it does make us stronger. i believe that our faith will sustain us. i believe that GOD in all HIS glory, grace and love will pull us through if we just believe.

"love must be sincere. hate what is evil; cling to what is good. be devoted to one another in brotherly love. honor one another above yourselves. never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the LORD. be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." romans 12;9-12

Saturday, April 23, 2011

blessings are miracles; everyday life

"because you have seen ME, have you believed? blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed." john 20:29 (nasb)

verses 30-31 talk about the acts performed by CHRIST in front of the disciples the ones that were recorded in scripture and the ones that weren't. all acts were performed so that we would know HE was the SON OF GOD and we would have eternal life in HIS NAME.

i think a lot of people think that miracles have to be of the supernatural kind. the miraculous gift of healing when there was no hope, the weeping of a virgin mary statue, or even an angel appearing before someone. we've all heard those stories and they are a miracles.

it is a miracle that you have life. every breath we take is a miracle. each bite of food you take to nourish your body is a miracle, or the water you drink. children are miracles everyday, all day (even when they are driving you crazy). my son was born 7 weeks early. my husband and i had so much fear about his young life and what would happen. it was a miracle that he was allowed to stay with us. my second son was not planned by us, but we had thought of having another child in our lives. it was a miracle that GOD gave me another when i didn't know if i could have another.

GOD gives us the desires of our heart. most of us may be thinking i want a vacation, or a new house, or a new car and those are the desires of my heart. well as in paul's words "count them but rubbish." for some right now the desires are they want to get out of debt, they still want a job in the morning, or they want to live free from tyranny. GOD doesn't tell you how you will always get those desires, but HE will give you what is best for your life; HIS WILL ALONE.

miracles don't have be supernatural to be a miracle. miracles are in our everyday lives. some big, some small and they are to be cherished and recognized for what they are. our trials are miracles, because they make you stronger. overcoming a tragedy is a miracle. look at japan right now. we can blame everyone that built the nuclear plant and it's radiation, but look at what has come out of that tragedy. the world came together with money, food, clothing, shelter, etc all to help japan because they needed it desperately.

my favorite miracle in the bible is paul. i love paul. this is one person i would love to sit down with and talk with. GOD took his heart and changed it from evil to love. every word that he has written we can learn something from. i've heard christians say that he was too harsh in his rebuking. i don't think so. he just pointed human nature. he pointed out what we are blind to. i love that about him.

i have been blessed to be surrounded by powerful individuals in my life. i'm not talking about what they've done in their careers, i'm talking about who they are in there hearts. each one is beautiful and so significant that i hope that they know this about themselves. if not then i am telling you are. i have be blessed to have the courage to stand up for my beliefs through him. i have been blessed to give love when it is needed and to still love. i have been blessed to have humility in my mistakes and try to learn from them. the wisdom that i have sought from GOD is miracle and that it was given even when i didn't always want to hear the truth.

each circumstance, good and bad, has been a miracle, because we have been given the opportunity to learn from HIM. in HIS death and resurrection a great gift has been given to us by GOD. HE gives each day of life to do HIS whether it be big or small to do HIS will. we have been saved from ourselves because HE died for us. please give yourself the chance to accept HIM and let HIM love and cherish you for who you are; a miracle.

"16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” matthew 28; 16-20